Dream Neighbors

Hey remember how you don't care what I dream and I don't care that you don't care? Here we go again! So I dreamed that the neighbors were doing construction (as they are in real, waking life) and one of their machines, parked in our driveway, was run by a small dog that had to walk around and around incessantly on a long leash, tangling and untangling it (that part is only in the dream). So some of the other neighbors gathered (not real ones; dream neighbors) to comment on this little fluffy white dog who had to walk around and around, powering this huge machine. Some, such as Dr. Theresa and I, thought it was awful! Others thought it wasn't so bad. One woman said, "It's the same thing the dog would be doing anyway, going for a walk," and I made a sarcastic remark about how it wasn't the same to get on a merry-go-round and to take a trip to Disneyland. That's what I said in the dream. This angered the woman. She said quietly, to end the conversation, "That's that." I said, "I beg your pardon?" and she hissed, much louder, "THAT'S THAT." And she hissed a great hiss. So then Laura Dern came up! She was on my side. She was like, "Let me handle this." So she did a trick where she took an old rocking chair apart without using her hands - I'm just telling you what I dreamed! - and there were some roller skates concealed in the inner workings of the rocking chair, and Laura Dern put them on and did an "eccentric dance" with skates on. A player piano started playing! (It was a piano from my childhood, and I assured Dr. Theresa it had always been a player piano because I didn't want her to be scared. BUT IT HAD NEVER BEEN A PLAYER PIANO.) Some guy started playing the harmonica, blatantly disregarding that he was playing in a different key than the piano, which I worried would enrage the neighbor even further. But Laura Dern started singing like this: "Wah wah wah!" Somehow it reconciled the piano and the harmonica. The hissing neighbor reluctantly enjoyed the performance, and an uneasy truce occurred, thanks to the antics of Laura Dern! So the neighbors all left and finally we could get back to the wedding celebration that was going on! Yes, one of my older relatives (I guess) had married Phyllis Diller! Who is dead in real life. Also, Pendleton Ward was staying with us. Secretly! He had been hiding out during the dog controversy. Also, there was a casket in the room where the wedding reception was. And someone was inside it! Kind of under glass, Snow White style.

And Phyllis Diller said to me, "You've loved me since you were a kid, haven't you?" And I said, "I've loved you since I was in the womb!" which got a huge laugh in the dream. Ha ha, it's cool to mention wombs in a dream, right? And Phyllis Diller said she was planning on going out on the town with me one New Year's Eve so I could impress my friends. "I'll go dressed as Carol Burnett!" she said, which was some kind of joke - about Halloween, I think? - and everybody else laughed but it took me a second to catch on. I know I dreamed about the dog because I read about the execution of Mary, Queen of Scots, right before I went to bed. After they had lopped off her head, a little dog ran out of her clothes, where it had been concealed the whole time! "Yelping, it slid in her blood," writes Peter Ackroyd. Sorry! But that's real life, not a nightmare, though it seems like a nightmare, and I read it before retiring as a violent storm raged.

