Fcritching Loud

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM got in my head last night and I swear I can't remember why. But I lugged out a big old facsimile of Shakespeare's first folio, which I bought so Lee Durkee and I could compare our folio facsimiles - we know how to have a good time! And I looked at Puck's last speech... "If we shadows have offended"... or "fhadowes," ha ha! You know how that old-timey printing makes some s's look like f's. Good times! And then I saw that previous speech of Puck's, which I didn't quite remember, even though I remember tons of lines from A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM because I was in it when I was a teenager! That didn't deserve an exclamation point. I played the pivotal role of Snug the Joiner. Anyway, I saw the line, "And the Wolfe beholds the Moone," and thought, "Oh no! There is going to be an owl in this speech!" And there was: "the fcritch-owle, fcritching loud." And then I was like, I want to hear someone saying these lines. So I found a free streaming video of an old BBC (?) production and boy could you tell why it was free! It was copied from a terrible print. There were scratches and slashes and blotches all over the film, and the color was grotesquely faded. It was so washed-out that you couldn't read the white credits over the white sky. And I thought, "I'm not going to watch this!" But then came along the young David Warner, the young Diana Rigg, and the young Helen Mirren as three of the young lovers, all so captivating! And then some lump playing Demetrius. It's not his fault! I'm sure the actor is fine. Demetrius is just a big dud. He's no Snug the Joiner! Everyone knows if you ranked all the lovers Demetrius would come in last in every poll. But everyone else was so good that the blotches and slashes and missing frames and washed-out atmosphere started to seem like plusses... like... in fact... a line that was quoted to me from A MIDSUMMER'S DREAM one night in City Grocery Bar: "Trust me, sweet, out of this silence yet I pick'd a welcome." I couldn't stop watching it! It's a truly bewitching play! And then here was young Judi Dench, telling her fairies about "the clamorous Owle that nightly hoots," and I was like, okay, I definitely have to "blog" again, just this once, and you know why.

Shakespeare Stars!

I was WRONG when I implied that people getting drunk on yachts were the only things connecting THE RICHARD BURTON DIARIES with the book JOHNNY CARSON, by Johnny Carson's lawyer. Sinatra also figures in both. Sinatra is hanging out with Richard Burton (on a yacht!) and wants Burton to read HAMLET with him... because Sinatra is planning to make his comeback... AS HAMLET! That never happened. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. So Johnny Carson and Johnny Carson's lawyer are hanging out with Joyce DeWitt (pictured), whom the lawyer is dating. You may know her best from TV'S THREE'S COMPANY. And Joyce DeWitt tries to talk Johnny Carson into playing Puck in a production of A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM. Ha ha ha! That anecdote is related as a flashback during a tense dinner that the lawyer is having with Johnny Carson just months later... ON A YACHT. Only now, with no explanation, the lawyer is dating Mary Hart from TV'S ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT instead of Joyce DeWitt! Oh boy. That is all the information I have for you at this time.

Last Vestige of Doomed Book Club

You can read a small portion of my new BELIEVER column on the BELIEVER "web" site. In it, I describe myself as "a puckish, impish sprite, seemingly not born so much as deposited on Earth via moonbeam." In addition to representing the way I really feel about myself, that phrase is a salute to the writing style of Art Cohn in his crazy biography of Joe E. Lewis, as read by our doomed book club.

Gibson

Henry Gibson died, reports the New York Times. I was always happy to see him on the screen. He was one of my favorite actors. He wasn't in enough movies. Henry Gibson was menacing, witty, pompous, or gentle, depending on the role. Underrated I think, but I hope not. Always something going on behind his eyes. Mainly, he was funny. Henry Gibson! For him, as for the mutant grasshopper, a new picture. Hey, I just "clicked" on the NYT obituary (by William Grimes) and it says what I said, except better: "In repose, his face had a sneakily bland expression that served him well. It could express pure innocence, bewilderment, fatuous self-delusion, a puckish sense of mischief or Machiavellian duplicity." Hey everybody, don't forget Henry Gibson!

Right Neighborly

This "blog" is positive! That's just the way it is. We're happy to be here! I'm glad to have interesting upstairs neighbors who are apparently from a mythic part of Holland where wooden shoes are still in vogue. These spirited folk never remove their magical shoes, even during the tender act of physical affection. They're committed, and I salute them! They go to bed on the dot at four in the morning and rise promptly two hours later to walk around in their wooden shoes without surcease. They enjoy exercise, always a sign of good health and character! Meanwhile their two gigantic dogs, similarly shod, chase what Theresa believes to be a hockey puck back and forth over our heads. They love their dogs! They provide their dogs with fun entertainment! It's a good quality in people. The best part is, during the two hours a day when our human (or sprite!) neighbors stop walking around in their wooden shoes, the dogs make sure to take up the slack. O! the imaginative things they can think of to do with a hockey puck. These are highly intelligent dogs! At no time do we ever feel alone, thanks to the kind efforts of our robust and tireless neighbors.

Fun Insomnia Game

If you're up at a bad hour with awful thoughts running through your head and you have a lot of the movie channels on the "cable," might I suggest flipping back and forth regularly between three separate movies until they seem to blend into one? It takes your mind off everything! That's today's special "holiday" "blogging" tip: Take your mind off things, for goodness' sake! Like, right now I'm worried about that apostrophe at the end of "goodness'" but I'm just going to put it out of my mind. The trick to my method is, find three films that blend appropriately. Last night (or this morning, I should say), I was lucky enough to come across Werner Herzog in INCIDENT AT LOCH NESS (it's a comedy... and when I think comedy, I think Werner Herzog!), the Monkees film HEAD, and the version of A MIDSUMMER'S NIGHT DREAM with Diana Rigg and Iam Holm (the latter painted entirely green, as was a young Judi Dench). After a little judicious flipping I could hardly tell one movie from either of the others, and my brain was soothed and satisfied and slumbrous. Try it out for yourself next time you can't sleep, though I doubt that you - or I - will ever be able to find such a salubrious combination again. In passing, I may remark that it was the second version of A MIDSUMMER'S NIGHT DREAM I've encountered recently. I watched the 1935 version for my article about Dick Powell. I'm afraid - without giving away anything about the article - that Mickey Rooney's performance (in the Ian Holm role of Puck) led me to make some catty comments. I would like to clarify at this time that I've seen plenty of top-notch Mickey Rooney performances. There's one where he's a jazz drummer menaced by thugs, and it provides an appropriate outlet for his considerable energy and, indeed, desperation. Wow! I've gotten off track, haven't I? That's the way it is with "blogging"! Irrepressible! Just like Mickey Rooney. (Pictured, Ian Holm and Ian Richardson, painted green.)