Robot Children of the Future

Hey, remember when I quit social media and a mighty cheer went up throughout the land because I had become the definition of a true hero such as the world had never known? Well, Meta, which used to be Facebook, which was a kind of social medium I quit before quitting any of the others, has been using some of my worst books (without my permission or knowledge!) to teach their magical robot brain, who I imagine has a cute name like Burt, how to "write," in the hope, I assume, that fifth graders of the distant future will no longer have to think up their own patriotic essays for civics class, or whatever the hell AI is for. My greatest wish is that my work will cause the robot's head to explode, like on that one STAR TREK when Captain Kirk asked the robot tricky questions until its head exploded. In happier news, I saw that Andy Beckerman used my new author photo (see above) on his "web" site to promote his podcast. Now, when Quinn took this photo during her visit, I said I was going to use it as my new author photo, but maybe she didn't believe me. But maybe she did. And maybe she was the one who suggested it should be my new author photo. I can't remember; I was busy getting sick at the time. Speaking of which, now Dr. Theresa has Covid! And a tree fell on the house, which is presumably unrelated. Unless there is a witch at work.

My Nephew Is a Genius

Last time I went to Atlanta I forgot to bring my little jotting notebook in which to jot my little notes. You won't catch me making that tragic mistake twice. 1. On the drive to Atlanta this weekend, "Jokerman" by Bob Dylan played. Some particular lyric - I can't recall which; by necessity, one cannot jot while driving - made me think for a split second, "Maybe this song is about Jerry Lewis!" (You may "click" here to refresh your memory about the time Bob Dylan got obsessed with Jerry Lewis.) It did have a "sad clown" vibe. But it also has a bunch of mystical stuff about "kings dressed in scarlet" or something. So never mind. Or, wait! THE KING OF COMEDY. I believe he dressed in scarlet. I don't really think "Jokerman" is about Jerry Lewis. But I was driving alone and had time to think. 2. The occasion of the drive was Barry Mills's birthday party. Who should be there but Craig "Sven" Gordon. We reminisced without irony about the old band we used to be in together, just like a couple of living relics from the cliché museum. 3. Somehow the band Kansas came up, prompting Sven to reveal that the lead singer of Kansas moved into his neighborhood for a time and could often be spotted jogging! 4. Chris Lopez came to the party. An interesting beetle landed on his arm. It looked just like a piece of popcorn. 5. Last time I saw Barry's daughter she was two years old. Now she's nine. Barry told her how when she was two, she liked it when I made crazy trumpet noises, it would really make her laugh. So once I was doing that and Dr. Theresa encouraged me like so: "Work it, Jack!" And Barry's two-year-old daughter suddenly shouted, "Work it, Jack!" Ha ha ha! Barry's daughter bore the retelling of this story with good grace uncommon in one of her age. She was thoughtful and polite about the rambling of her elders. 6. Look!