All Garbling

I was starting to think our Halloween Film Festival would never bounce back from the depressing effects that THE VAMPIRE had on us. It makes you want to stop having Halloween Film Festivals! But yesterday during a discussion of scary movies Megan Abbott's dad - that's right, Megan Abbott's dad! - mentioned "the one where the woman turns into a wasp, what's it called?" And I said, "THE WASP WOMAN?" I happened to know the title because it's sitting there on the old dvr. Hey! Speaking of dads, my dad was a consultant on tomorrow's all-new episode of ADVENTURE TIME. The way I remember it, Pen had an idea called "Everybody Fixes a Car." He sent me a picture of a broken engine and I sent it to my dad - who has been taking apart and putting back together all kinds of engines for well over half a century - and the first thing my dad said was, "That's not a car engine. It's a truck engine." Well, now the episode is called "We Fixed a Truck," so already you can see my dad's influence. Let me explain that whatever my dad told me, I later told the people in the writing room, and then the people in the writing room may or may not have transmitted it in whole or in part to Cole Sanchez and Andy Ristaino, who were writing and storyboarding the episode. So don't blame my dad for any technical inaccuracy that may have slipped through: ALL GARBLING BEGAN WITH ME. I'm the worst! Anyway, Dr. Theresa and I took Megan's dad's comment as a sign and watched THE WASP WOMAN yesterday. It was satisfying! You know why? Because you think it will be about a woman who turns into a wasp and kills people... AND IT IS! (See accompanying illustration.) The imaginative and loony direction of Roger Corman helps too. As I am sure you will recall, Corman directed ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS, a highlight of our 2011 Halloween Film Festival. So of course we were invigorated and in the mood for another Corman movie. So we watched NOT OF THIS EARTH, the original one, not the 1988 remake, which I must confess I saw in the movie theatre. You see, my friend Ben and I had this elaborate ritual of going to see two movies every Monday (I think it was Monday, and I think it was Ben) and there were all these complicated rules about picking that I can no longer remember, but which I believe resulted in us going to see NOT OF THIS EARTH (the remake) and the Run DMC star vehicle/action movie TOUGHER THAN LEATHER on the same day, that was some day! But back to yesterday. A doctor walked in and I was like, "That's the guy with the pipe!" Yes, the doctor from NOT OF THIS EARTH was also in THE WASP WOMAN, and in THE WASP WOMAN he "let his pipe do most of the acting," as I believe I once said in an article about Dick Powell in THE BAD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. Another noteworthy pipe-based performance occurs in the Paul Anka voyeurism movie ("click" here for more details, ha ha! I know you won't). But you know the type of performance. A lot of actorly business with "lighting your pipe" every time you walk into a scene. The curiously sympathetic murderous aliens in NOT OF THIS EARTH dress like the Blues Brothers, as Dr. Theresa first observed - sunglasses, hats, and suits. And may I say that they are much more vampiric than the lead character in THE VAMPIRE? I am still holding a grudge about that. Our main alien keeps his refrigerator well stocked with blood, just like (if memory serves) the vampire in THE NIGHT STALKER from last year's festival. Say what you will about modern technology, it is a real life-saver for today's busy vampire on the go. (Here I should mention for the sake of completeness - ha ha! who cares? - that Dr. Theresa and I watched NIGHT OF DARK SHADOWS after THE VAMPIRE. NIGHT OF DARK SHADOWS was directed by Dan Curtis, who did THE NIGHT STALKER and TRILOGY OF TERROR, so we had high hopes, and we were coming off of THE VAMPIRE, so we were ready to enjoy something for a change, but it was kind of a mess. It did nothing to inspire us to keep the Halloween Film Festival going! It felt like the last gasp. We were enervated by it! The theme song sounded like a swanky cocktail lounge with a tipsy piano player, like something from THE APARTMENT, with Fred MacMurray and Shirley MacLaine sitting in the dark back corner, and then the theme would be taken up by guitar and a wheezing, melancholy harmonica. The movie itself had weak strains of WUTHERING HEIGHTS and REBECCA... its most effective set was a creepy old slimy swimming pool with a gnarled tree branch lying in it; it kept promising something better and snatching it away... I guess the best thing it did was "introduce Kate Jackson.") Corman fave actor Dick Miller gets murdered by the main alien in NOT OF THIS EARTH. Miller's character was a door-to-door salesman who used beatnik lingo ("Crazy!"), which reminded me that Dean Moriarty in ON THE ROAD is a door-to-door salesman at a couple of points, and NOT OF THIS EARTH came out right after ON THE ROAD, and I don't know what I'm talking about. There's an idea in there somewhere.

Best Stuffing

It is almost as if L. Frank Baum heard my objections to his narrow view of ragtime FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. He has a character say, "I've just composed a tune called 'The Speckled Alligator.' It's in patch-time, which is much superior to rag-time." He plays it on a harmonica and Baum editorializes: "It wasn't a very bad tune, nor a very good one." I like it when the Glass Cat disdainfully draws a distinction between herself and "the meat cats." If you are in college and starting a band, may I respectfully suggest that you name yourselves "The Meat Cats"? The Scarecrow falls hard for the Patchwork Girl and says she has "the best stuffing there is going," which struck me as a pretty hardboiled turn of phrase, so is it any wonder that Laura Lippman got me to read THE PATCHWORK GIRL OF OZ? She also recommended THE OTHER, the other [THE OTHER, the other, ha! - ed.] thing I'm reading now, so really Laura Lippman is dictating all my reading, rather like Ozma, who appears to be the benevolent dictator of Oz if I am understanding the situation correctly and yes, I have some serious reservations about the political system of Oz.

