Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

As you may have noticed, there has been no SIZZLING CELEBRITY GOSSIP of any kind anywhere in the world since June 26, 2012! That's a long time to go without any SIZZLING CELEBRITY GOSSIP! Well, fret with woe no more, dear reader! Our SIZZLING CELEBRITY GOSSIP team is back with all the latest SIZZLING CELEBRITY GOSSIP! ITEM! GEORGES PEREC remembers the first Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin movie he ever saw. SIZZLING CELEBRITY GOSSIP has learned that the movie was none other than SAILOR BEWARE! Perec also remembers BOB HOPE and THE THREE STOOGES. This guy remembers everything, I tell ya! That's the word on the street from SIZZLING CELEBRITY GOSSIP! ITEM! Remember when JACK PENDARVIS sat on an airplane next to a woman who knew all the descendants of the memoirist who wrote THE EGG AND I? That's right, the book that became the hit movie that kicked off the lucrative MA AND PA KETTLE franchise! Well! Today Pendarvis took a nap! Before he fell asleep, he read some of his "nighttime book" during the day! Like a libertine! And Perec's 470th memory (this guy numbers his memories, I tell ya!) is "I remember THE EGG AND I by BETTY MCDONALD." Most shocked of all? ACE ATKINS! Or we certainly assume that the bestselling author will be shocked when he hears of this shocking development of shock. Because in a recent neighborhood walk, he confidently asserted to Pendarvis, "She [Pendarvis's seatmate on Delta flight 2290] was next to the only other person on that airplane who knew who Ma and Pa Kettle were." Georges Perec would beg to differ, Ace! Has the famed crime writer sparked a white-hot literary feud with the dead French experimentalist, whose translators claim the likes of us could never understand his masterful and esoteric Three Stooges references? Watch SIZZLING CELEBRITY GOSSIP for developments! ITEM! MCNEIL has been watching the ELVIS movie WILD IN THE COUNTRY, in which, or so McNeil insists, Elvis "sings a song about slipping on a banana peel." When asked wasn't WILD IN THE COUNTRY one of the more serious Elvis movies, McNeil responded, "CLIFFORD ODETS! That's how serious!" No reader of SIZZLING CELEBRITY GOSSIP can fail to recognize the name of the high-minded 1930s playwright who penned the screenplay. "I wish I could have seen his face when he heard about the banana peel song," says McNeil. And so say we all. Here at SIZZLING CELEBRITY GOSSIP, so say we all indeed.

Santa's Face

I'm cooking a goose for Christmas. Believe it or not we don't really have any goose-cooking supplies around here. So I went out today. First I stopped by The End of All Music to see Bill Boyle, whom you can usually find behind the counter on a Sunday. I saw that the new arrivals bin was stocked with interesting things and Bill said that many of them were the abandoned records of a mutual friend (should I reveal his name? It's probably nobody's beeswax!) who's moving out of town. Speaking of none of your beeswax, I had an email from my old pal Abby Greenbaum, full of juicy music biz gossip about big-name country stars. But I can't tell you any of it! I can only give you some of the last part of the email: "The next day I hung out at Santa's Pub and, in honor of Christmas, did tarot readings for my roadie friends. Have you ever been to Santa's Pub? It is a triple wide trailer in South Nashville that is also a bar. Beers cost $2, and Santa's face is painted on the outside." But back to the goose! I was grousing to Bill that I really shouldn't buy any LPs because I had to spend my money on goose supplies, and Bill insisted on buying my stack of records for me. (Pictured above, one of them.) How often do you walk into a place and the guy working there buys your stuff for you? Talk about Christmas cheer! Speaking of which, I couldn't find any cooking twine at the grocery store so this guy who works there walked back behind the mysterious doors of the meat department and came back with a length of cooking twine for me. "Just stick that in your pocket," he said. Dang! I forgot to tell you that after I saw Bill I stopped for a bite to eat at Big Bad Breakfast, where, to my alarm, the Food Network had set up and was shooting something. I sat at the counter, not too far from an intensely glowing young couple they were interviewing. ("Random customers, I don't think they're from here," my server told me.) The Food Network had forced these clean-cut sweethearts to order a Pylon apiece. Now, these trim and fresh-faced matinee idols looked as if they'd barely be able to finish half a Pylon between them. Have I told you about the Pylon? It's named for the Faulkner novel, natch. It's a waffle with lots of stuff on top. Slaw and chopped-up hot dogs and chili and oyster crackers and hot peppers and I can't remember what all. Mustard, for instance. The Pylon cures your hangover. Now, this rosy-cheeked ingenue and her all-American beau have never had a hangover in their tender lives, I avow. But they cautiously approached their Pylons in the spirit of good sportsmanship. The funny part was that the interviewer would ask them things like, "Why do you think this place is named 'Big Bad Breakfast'?" "I don't know," was their reasonable answer. (It is named for Larry Brown's book BIG BAD LOVE, but how are they supposed to know that?) "What do you think is the origin of the Pylon?" asked the interviewer. "I don't know," the young woman said.