Barry's birthday cake, of admirable fluffiness, was decorated in remembrance of that kids' show that Barry and I used to make. 7. I met a guy who is working on a feature film about the founding of McDonald's, starring Michael Keaton and Laura Dern. He showed me a picture of "the first McDonald's" building and set that he had helped construct in a town north of Atlanta. "It'll be there a few weeks and then it will be gone, like it was never there," he said. I probably said, "I just had a dream about Laura Dern!" I probably said, "Tell her!" 8. I met a woman named Jenny who I thought said she was "as culpable as any vicar." I asked her, "Did you just say you are as culpable as any vicar?" She replied, "No." She also wanted to know what Lopez and I were like when we had "velvet nubs for horns." Or did she say "fuzzy nubs"? My jotting is unclear on this point. Perhaps she said both. She meant to ask what we were like when we were young. Lopez said, anticlimactically, that one of us would generally walk into a bar and the other one would be there, and one of us would say, "Are you gonna finish eating that?" Jenny asked whether we would sit across from one another or on the same side of the booth on such occasions, and the conversation dwindled. 9. Hey! Remember when I was amazed to learn that there were chickens living on the roof of Manuel's Tavern? I finally got to eat some of those eggs, "rooftop eggs" they were called on the menu, when my sister and brother-in-law and nephew Jasper had brunch there. Jasper wanted a pancake and some French fries. My sister was hesitant! But I was a strong advocate for this hugely appealing and innovative idea. I couldn't believe I had never thought of it myself! French fries are a perfect breakfast food. Why doesn't everybody serve French fries with breakfast? They are not that much different than so-called "home fries." My sister finally said okay, and I like to think my relentless nagging had something to do with it. 10. On the drive home, I saw a coyote run across the highway! I don't think I've ever seen one in person before. I know Melissa and Chris have some living out near their place, but coyotes strike me as exotic in our region. I guess they're not. I have to remind myself about the time I was so excited to see some wild turkeys on the side of the highway, and every person I know told me it's no big deal to see wild turkeys and that I was a sucker for being excited. And now I suppose you're all going to tell me that everybody has French fries for breakfast where you come from. Liars!

Love, Kids, Love

Hey! That's a commercial from the old TV show I used to make. Here are some TRIVIA FACTS! 1) And I can't believe I never said this before (or did I?), but when we were shooting this, some kids chased another kid up a tree and my buddy Barry came out and said to those meaner kids, "Love, kids, love!" And those kids immediately understood what Barry was saying and let the other kid down the tree. (Or maybe they were just under the thrall of Barry's mesmerizing delivery.) That's one reason I love Barry so much! And I still say this a lot: "Love, kids, love!" 2) This footage was shot in large part by future Oscar nominee Mark Osborne! 3) I think some of the 8mm footage was shot by the future makers of "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." I don't know. 4) Fred Armisen was here! He is famous now! But during this shoot he was just lurking in the background and you never see him. Back then he was just some sour guy. (Why did I say "sour"? That was gratuitous! Maybe he was having a bad day. Maybe he had stuff on his mind. Maybe my memory fails me.) 5) That's Chris Lopez from the Rock*A*Teens who is knocking down that piñata with his guitar. 5) That kid being held aloft is Ward McCarthy's kid! She is going to college now. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

Magic Box

I put aside both this book about the English Civil War and this Norman Mailer bio to read the Adrienne Barbeau autobiography for the Doomed Book Club. I did not expect much overlap! But it turns out that Barbeau and Mailer are both devotees of the theories of William Reich, which, as Barbeau puts it, deal "with an individual's life energy, how it may flow freely or be physically blocked." Mailer "would later build his own version of Reich's infamous 'orgone box,' a telephone-booth-sized chamber where one repaired to replenish or accumulate orgonic, or life energy." You may recall the orgone box as the contraption Old Bull Lee shows off in ON THE ROAD. Why am I telling you this? I don't know! A guy has to do something to fill the numbing, relentless, empty hours, and I don't have an orgone box. This "blog" is my orgone box! For example, after I titled this "post," I recalled that Sally Timms used to portray "Cowboy Sally" on this kids'show that Barry B. and I used to make, and Cowboy Sally had a "magic box" (which sits on our mantel to this very day in Oxford, Mississippi), and wouldn't Cowboy Sally and Her Magic Box make a great illustration for this "post"? But I looked around and couldn't find a photo meeting the requirements, so I emailed Barry B. Unfortunately, he got back to me almost immediately, so that very few empty, numbing, relentless minutes were filled with the intended anticipation. But I'll take what I can get! Also, Megan Abbott has spoiled an upcoming scene for me. Apparently, Barbeau's husband John Carpenter is going to be attacked by a bat while watching the Jerry Lewis telethon.