Owls Have Hundreds of Uses

Last time we learned that owl eggs cure drunks. Now we are told owls "mark the exact time a crime is committed by hooting." That's from THE GLASS HARMONICA by Barbara Ninde Byfield, a book with an owl in it. Be the first on your block to purchase an owl!

Magic Harmonica Wolf

Be sure to come to Off Square Books today at 5 PM Central Time to witness the triumphant return of John Brandon! His new nonfiction self-help book A MILLION HEAVENS is out. So many heavens to choose from. Come early and find out which heaven is right for you! I tricked you, it is not a self-help book. It is a novel! An awesome novel with a magic harmonica and a talking wolf, you know, one of those. Ha ha! There aren't any other ones of those. And my description is inaccurate. The wolf thinks about stuff. Like Garfield! Ha ha. The wolf is nothing like Garfield, although he does hate Mondays. Ha ha! The wolf doesn't hate Mondays, as far as I know. And "magic" isn't the correct adjective to describe the harmonica. But is there an angel in this book? I kind of think so! So now you will be confused, perhaps, when I truthfully claim that it is a work of realism. Have my clumsy attempts at categorizing tantalized you? I hope so! Because I can also see how I might have driven you away. Look, John Brandon has a whole novel to work with! I'm trying to cram the beautiful, mysterious, musical and gritty world he has created into a dumb "blog" "post." IT'S NOT FAIR! Plus my motives are sullied. I only mentioned the harmonica - out of all the memorable images in the novel - because there is a "harmonica" label in the "label section" of the "blog" and I hardly ever get to use it. "Magic Harmonica Wolf" was my first idea for a title for this "post." It seemed too easy, and I briefly changed it to "Magic Wolf Harmonica." I considered "Harmonica Wolf" and "Wolf Harmonica" as well, no "Magic." But when all is said and done, "Magic Harmonica Wolf" lands with just the right amount of "oomph." I am a huge John Brandon fan and you better believe he has written another amazing book, but as you know, the government requires me to mention that I received my copy of A MILLION HEAVENS free from the publisher McSweeney's, for whom I do some occasional writing. What does the government take me for? Some kind of cheap shill? I wish!