Feedin' and Readin'

I am going to "plug" two things! 1) Remember when City Grocery was having those "pop-ups"? Sure you do! It's where I saw George Saunders eating a corn dog. Now they're back! And for a good cause: raising money for acclaimed pitmaster Rodney Scott, whose place suffered a devastating fire. "Click" here for all the "pop-up" details. On Monday, the chef is Ashley Christensen. You'd be crazy not to eat her food! Remember when I had dinner with John T. Edge and Kat Kinsman and Angie Mosier and some dude I recognized from IRON CHEF at the James Beard house? Chef Christensen and her people made that dinner! I don't think I ever told you about it because I used part of that experience in an article. Sometimes I have to keep things from you because I'm going to use them in an article! See? You think you know everything about me but you don't. That was the time I went to New York to interview Jerry Lewis but Jerry Lewis fainted instead. Here is a photo Kat took that very night, in which John T. and I are bookended by acclaimed pitmasters: Drew Robinson and, next to me, Rodney Scott himself! My neck was too fat for my bow tie, an interesting fact I address in that article. See what you're missing? And now you know everything about me. BONUS SIZZLING CELEBRITY GOSSIP: Who should I run into at City Grocery Bar but John Currence himself? John reported that Dan Aykroyd was eating at Snackbar the other night! And as I am sure you will recall, Laraine Newman ate there not too long ago herself. John was pretty happy about having two original cast members in his place in such a short time. SIZZLING CELEBRITY GOSSIP! And thus concludes the first "plug." 2) There's going to be a big old reading at Proud Larry's on Wednesday February 5th, 9 PM. It's part of a series called "Noir at the Bar," which takes place all over the country, maybe. But on that night it's right here in Oxford. Here's the line-up! Megan Abbott! Chris Offutt! Ace Atkins! Scott Phillips! Tom Franklin! Derrick Harriell! Bill Boyle! Jedidiah Ayres! Me. I remembered them all without peeking. I think you're supposed to read something wild and bloody and shocking so I'll probably do something about my kitties. Everybody better shock me fast because I have to be in bed by 10.

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

Welcome friends once more to "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip," the one place on the "internet" that sizzles and zazzles with the hottest celebrity gossip of the sizzling variety. Today we have a special "Ex-Cousin by Marriage" edition of "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip." Or maybe it's a "Silvery Snakelike Hair" edition. ITEM! Megan Abbott and I have been talking about Manny Farber a lot, especially pondering why he hates everything so much - and other complicated aspects of our troubled relationship with Manny Farber! But maybe Jonathan Rosenbaum says it better: "Some of the most authentic moments in Farber’s criticism... are those in which you can’t be sure whether he’s praising or ridiculing the subject before him." As an example, Rosenbaum uses part of a review in which Farber postulates that Lee Marvin's presence in POINT BLANK "hardly matters. His blocklike snoutlike nose makes itself felt, also the silvery snakelike hair that doesn’t look like hair." Etc.! Read the whole Rosenbaum article by "clicking" here. "Farber’s most characteristic method is to pile these observations on top of one another, or juxtapose them in a disordered heap on the flat surface of a page," writes Rosenbaum. "To say that they go nowhere would miss the point; in point of fact they go everywhere." ITEM! Scott Phillips reports that his ex-cousin by marriage - a star of TV's THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL! - appeared on an episode of CELEBRITY GHOST STORIES. All right! That's it for today. See you next time with more "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip"!

