Tuesday, May 01, 2012
Sizzling Celebrity Gossip
"Sizzling Celebrity Gossip" - your one stop on the "internet" for gossip about celebrities that is of the sizzling variety that crackles and sizzles so much! THIS JUST IN! A frantic phone message from our correspondent McNeil: "WHERE ARE YOU? Jerry Lewis has a twitter account. All solid one-liners. 'Roscoe is the least common name for a panda.'" Our "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip" editorial staff visited the site at once, of course, hoping for some sizzling celebrity gossip. And boy did we find it! "Try prying a shrimp cocktail from Olivia De Havilland. Can't be done." THIS IS HOT STUFF! There's a small glitch: it's obviously a fake Jerry Lewis with a fake twitter account. How can I tell? Jerry would never choose that picture of himself! BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THE GOSSIP ISN'T REAL. Real gossip by its nature is probably fake and that is the great thing about gossip. Kelly Hogan recently got us excited about a FRASIER reunion but it turned out to be fake David Hyde Pierce tweeting to fake Kelsey Grammer. Here's the clue: THEY USED TOO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS. The real Frasier would never end a sentence with three exclamation points. But sometimes it's fun to pretend! Speaking of twitter I think it is okay to say that singing sensation Neko Case had oatmeal for dinner last night. She put it on her twitter right there in public for the world to see. OATMEAL! IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER. THIS JUST IN! Werner Herzog may have a complicated relationship with turkeys but he positively hates chickens. Herzog is quoted in MAGIC HOURS, the new book by Tom Bissell: "Look into the eyes of a chicken and you will see real stupidity. It is a kind of bottomless stupidity, a fiendish stupidity. They are the most horrifying, cannibalistic and nightmarish creatures in the world." Hey chicken lovers, send your letters to Werner Herzog, not "Sizzling Celebrity Gossip." We're just reporting the facts! And the gossip! In conclusion, WERNER HERZOG REALLY HATES CHICKENS! THIS JUST IN! Last night I couldn't sleep and I saw part of a live-action movie about MR. MAGOO. Malcolm McDowell was in it which should have been a little bit surprising but wasn't. Mr. Magoo was masquerading as an assassin. This is not an activity I associate with Mr. Magoo! And he seemed to have very little trouble with his eyesight in the portion I watched. What is going on? DOES EACH GENERATION GET THE MR. MAGOO IT DESERVES?