"Blog"trospective 9: Books With Owls In Them

I'm rereading DAY OUT OF DAYS by Sam Shepard because I'm "teaching" it this semester - happy to be reminded there is an owl in it, once again confirming my famous "Owl Theory of Literature." Writes Shepard, "A barn owl looked straight down at me from the rafters with his big white bib." The owl turns out to be "a dummy, planted to scare away mice and varmints," but I say it counts, especially as Shepard includes some general commentary on actual owls: "A Tibetan monk once told me that the owl was a portent of death but I've never felt that way about owls." It seems to me that it is time for "Books With Owls In Them" to become the subject of one of our famed "blog"trospectives, which, when completed, will represent all the learning of humankind. Previous subjects include TOM FRANKLIN, PHIL OPPENHEIM, MOVIES, THE MOON, SANDWICHES, THE UNITED STATES, THE BEACH BOYS, and ARNOLD STANG. And now we invite you to enjoy BOOKS WITH OWLS IN THEM: a by Andy Warhol---ABOUT THREE BRICKS SHY OF A LOAD by Roy Blount Jr.---THE ACCIDENTAL LIFE by Terry McDonell---THE ACCURSED by Joyce Carol Oates---ADVENTURE TIME: THE ART OF OOO by Chris McDonnell---AGAINST NATURE by Joris-Karl Huysmans---AGUA VIVA by Clarice Lispector---ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND by Lewis Carroll---ALPHABET JUICE by Roy Blount Jr.---ALWAYS HAPPY HOUR by Mary Miller---AMERICAN FANTASTIC TALES: 1940s TO NOW---THE ANATOMY OF MELANCHOLY by Robert Burton---AND WHEN SHE WAS GOOD by Laura Lippman---THE ANDY WARHOL DIARIES---APOSTLE by Tom Bissell---ARTHURIAN ROMANCES by Chretien de Troyes---AT SWIM-TWO-BIRDS by Flann O'Brien---BAG OF BONES by Stephen King---THE BEHAVIOR GUIDE TO AFRICAN MAMMALS: INCLUDING HOOFED MAMMALS, CARNIVORES, PRIMATES by Richard Despard Estes---BELOVED by Toni Morrison---BEST POEMS by Stevie Smith---BETWEEN THE ACTS by Virginia Woolf---BEYOND EXPLANATION? REMARKABLE ACCOUNTS ABOUT CELEBRITIES WHO HAVE WITNESSED THE SUPERNATURAL! by Jenny Randles---THE BIBLE---BIG SUR by Jack Kerouac---THE BLACK COUNTRY by Alex Grecian---THE BLIND OWL by Sadegh Hedayat---THE BOOK OF LEGENDARY LANDS by Umberto Eco---THE BOOK OF MAGIC, edited by Brian Copenhaver---THE BOOK OF SYMBOLS, edited by Ami Ronnberg and Kathleen Martin---BOY WITH LOADED GUN by Lewis Nordan---THE BOYS by Ron Howard and Clint Howard---THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD by Joe Kubert and others---BRICKTOP by Bricktop, with James Haskins---BRIGHT ORANGE FOR THE SHROUD by John D. MacDonald---A BRIGHT RAY OF DARKNESS by Ethan Hawke---BRIGHTON ROCK by Graham Greene---BUDDHIST MEDITATION, translated by Kurtis R. Schaeffer---CAJUN AND CREOLE FOLKTALES: THE FRENCH ORAL TRADITION OF SOUTH LOUISIANA collected and annotated by Barry Jean Ancelet---THE CANTOS by Ezra Pound---CARIBOU TRAVELER by Harold McCracken---CELEBRITY CHEKHOV by Ben Greenman---CHOCTAW TALES, compiled by Tom Mould and Rae Nell Vaughn---CIGARETTES by Harry Mathews---CITRUS COUNTY by John Brandon---COMING INTO THE COUNTRY by John McPhee---THE COMPLETE POEMS OF WILLIAM BLAKE---THE COMPLETE POEMS OF EMILY DICKINSON---THE CONFERENCE OF THE BIRDS by Attar---COUNT MAGNUS AND OTHER GHOST STORIES by M.R. James---COUNTERFEIT WIFE by Brett Halliday---COUNTRY DARK by Chris Offutt---COUNTRY WISDOM & LORE---A COUPLE OF