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

Welcome once again to "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip" - your one stop on the "internet" for gossip about celebrities that is of the sizzling variety that crackles and sizzles so much! THIS JUST IN! A frantic phone message from our correspondent McNeil: "WHERE ARE YOU? Jerry Lewis has a twitter account. All solid one-liners. 'Roscoe is the least common name for a panda.'" Our "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip" editorial staff visited the site at once, of course, hoping for some sizzling celebrity gossip. And boy did we find it! "Try prying a shrimp cocktail from Olivia De Havilland. Can't be done." THIS IS HOT STUFF! There's a small glitch: it's obviously a fake Jerry Lewis with a fake twitter account. How can I tell? Jerry would never choose that picture of himself! BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THE GOSSIP ISN'T REAL. Real gossip by its nature is probably fake and that is the great thing about gossip. Kelly Hogan recently got us excited about a FRASIER reunion but it turned out to be fake David Hyde Pierce tweeting to fake Kelsey Grammer. Here's the clue: THEY USED TOO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS. The real Frasier would never end a sentence with three exclamation points. But sometimes it's fun to pretend! Speaking of twitter I think it is okay to say that singing sensation Neko Case had oatmeal for dinner last night. She put it on her twitter right there in public for the world to see. OATMEAL! IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER. THIS JUST IN! Werner Herzog may have a complicated relationship with turkeys but he positively hates chickens. Herzog is quoted in MAGIC HOURS, the new book by Tom Bissell: "Look into the eyes of a chicken and you will see real stupidity. It is a kind of bottomless stupidity, a fiendish stupidity. They are the most horrifying, cannibalistic and nightmarish creatures in the world." Hey chicken lovers, send your letters to Werner Herzog, not "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip." We're just reporting the facts! And the gossip! In conclusion, WERNER HERZOG REALLY HATES CHICKENS! THIS JUST IN! Last night I couldn't sleep and I saw part of a live-action movie about MR. MAGOO. Malcolm McDowell was in it which should have been a little bit surprising but wasn't. Mr. Magoo was masquerading as an assassin. This is not an activity I associate with Mr. Magoo! And he seemed to have very little trouble with his eyesight in the portion I watched. What is going on? DOES EACH GENERATION GET THE MR. MAGOO IT DESERVES?

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

Welcome once again to "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip," your one place on the "internet" to enjoy the kind of gossip about celebrities that sizzles! ITEM! A Sean Penn movie is being shot in my brother's neighborhood. It must take place in 1948 because they put up this poster of RED RIVER at the movie theater, and hey, get a load of this old-timey taxi (below)! What's that? You say that you don't consider an old-timey taxi to be sizzling celebrity gossip? Shut up, jerk! My brother is going to look out of his window a lot and tell me all the sizzling celebrity gossip that happens and then you'll be sorry.

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

Fred Willard is going over to JoAnne Worley's house for dinner tonight. How do I know? Ruth Buzzi's twitter account! That's it for today's edition of "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip." Goodbye forever. No, wait, there's more. I like following Ruth Buzzi on twitter! She lives in Texas now and often "posts" pictures of her horses and cats. Sometimes her friends and neighbors come over, like Willie Nelson and Van Cliburn, who is still alive. She uses contemporary slang (like "swag" in its most current sense) then turns around and talks about old-timey things like telephone party lines. I love her! Say, did you know I wrote the musical score to a feature film that Fred Willard was in? It's true! That's a "blog" "fact" you can "clip and save"! (Pictured, Ruth Buzzi, Goldie Hawn, and Henry Gibson.)