Balzac

NPR hops on the ADVENTURE TIME bandwagon today in a nice little piece you can hear by "clicking" here. They compare ADVENTURE TIME to Balzac, which is something high-toned media outlets do when they want to feel comfortable about liking something... I noticed this tendency so long ago that it appears in a short story ("The Golden Pineapples") in my first book. Not to say they're wrong! They interviewed the novelist Lev Grossman as their (very insightful) literary spokesman for the piece, which is a funny coincidence, because many years ago he (sort of) put Rudy & GoGo (the kids' show I worked on in the 90s) into one of his novels. What is my strange psychic connection with Lev Grossman?

A Big Fan of Desolation

Sam Shepard's description (in DAY OUT OF DAYS) of the character actor Andy Devine tickles me. Here's just a little of it: "I don't know if the slouch was put on or if it was an actual manifestation of his character but he seemed to enjoy being a sloppy guy... He had a high squeaky voice that my uncle Buzz told me was the result of Andy's having accidentally swallowed a silver whistle when he was a kid. I always believed that story. Why not?" When Barry B. and I were making our kids' show, we went to the Museum of Broadcasting in New York to watch some really early examples of the genre. One of them starred Andy Devine. His sidekick was a gruff, demonic figure named Froggy the Gremlin (pictured). Maybe we picked the wrong episode, but it seemed terrifying. And that reminds me of when Mr. Ward and I went to the same museum and watched a failed sitcom pilot about Alan Alda adopting an invisible baby. We didn't have a great reason for that. Oh! And on the next page of Sam Shepard, there's pie. I told you every time pie appeared in ON THE ROAD, so why not DAY OUT OF DAYS, which refers explicitly to the former book? Shepard's narrator wants some butterscotch pie, but the restaurant cook "says the pies just came out of the oven and they're too hot to cut... I can see them steaming behind him on a Formica shelf; lined up like little locomotives - puffing away." The narrator says he'll walk around town while the pies cool. The cook "says there are no sights; there is no town. But I tell him I'm a big fan of desolation."

Langford Monkey Chantey Ahoy

Say, do you want to see Jon Langford floating in a bathroom sink singing a sea chantey of his own composition on the subject of monkeys? My feeling is that you probably do. The "clip" is from the kids' show that Barry B. and I used to make. Pay attention to these difficult yet worthwhile instructions: "click" here, then scroll down until you see (on the right side) a picture of Jon Langford wearing an eye patch. There is also a parrot on his shoulder of course. "Click" on that picture and all your aforementioned dreams will come true.

ABC

Do you want to see Jon Host sing the ABC song? Sure you do! It's from the kids' show that Barry B. and I used to make together!

McNeil's Movie Korner

Welcome once again to the comforting environs of "McNeil's Movie Korner." Hi! Do you live in St. Louis and have a time machine? Then you may want to attend this thing McNeil found from earlier this year. It's an event at a place called "The Way Out Club" (!) and they showed Super 8 movies. You see, when McNeil and I were lads, you could check out Super 8 movies from the library - versions (severely abridged) of theatrical releases, which you could go home and project onto your wall from your little home projector. Barry B. remembers this, too. In fact, Barry B. and I both recall watching a Ben Turpin movie with a big pie fight in it. We tracked it down and aired it on our kids' show (the Rudy and GoGo World Famous Cartoon Show) once. As I am sure you know, Ben Turpin (pictured) was a comedian who was famous because there was something wrong with his eyes. That's what we used to call entertainment before your iPhones and gadgets and so on. I recall that in one part of the movie, Ben Turpin (or someone) was sitting with a collapsable top hat on his lap, and he would cause the collapsed hat to spring into its natural shape, using the popping-out crown as a method for launching pies into the faces of his enemies. Wow! Silent Ben Turpin movies. No wonder our kids' show was canceled - for too much awesomeness, that is! Now my childhood was not all fancy la-di-da like McNeil's, so I don't recall these Super 8 movies having sound. But look! The Way Out Club showed a fifteen-minute version of ANIMAL HOUSE, as well as McNeilian favorites such as THE RELUCTANT ASTRONAUT and one of the Matt Helm features starring Dean Martin. What horrible childhoods we had.