COMEDIANS by Don Carpenter---THE CRY OF THE OWL by Patricia Highsmith---CUBA LIBRE by Elmore Leonard---THE DAIN CURSE by Dashiell Hammett---DARE ME by Megan Abbott---DAREDEVIL by Stan Lee, Bill Everett and Jack Kirby---DARKER THAN AMBER by John D. MacDonald---THE DAY OF THE OWL by George Scialabba---DAY OUT OF DAYS by Sam Shepard---DEAR WEATHER GHOST by Melissa Ginsburg---DEATH ON THE INSTALLMENT PLAN by Celine---THE DEMON by Jack Kirby---DESPERATELY SEEKING SOMETHING by Susan Seidelman---THE DHARMA BUMS by Jack Kerouac---DHARMA-SHASTRA by Manu---DIARIES of Lady Anne Clifford---DIARIES of Franz Kafka---DIARY by Witold Gombrowicz---DIARY OF A MAD PLAYWRIGHT by James Kirkwood---DICTIONARY OF ANCIENT DEITIES by Patricia Turner and Charles Russell Coulter---DICTIONARY OF SYMBOLISM by Hans Biedermann---THE DIFFERENCE ENGINE by William Gibson and Bruce Sterling---DILLA TIME by Dan Charnas---THE DISASTER ARTIST by Greg Sestero and Tom Bissell---DOCTOR FAUSTUS by Thomas Mann---DR. SAX by Jack Kerouac---DOCTOR SLEEP by Stephen King---THE DOG OF THE SOUTH by Charles Portis---DOLCE VITA CONFIDENTIAL by Shawn Levy---DON'T LET THE DEVIL RIDE by Ace Atkins---DRACULA by Bram Stoker---DREAM CABINET by Ann Fisher-Wirth---DRESS HER IN INDIGO by John D. MacDonald---DUCKS, NEWBURYPORT by Lucy Ellmann---THE DUD AVOCADO by Elaine Dundy---DUNE by Frank Herbert---DUNGEON MASTER: BOOK ONE by Joe Daly---THE DYING ANIMAL by Philip Roth---THE DYING GRASS by William T. Vollmann---EARLY HAVOC by June Havoc---EL DORADO DRIVE by Megan Abbott---THE ELEMENTALS by Michael McDowell---ELVIS AND GLADYS by Elaine Dundy---THE ENCHANTERS by James Ellroy---THE EPODES by Horace---ESCAPE VELOCITY: A CHARLES PORTIS MISCELLANY---ETHEL MERMAN by Brian Kellow---EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD by Ace Atkins---FABLES FOR OUR TIME by James Thurber---THE FAEIRE QUEENE by Edmund Spenser---FAIRY LAMPS: EVENING'S GLOW OF YESTERYEAR by Amelia E. MacSwiggan---FATALE by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips---FEBRUARY HOUSE by Sherill Tippins---THE FINAL CLUB by Geoffrey Wolff---FINAL CUT by Steven Bach---FINNEGANS WAKE by James Joyce---THE FIRST FOLIO of William Shakespeare---FLAUBERT'S PARROT by Julian Barnes---FLYING SHOES by Lisa Howorth---FOOL FOR LOVE by Sam Shepard---FOR A LITTLE WHILE by Rick Bass---FORGIVE US OUR DIGRESSIONS by Jim and Henny Backus---FRANK: THE VOICE by James Kaplan---FRIDAYS AT ENRICO'S by Don Carpenter (finished by Jonathan Lethem)---FUNNY MAN by Patrick McGilligan---GARGANTUA AND PANTAGRUEL by Francois Rabelais---GAZETTEER OF BRITISH GHOSTS by Peter Underwood---GHOST STORY by Peter Straub---GHOSTS by Cesar Aira---GIANT: THE MAKING OF A LEGENDARY AMERICAN FILM by Don Graham---GILGAMESH---THE GLASS HARMONICA by Barbara Ninde Byfield---THE GO-BETWEEN by L.P. Hartley---GOLDELINE by Jimmy Cajoleas---GONE WITH THE MIND by Mark Leyner---GRAVESEND by William Boyle---GRAVITY'S RAINBOW by Thomas Pynchon---GREAT DREAM OF HEAVEN by Sam Shepard---THE GREAT GATSBY---THE GREAT HUNT by Robert Jordan---GREEN'S DICTIONARY OF SLANG---GRINGOS by Charles Portis---GUNSIGHTS by Elmore Leonard---HAMLET by William Shakespeare---HARLOT'S GHOST by Norman Mailer---THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE by Shirley Jackson---HENRY VI Part 1 by William Shakespeare---HENRY VI Part 2 by