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

Welcome once again to "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip," your one place on the "internet" for gossip about celebrities that is sizzling! Today we are just going to go ahead and steal our sizzling celebrity gossip straight from the New York Times. Their gossip columnist visited with the second drummer for the Ramones, who plugged a brand of pasta sauce (I think) he is selling at Whole Foods. Sizzling!

Mr. Ward's Presidential Korner 6

It has been over three lonely years since our last edition of "Mr. Ward's Presidential Korner." But finally Mr. Ward is back, with a special "Presidential Korner" that doubles as "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip." You heard me right! "FYI – Jennifer Aniston is apparently dating our 20th president – James Garfield," reports Mr. Ward.

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

Welcome once again to "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip," your only spot on the "internet" for sizzling celebrity gossip. Here's the sizzling question on everyone's sizzling lips: WHICH Elizabethan sorcerer is the toast of Oxford, Mississippi? Why, Dr. John Dee, of course! Overheard before the Roy Blount Jr. reading: a guy named Burke telling a certain local professor about "The John Dee Memorial Theater of the Mind," which is located in... wait for it... Alabama! Natch! Where else would "The John Dee Memorial Theater of the Mind" be located? Nowhere, that's where! Unless in the beautiful environs of Oxford, Mississippi, home to the world's biggest John Dee fan club which I am making up right now. Because wait! Later, at the City Grocery Bar, novelist Lee Durkee was observed to have John Dee on the brain. Turns out he is in the midst of revising a scholarly paper about none other than Dr. John Dee. For real! Durkee was heard to make sizzling remarks such as "Faulkner comes from the King James Bible. But Shakespeare comes from the Geneva Bible." Sizzling!

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

Did you know that Orson Bean and Calvin Coolidge are cousins? This is a true fact! And it comes to us courtesy of Mr. Ward, who has all the dirt on Calvin Coolidge and Orson Bean. "They actually kind of look alike," he claims. That's it for today's "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip"! Can you handle the sizzle? Then stay tuned for more!

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

Welcome once again to "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip" - the exclusive "blog" feature that brings you all the latest in sizzling celebrity gossip. THIS JUST IN! Megan Abbott reports that Jack Carson and Doris Day were "an item." That's it for this edition of "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip"!

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

Welcome once again to "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip," your one stop on the "internet" for sizzling celebrity gossip. Turns out John Currence is not the only "Blog" Buddy to rub elbows with the Iron Sheik! Last night's gambol about the square brought this intrepid reporter into contact with one Ace Atkins who used to work out at the same gym as the Iron Sheik. And occasionally Sting showed up. Just imagine Sting and the Iron Sheik and Ace Atkins all working out together. I know you have already imagined it! I thought Ace said that the gym was owned by Lex Luthor, but that's not what he said.

Disturbin' Indeed

I was up at five in the morning for no good reason. The Fox Movie Channel was showing a movie called MARDI GRAS, starring Pat Boone, the go-to guy when you're making a movie about Mardi Gras. I didn't watch too much of it. Why not? Well, take a gander at these lyrics to the phony baloney ersatz blues song Pat was crooning: "Saxophones keep honking/ And I keep honky-tonking/ Trying to lose/ Those disturbin' Bourbon Street blues." Holy cow! Right before that, TCM was showing a Ken Berry movie. Ken Berry! Gone from my consciousness for lo these many years and suddenly he's everywhere - last night, costarring with First Lady of the American Theatre Helen Hayes. I know, you've never heard of Helen Hayes. OR Pat Boone, who is the OPPOSITE of Mardi Gras! I can't help it! You're probably better off. How can I put this? Ken Berry is NOT the First Lady of the American Theatre. Let's see. It's as if Screech from SAVED BY THE BELL starred in a movie with Meryl Streep. That example is not apt. Not apt! Plus you probably don't know who Screech is! You have moved beyond my orbit of references, and I salute you. You win. You win, world! I give up. I give up in general. Except to tell you that I took an acting class in college and one day the guy who played Captain Marvel on Saturday morning TV in the 70s was our special guest speaker and he told us he used to play cards with Helen Hayes. Now that's some sizzling celebrity gossip you can take to the bank!