Thank You, No Thank You

I would like to thank everyone for coming out to the reading last night. It was fun! Music was provided by my neighbor who loaned me that book that time. But I would also like to NOT THANK ANYONE for something else! Because none of you showed up for the Community Shim Sham Dance Class prior to the reading! I, being a man of my word, did. The instructor was very patient with me. I realize that the "ball change" is an elemental step, yet somehow it kept getting away from me. Nor was I a master of the "Suzy Q." As the instructor chanted "Suzy Q, Suzy Q, Suzy Q, Suzy Q," everyone Suzy Q'd across the stage with apparent ease, except me, and I really do blame my shoes. I was asked if I had brought tap shoes. I had not! "Do you have some less rubbery shoes?" the instructor asked. I had no other shoes! But as I say, she was patient, and allowed me to participate anyway. I proved slightly more adept at the "flap" and the "shuffle." Once the instructor asked if she could grab my hipbones, and I said "Sure!" Theresa showed up about thirty minutes into the lesson, thinking she would lounge around in comfort and mock me, but she soon learned otherwise! "If you want to stay here, you have to dance," the instructor told her. Ha! So Theresa danced. She also kindly ducked out to fetch a fresh shirt for me as the time for the reading drew near and I realized that doing the shim sham was the most strenuous labor I had performed in a very long while, my garments having become rather imbued with the musky fruits of said labor. I requested my Rudy and GoGo t-shirt (this one), which reminds me: later I was telling this story to an audience member, the part about Theresa getting me a fresh shirt, and the audience member said, "She picked THIS one?" which I took as an insult to my beautiful Rudy and GoGo t-shirt! And THAT reminds me: the instructor was trying to remember everyone's name, and one of the other students said, "Jack will be easy to remember." And the instructor said, "Oh, of course, because he has that Jack Black thing." To which I responded "!" I must say, it is a step up from Michael Moore, to whom I was once likened by a woman handing out samples in a grocery store and I wasn't even EATING the samples! "No, I meant because he's the only man," the kind student replied. Anyway, we all know I really look like Guillermo del Toro. Will I go back for more shim sham next week? I kept saying I would! And I believe I amassed a mighty army of shim sham followers through my repeated exhortations, both during my reading and afterward. But by that time I had consumed some fried chicken and wine, which were the refreshments generously provided at the event, and it may have been the fried chicken talking.

Yore

Hey, I was plinking around on the "internet" (from yesterday's "link" to the Hideout to the fact that Kelly Hogan is playing there tonight to the Bloodshot Records homepage, just "clicking" on "links"!) and I discovered that there are still some CDs for sale that Barry B. and I made back when we had that kids' show on TV in the days of yore. Please note, government: I don't get any money from those CDs, nor am I in league with the good people at Bloodshot Records about selling junk on the "internet." I just want people to be happy!

Media Report

Time for another timely media report! Today we will be looking at the media of old music videos and Jay Leno commercials. So, remember when I told you about the kids' show that Barry B. and I used to make and how the t-shirt from our show ended up in a popular music video? Well, in doing my research, I could not help but notice that though the music video came out 12 years ago (around the same time that our show got canceled) people still make numerous youtube comments about it EVERY DAY for some reason! Comments such as "lmao this song" and "The chillest song ever" and "This song is the most chill song ever" and "lol this is a song where no matter how repetitive it is, you can just go nuts and get pumped to it :D" - every single day, many, many people are moved to comment about the ancient music video! I was just surprised, that's all. What else? Last night I was watching a commercial for Jay Leno's forthcoming show, and you know how he makes fun of newspaper advertisements and other locally printed materials? He pays particular attention to typos and unintended double entendres. In the commercial, they show Jay Leno holding up a "children's menu" from a restaurant, and it bears a fanciful illustration of a monster with a child sticking out of its mouth. And Jay Leno, in the commercial, says something like (I'm paraphrasing), "Ha ha! This is stupid. It's supposed to be a children's menu but they show a monster with a child in its mouth." Well, see, now, I don't think it's fair to lump that children's menu in with the typos and unintentional double entendres that usually tickle Jay Leno so much. Obviously, the illustration is a playful take on the phrase "children's menu" - as if the fanciful monster would like a menu from which he could select a young person to gobble up! So what Jay Leno is doing in the commercial is really just repeating a joke that the children's menu illustrator already made. I am afraid Jay Leno is becoming too liberal in his definition of what constitutes a hilarious unintentional typo! This must be addressed at once.