William Shakespeare---HENRY VI Part 3 by William Shakespeare---THE HINDUS: AN ALTERNATIVE HISTORY by Wendy Doniger---HISTORY, MYTHS, AND SACRED FORMULAS OF THE CHEROKEES by James Mooney---HOLLYWOOD: THE ORAL HISTORY edited by Jeanine Basinger and Sam Wasson---HOPE: ENTERTAINER OF THE CENTURY by Richard Zoglin---THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR by Anne Rivers Siddons---THE HOUSE ON THE STRAND by Daphne Du Maurier---HOW TO BUILD A GIRL by Caitlin Moran---HOWARD HUGHES: HIS LIFE AND MADNESS by Donald L. Barlett and James B. Steele---HUNGER by Knut Hamsun---HUSH HUSH by Laura Lippman---I OWE RUSSIA $1200 by Bob Hope---IF IT BLEEDS by Stephen King---THE ILIAD---ILLUSTRATED ANTHOLOGY OF SORCERY, MAGIC AND ALCHEMY by Emile Grillot de Givry---IN A GLASS DARKLY by Sheridan Le Fanu---IN MY OWN FASHION by Oleg Cassini---IN THE LAND OF TIME by Lord Dunsany---INDIGNATION by Philip Roth---INTO THE WEEDS by Lydia Davis---THE INVISIBLES by Grant Morrison---IVORY SHOALS by John Brandon---J R by William Gaddis---JANE EYRE by Charlotte Bronte---JOHN AUBREY: MY OWN LIFE by Ruth Scurr---JOSEPH AND HIS BROTHERS by Thomas Mann---JULIUS CAESAR by William Shakespeare---JUNIOR MISS by Sally Benson---JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL---KALILA WA-DIMNA---KID COLT OUTLAW---KILLSHOT by Elmore Leonard---KING LEAR by William Shakespeare---KING SORROW by Joe Hill---THE KINGDOM OF SPEECH by Tom Wolfe---LABRAVA by Elmore Leonard---LAKOTA AMERICA by Pekka Hämäläinen---THE LEOPARD by Giuseppe di Lampedusa---LETTERS FROM AN ACTOR by William Redfield---LIBRA by Don DeLillo---THE LIFE AND LETTERS OF ALEXANDER WILSON---THE LIFE OF SAMUEL JOHNSON by James Boswell---LIFE'S WORK by David Milch---LINCOLN IN THE BARDO by George Saunders---LITTLE DORRIT by Charles Dickens---LITTLE SISTER DEATH by William Gay---LIVES OF THE NECROMANCERS by William Godwin---LO! by Charles Fort---THE LORE AND LANGUAGE OF SCHOOLCHILDREN by Iona and Peter Opie---LOVE'S LABOUR'S LOST by William Shakespeare---LULU IN HOLLYWOOD by Louise Brooks---LUSH LIFE: A BIOGRAPHY OF BILLY STRAYHORN by David Hajdu---MACBETH by William Shakespeare---MADAM by Debby Applegate---MAGIC: A HISTORY by Chris Gosden---THE MAGIC MOUNTAIN by Thomas Mann---MAGPIE MURDERS by Anthony Horowitz---THE MAN WHO COULD CALL DOWN OWLS by Eve Bunting---THE MAN WITHOUT QUALITIES by Robert Musil---A MANUAL FOR CLEANING WOMEN by Lucia Berlin---MARBLE HALL MURDERS by Anthony Horowitz---MARK TWAIN'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY 1910-2010 by Michael Kupperman---MASTERS OF ATLANTIS by Charles Portis---MCSWEENEY'S #36---THE MESSENGERS: OWLS, SYNCHRONICITY AND THE UFO ABDUCTEE by Mike Clelland---MESSIAEN by Peter Hill and Nigel Simeone---METAMORPHOSES by Ovid---A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM by William Shakespeare---MILTON CROSS ENCYCLOPEDIA OF THE GREAT COMPOSERS AND THEIR MUSIC---A MIRACLE OF CATFISH by Larry Brown---MISCELLANIES by John Aubrey---MONKEYS by Susan Minot---MOONFLOWER MURDERS by Anthony Horowitz---THE MOST DANGEROUS THING by Laura Lippman---THE MOVIE MUSICAL! by Jeanine Basinger---MURDERLAND by Caroline Fraser---MUSIC OF THE SWAMP by Lewis Nordan---MY ANTONIA by Willa Cather---MY FATHER, THE PORNOGRAPHER by Chris Offutt----MY LUCKY STARS by Shirley MacLaine---MY NAME IS BARBRA by Barbra