All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up

Hello! It has been seven years since our previous installment of All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up, for the simple reason that nothing has happened in the world of sizzling all-star entertainment... until now! A dimly remembered figure from the "blog's" distant past has emerged. We can only be speaking of none other than PHIL OPPENHEIM, with a dazzling report from the land of the stars, Hollywood, USA! Phil saw AUSTIN PENDLETON in a parking lot! But the excitement doesn't stop there! He spied with his little eye famed robot BRENT SPINER in Nate 'n Al's, the same place where YOUR FAITHFUL CORRESPONDENT once enjoyed some CHOPPED LIVER while on a break from an auction of BOB HOPE'S personal effects. (Phil recommends the CHEF'S SALAD, the COBB SALAD, and the TUNA SALAD. Rumor on the hush-hush has it that Phil has turned into a real "salad man.") We're not done! Phil also saw ARSENIO HALL in a coffee shop! And thusly, seven years of entertainment drought, as foretold in the ancient prophecy, have come to a happy end. As long as we have you here, we should report that the recent ANDY WARHOL biography by BLAKE GOPNIK refers to Andy and his pals as "NIGHT OWLS" who eat breakfast at 6 PM. That's some late breakfast, celebrity entertainment style! And of course it makes the Andy Warhol biography a BOOK WITH AN OWL IN IT. That's it for now, from the land of sizzling celebrity stars. See you in 2029!

Our New Year's Day Conversation

Me: "Oh no, THE LAST DRAGON isn't letterboxed, what do you think?" Dr. Theresa: "I think I can handle it." And then, when William H. Macy appeared in THE LAST DRAGON, Me: "That must have been one of his early roles." Dr. Theresa: "You think?" William H. Macy had a bit part as Vanity's assistant. He wore an extremely shiny silk jacket and appeared just long enough to tell her about "a very heavy dude" who wanted to see her, by which he meant an important person. That's right, Vanity is also in THE LAST DRAGON, and when her name popped up in the opening credits, Dr. Theresa and I both shouted "Vanity!" with genuine excitement at the same time, and scared the cat. (See also, the time Ward and I yelled "Austin Pendleton!" to the bewilderment of many.) THE LAST DRAGON was recommended by Ace Atkins, who by coincidence was a surprise (though welcome) New Year's Eve guest. He showed up last night in the dark, in the rain, at the back door, already holding a highball glass with half-melted ice in the bottom of it, like the ghost of Dean Martin. The hero of THE LAST DRAGON (seen above, with Vanity) beats up Chazz Palminteri too, but don't you think I have better things to do than tell you everything that happens in THE LAST DRAGON? Because I don't.

He Is You

Twitter is mainly to tell you when people die. I just found out from Maud Newton and She Blogged By Night that Kenneth Mars died! I liked Kenneth Mars a lot! Here is a picture of him from WHAT'S UP DOC (costarring Mr. Austin Pendleton!) in which Kenneth Mars is Hugh, and he says "I am Hugh," but it sounds like he is saying "I am you," with hilarious results. So long, Kenneth Mars!

There's Something About Pendleton

I remember something else about Austin Pendleton: we were sitting in a big room with a lot of MTV people when someone told us that Austin Pendleton would be in our pilot. Simultaneously, Mr. Ward and I yelled really loudly and passionately: "AUSTIN PENDLETON!!!!" and everyone stared at us in appalled silence. For you see, as the world's biggest nerds, Mr. Ward and I were huge Austin Pendleton fans, and the only persons in the room (aside from the casting director - who was Christian Slater's MOTHER [!?!]) who had any idea who Austin Pendleton was. In a perfect world, our Austin Pendleton knowledge would have made us heroes, but to the cool people all around us it branded us as Austin Pendletons. To burnish Mr. Ward's previous anecdote (see the "link" above): Austin Pendleton was far too classy to insult us outright, as I recall. What we overheard was Austin Pendleton inquiring in his subdued, nearly musical Austin Pendleton way, "Who do you suppose this is FOR?" (referring to our script) and Dan Lauria replying, "It ought to be rated 'M' for morons!"

Glamorous Years Gone By

Mr. Ward remembers even more sparkling details about those aforementioned occasions upon which he and I a) attended the BLUES BROTHERS 2000 press junket and b) years later, wrote an unrelated pilot for MTV. Please don't be confused: the two have almost nothing to do with one another, really, and were joined together only by free association in the former "post." And now, join Mr. Ward as he travels down memory lane. He writes: "I remember coming up to John Goodman before the shoot and eagerly asking him if he was clear on what we were about to do and he said something along the lines of 'Let me guess: you ask questions, we answer them,' leaving the 'you idiot' implied... I remember you telling Dan A. what an admirer you were of his and his career and his response was a grunt... At the BLUES BROTHERS 2000 screening there was only one small group of people laughing and cheering. When the lights went on after the film we saw it was director John Landis and his pals... At our pilot taping we overheard [pilot actors] Dan Lauria and Austin Pendleton [pictured] mocking our show, and I think it was Dan who said 'It should be rated 'M' for morons.'"