1) Goober hats for one and all 2) "The Year of Repressive Desublimation" 3) don't let my computer blow up 4) let you know if my interminably and inexplicably delayed novel ever comes out (hint: It won't!) 5) return to our core values of Jerry Lewis, monkeys, UFOs, and oatmeal 6) new guiding emblem and motto 7) finally "blog" about every state in the Union