Streisand---MY SIDE by Ruth Gordon---MY WICKED, WICKED WAYS by Errol Flynn---THE NAKED AND THE DEAD by Norman Mailer---THE NAME OF THE GAME IS DEATH by Dan J. Marlowe---NANCY: A COMIC COLLECTION by Olivia Jaimes---NATIVE AMERICAN FOOD PLANTS: AN ETHNOBOTANICAL DICTIONARY by Daniel E. Moerman---NATURAL HISTORY by Pliny the Elder---NAVAHO WITCHCRAFT by Clyde Kluckhohn---THE NEW LAROUSSE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF ANIMAL LIFE, consultant editor Maurice Burton---THE NIGHT MANAGER by John le Carré---NIGHT SIDE OF THE RIVER by Jeanette Winterson---NIGHTMARE IN PINK by John D. MacDonald---NIGHTWOOD by Djuna Barnes---NO HEROES by Chris Offutt---NORMAN MAILER: A DOUBLE LIFE by J. Michael Lennon---NORWOOD by Charles Portis---NUTSHELL by Ian McEwan---THE OBSCENE BIRD OF NIGHT by José Donoso*---THE ODYSSEY---OF A FIRE ON THE MOON by Norman Mailer---OMINOUS WHOOSH by John Thorne---ON RARE BIRDS by Anita Albus---ON THE ROAD by Jack Kerouac---THE ONE INSIDE by Sam Shepard---ORSON WELLES, VOLUME 1: THE ROAD TO XANADU by Simon Callow---OSCAR WILDE by Richard Ellmann---THE OTHER by Thomas Tryon---OUR STRANGERS by Lydia Davis---OUT OF THE WOODS by Chris Offutt---OUTLAWS OF THE MARSH by Shi Nai'an and Luo Guanzhong, translated by Sidney Shapiro---THE OWL by Siegel & Gill (?)---OWLS IN FOLKLORE AND NATURAL HISTORY by Virginia C. Holmgren---A PARISIAN AFFAIR AND OTHER STORIES by Guy de Maupassant---THE PATCHWORK GIRL OF OZ by L. Frank Baum---THE PENGUIN BOOK OF SPIRITUAL VERSE, edited by Kaveh Akbar---THE PEREGRINE by J. A. Baker---THE PERSONAL MEMOIRS OF ULYSSES S. GRANT---THE PICKWICK PAPERS by Charles Dickens---PINOCCHIO by Carlo Collodi---THE POEMS AND PLAYS OF ROBERT BROWNING---THE QUICK by Lauren Owen---RAGE FOR FAME: THE ASCENT OF CLARE BOOTHE LUCE by Sylvia Jukes Morris---RAMAYANA, adapted by William Buck---THE RAT ON FIRE by George V. Higgins---REBELLION by Peter Ackroyd---THE REDEEMERS by Ace Atkins---REPROBATES: THE CAVALIERS OF THE ENGLISH CIVIL WAR by John Stubbs---RICHARD II by William Shakespeare---RIDES OF THE MIDWAY by Lee Durkee---ROTH UNBOUND by Claudia Roth Pierpont---RUM PUNCH by Elmore Leonard---RUN MAN RUN by Chester Himes---SAINT OF THE NARROWS STREET by William Boyle---'SALEM'S LOT by Stephen King---THE SCARLET RUSE by John D. MacDonald---SELECTED CRONICAS by Clarice Lispector---SELECTED POEMS by Christopher Smart---SELECTED POEMS of Lord Byron---SELECTED PROSE AND DRAMATIC WORK by John Lyly---SHADOW BOX by George Plimpton---SHAKESPEARE by Mark Van Doren---SHAKESPEARE: MAN AND ARTIST by Edgar I. Fripp---SHAKESPEARE'S SISTERS by Ramie Targoff---SHIRLEY JACKSON: A RATHER HAUNTED LIFE by Ruth Franklin---SHOOT THE MOONLIGHT OUT by William Boyle---SHOOTING MIDNIGHT COWBOY by Glenn Frankel---SHY by Mary Rodgers---THE SIDNEY PSALTER, translated by Mary and Philip Sidney---THE SINNERS by Ace Atkins---SIX TRAGEDIES by Seneca---640 OF MY COLLECTIONS by Dr. Harold Wallman---SO LONG, SEE YOU TOMORROW by William Maxwell---SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LIE by Leslie Brody---THE SONG OF THE LARK by Willa Cather---THE SOT-WEED FACTOR by John Barth---SOUR BLUEBERRIES---SOUTHERN LADY CODE by Helen Ellis---SPACE ODYSSEY by Michael Benson---SPY OF THE FIRST PERSON by Sam Shepard---STANLEY KUBRICK: A BIOGRAPHY by Vincent LoBrutto---STROHEIM by Arthur