Legend of the Legendary T-Shirt

Hey, remember when I was telling you about the kids' show that Barry B. and I used to make, and how Barry B. has reproduced some t-shirts from that old TV show, and how you could see from the picture I provided that the new t-shirts are blue? Well, the original version of the t-shirt (featuring the same Jon Langford design) was red and yellow (a red base, with Jon's artwork done up in yellow and smelling strongly of a poisonous chemical). And here is a little known trivia fact I would like to share with you. The original red-and-yellow Rudy and GoGo t-shirt (for that was the name of our show) appears for a split second in a music video for a song that was incredibly popular when it came out. "Click" here to find out what the song is! And where exactly does our T-shirt come in? Never have the words "blink or you'll miss it" been more literal. At, I think, the tail end of :32 or the very, very beginning of :33, you can freeze the frame. You will see a bald lady laughing on the right side of the screen. Her head is next to the chest of a man who is wearing the Rudy and GoGo shirt. Only because I am telling you would you ever be able to guess that it is the shirt from our kids' show. I guess if you were a character on one of those high-tech crime shows they have nowadays, you could "enhance the video" and see the whole shirt very clearly and possibly solve a crime. But until that day, you'll just have to take my word for it. (Pictured, GoGo saying "Hello!" to Paul Robeson on an episode of Rudy and GoGo.)

Arts, Briefly

Welcome once again to Arts, Briefly, our occasional and brief look at the world of the arts. McNeil writes, "Check out this guy's page on IMDB...he hates everything but, apparently, the Best of Charlie's Angels." Thanks, McNeil. On to Art Clokey. Hey, if we had another guy named Art in today's batch it would give a whole new meaning to "Arts, Briefly." But we do not and it does not. Anyhow, I just watched a fascinating documentary about Art Clokey, the creator of Gumby. It's called GUMBY DHARMA. It is not all happy, but it will BLOW YOUR MIND, guaranteed. In it, Clokey says that CGI animation is an attempt to imitate real life, whereas stop-motion animation IS real life. It made me think of something Donald Barthelme said about how a piece of fiction should be "an object in the world rather than a commentary upon the world." Finally, when I was looking for images of Droopy Dog, I came across this (below). (Note to the uninitiated: this is not Droopy. It is his nemesis Spike, as realized by master animator Tex Avery and artfully looped by someone on youtube.) This is incredibly similar to something Barry B. used to do on our kids' show (on which, in fact, we showed Droopy cartoons) and it drove people insane. Enjoy!

Our Goat Is Famous

Remember when I told you about Rudy & GoGo, a kids' show that Barry B. and I used to make? I am not sure I ever mentioned that GoGo was a live goat (not composed of archival goat footage as suggested on the inaccurate Wikipedia page). At one point, we ran GoGo Goat for president and had t-shirts made up: "GoGo Para Presidente," which inspired Jon Langford to write and record a campaign song of the same name. Anyway, Barry just discovered that someone wears a GoGo Para Presidente t-shirt on page 30 of a "literary thriller" called CODEX, written by Lev Grossman. Our goat is in a "literary thriller"!