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

Welcome once again to "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip," your one place on the "internet" for sizzling celebrity gossip. ITEM! Which "blogger" has been recently linked in print with Hollywood femmes fatales Sharon Stone and Rose McGowan? Readers, I must recuse myself due to a conflict of interest. For you see, that humble "blogger" is me. The new issues of both THE BELIEVER and THE OXFORD AMERICAN hit the newsstands today. I have columns in both of those fine publications. As has been previously mentioned here, Sharon Stone wrote an article in the new OA. Mine has not come in the mail yet, but I had a glimpse of my neighbor John T. Edge's copy, and based on the accompanying photo, I believe Ms. Stone's article is about a dead deer. Meanwhile, in the new BELIEVER, Rose McGowan has taken over the advice column for this month! What is going on in the world of magazine publishing? Something awesome. Neither Ms. Stone nor Ms. McGowan could be reached for comment.

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip

Welcome back to the "blog," where you like to go for all your sizzling celebrity gossip. ITEM! What hot "power couple" was seen dining with Roy Blount Jr. - and being introduced to the character portrayed by John Goodman - on tonight's episode of TREME? Sources tell the "blog" it was none other than Tom Franklin and Beth Ann Fennelly, in a brilliant episode written by Lolis Elie, who was spotted recently participating in a certain double-header of panels, where this reporter observed Mr. Elie hobnobbing with people who enjoy going to panels. As you know, the "blog" is now illustrated randomly. I am sad to say we have no sizzling gossip about Frankenberry.

Sad King

I am sad that Larry King seems to be parting ways with his wife according to the "internet." I am not trying to be cute or funny. I guess I have started to sort of like Larry King from ribbing him so often about his work on the twitter. And really it is the supposed coolness of the twitter I am ribbing, isn't it? But it is also Larry King, I must admit. So now I feel like a jerk! Larry King has two twitter accounts. One of them is called ShawnKingsHubby. That makes me sad! Once I "linked" to it, because what he had written there reminded me of a Lydia Davis short story. It's still up for now. Read it while you can! It makes you sad to see it. And another time his wife made mixtapes for Colin Powell. Even this one about his dog, which I so recently mocked, seems sad now. When something sad happens it makes you feel bad for joking around and acting foolish. This is not the kind of sizzling celebrity gossip we enjoy. It is not cute to play around with misery.

All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up

Welcome once again to "All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up," your ONLY place on the "internet" for the latest excitement in the world of sizzling celebrity gossip. While I was out of town, I missed an email from a student who wished to inform me that a woman named Karen Kennelly once dated Donald Barthelme and Miles Davis AT THE SAME TIME! Miles Davis called Donald Barthelme "Texas." This is the same student who gave me the article about Jerry Lewis buying a hearing aid for his dog and 100 cashmere sweaters. That's all the time we have for today's "All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up." Until next time, keep "reaching" for the "stars"!

All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up

Welcome once again to All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up, for all the latest in sizzling celebrity gossip. ITEM! Kelly Hogan knows who Joey Heatherton is! ITEM! Today I read about an Anthony Braxton composition for 100 tubas! That's it for today's edition of All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up. Until next time, keep reaching for the stars!

Sizzling Celebrity Gossip!

Ed Helms enjoys flying those remote control model airplanes! At least that's what I understood him to say as I creepily eavesdropped on him last night. I was sitting at the bar of the Miller Union restaurant in Atlanta, and Mr. Helms (of the TV program THE OFFICE) was standing behind me. You can get this kind of sizzling celebrity gossip only right here at the "blog"! You know what the best kind of celebrity gossip is? Sizzling.