We Were Also Lucky

We were also lucky enough to spend some time catching up with our old friends Tom Haney and Paula Joerling. Both are artists. Tom built all the marionettes for the Rudy & GoGo Show. Paula, who works in a number of media, carved and painted one especially important prop for us, "Cowboy Sally's Magic Box." (Cowboy Sally was portrayed by Sally Timms. She named one of her solo CDs after the character.) The Magic Box that Paula made is on our mantel now and if only I had a camera phone you could see it for yourself in all its glory and be so very happy. The sun shines in the window and causes the strategically placed rhinestones to sparkle. I don't suppose I could capture the effect anyway. It would be like that time with the ginger ale. Tom and Paula are the nicest people in the world and we are sorry we haven't seen them since moving out of the big city. But Paula says they have been "invited to a party in Arkansas," so they'll stop in Oxford on their way. Tom describes his work as "automata." Some of it, like the piece pictured above ("The Rainmaker"), is meant to be cranked by hand. We were happy to hear that Tom's work will be featured in a show at the Mason Murer Gallery in Atlanta. The opening is September 26. Mark it down! (Below, Cowboy Sally.)

References Galore

Barry B. and I were always big fans of the beautiful, obsessive magazine Video Watchdog, founded by Tim Lucas. So we were happily surprised when - back in the day - an issue referenced our kids' show (Rudy & GoGo). Well, now, with the launch of the Rudy & GoGo "web" site, Mr. Lucas has seen fit to pay tribute to the show on his "blog." I have received three emails telling me about the "post" - one from Barry, one from my ex-boss Lisa, and one from the poet Graham Lewis - the only person I have ever met who spontaneously brought up the little-known Rudy & GoGo Show in conversation without realizing I had anything to do with it. That was a real shocker! And the beginning of a beautiful friendship. In closing, I also "link" for your pleasure to a Video Watch"Blog" "post" on the subject of "Blog" Hero Jerry Lewis. Speaking of Jerry, there was an appreciative (I'm pretty sure!) reference to him in the New York Times today, hidden in a review of BABY MAMA. And speaking of references, the NBIL draws our attention to a reference to THE WIRE in last night's episode of THE OFFICE. References! What would we do without them? Yes, I'm cramming everything into a single "post" today. Sue me. And if you expect another simpering apology about "paragraph breaks," forget it, bub! In fact, I will, at this moment, succumb to my temptation for more cramming. I will say, for example, that if you wish to find out what I mean by "beautiful [and] obsessive" in that first sentence, "click" here to check out Mr. Lucas's exploration of the strange relationship between Jerry Lewis, THE NUTTY PROFESSOR, and the comic book version of Dobie Gillis. Finally I will remark that the past tense of the first sentence may have given an incorrect impression. The print magazine, Video Watchdog, is still going strong. (Note to the purveyor of our favorite Aquaman "blog": the newest issue features Dr. Who.) I suppose I might have gone back and corrected the grammar but I'm in a cramming mood. I will note also that Graham Lewis is not to be confused with the bassist from the great band Wire, which is not to be confused with the aforementioned TV show THE WIRE. Cramming! Cram, cram, cram! I'll be disappointed in you if you don't quit your job and spend all day "clicking" on each and every "link." Now if you will excuse me.

That Ramones Documentary

That Ramones documentary really opened up possibilities for the kind of rambling, disconnected outburst that is the whole purpose of "blogging." For example, I recalled that one of our "Blog" Buddies (whose name will be withheld here to protect his privacy) lived in the same building where (and when) Dee Dee Ramone passed away. In the documentary, Dee Dee brought up the name and oeuvre of Schoolly D, perhaps the original gangster rapper and a man with whom Barry B. and I once enjoyed a brief but fruitful professional relationship, in conjunction with a kids' show that we used to make. You never hear about Schoolly D anymore, though I brought him up in passing in an Oxford American music issue. And yes, Barry B. and I once made a kids' show. I have discovered that there is even a Wikipedia article about it. "Click" here for the article, which contains a small bit of accurate information here and there. Need more proof? Well, it seems timely to mention that back in '96, one of our lovable characters ran for president. I close with a clip of her campaign video (campaign song composed by Jon Langford):