Lennig---THE SUMMA THEOLOGICA of Thomas Aquinas---THE SUMMER BOOK by Tove Jansson---SWAMP THING by Alan Moore---SWEET BANANAS---SWEETHEARTS by Sharon Rich---TALES DESIGNED TO THRIZZLE, VOL. 1 by Michael Kupperman---TECHNICIANS OF THE SACRED, edited by Jerome Rothenberg---THE TEMPEST by William Shakespeare---THE TEMPTATION OF SAINT ANTONY by Gustave Flaubert---A TERRIBLE LIAR by Hume Cronyn---THAT AWFUL MESS ON THE VIA MERULANA by Carlo Emilio Gadda---THAT IS ALL by John Hodgman---THE THREE MUSKETEERS by Alexandre Dumas---TILL EULENSPIEGEL---TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, SPY by John le Carre---TOM STOPPARD: A LIFE by Hermione Lee---TRAVELS OF WILLIAM BARTRAM---TREASURE ISLAND by Robert Louis Stevenson---TRUE GRIT by Charles Portis---THE TURQUOISE LAMENT by John D. MacDonald---TWELFTH NIGHT by William Shakespeare---THE TWO NOBLE KINSMEN by John Fletcher and William Shakespeare---TWO-GUN KID by Larry Lieber and Dick Ayers---ULYSSES by James Joyce---UNCLE SILAS by Sheridan Le Fanu---THE UNFORTUNATE TRAVELLER AND OTHER WORKS by Thomas Nashe---THE UNSPEAKABLE CONFESSIONS OF SALVADOR DALI---VISIONS OF GERARD by Jack Kerouac---A VISIT FROM THE GOON SQUAD by Jennifer Egan---THE VOYAGE OUT by Virginia Woolf---VULGAR ERRORS by Sir Thomas Browne---THE VULGAR TONGUE: GREEN'S HISTORY OF SLANG by Jonathon Green---WALT DISNEY: THE TRIUMPH OF THE AMERICAN IMAGINATION by Neal Gabler---WARHOL by Blake Gopnik---WEIRD WESTERN TALES by Cary Bates and Neal Adams (and others)---THE WHITE PEOPLE AND OTHER WEIRD STORIES by Arthur Machen*---THE WILD BUNCH by W.K. Stratton---WILD MINDS by Reid Mitenbuler---WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: A COMPACT DOCUMENTARY LIFE by S. Schoenbaum---WISE BLOOD by Flannery O'Connor---THE WITCHING HOUR by Bob Haney, Pat Boyette, and others---WITHOUT FEATHERS by Woody Allen.---THE WOMAN WARRIOR by Maxine Hong Kingston---THE WONDERFUL YEAR by Thomas Dekker---WORLD'S FINEST COMICS---THE YEAR OF LEAR by James Shapiro---YEVONDE: LIFE AND COLOUR by Clare Freestone---YOKO by David Sheff---YOU WILL KNOW ME by Megan Abbott---YOUR BODY IS CHANGING. And that is every book with an owl in it.

Have Fun

Here are some favorite lines from Bill Cunningham's narration of that second video: "Here is an elderly lady tenant. She was at one time a circus performer. She played her harmonica outside Carnegie Hall for money... And she would ride up and down inside, on my floor, on her unicycle, balancing the dog on her head." Then he just casually drops the fact that Marilyn Monroe used to come by his place and "try on hats and laugh and have fun."

What Else Is Great

You know what else is great? On Wadada Leo Smith's "Nine (9) Stones On a Mountain" (from THE KABELL YEARS) when the harmonica comes in. I didn't see that coming! And then (I think) a piccolo and a glockenspiel! Yeah! Like that harp and bongo duet in that Doris Day movie, except mystical and awesome instead of terrible.

"Blog" Advent Calendar for Dec. 25, 2009

You know what time it is. Time for the culmination of the "blog" advent calendar, when every year it unfurls in its glory or something. "Click" here if you need a refresher course on how that works. Or just take this walk down memory lane with me right now. Our story so far: 1. The musical question, "Isn't it groovy in a daydream?" 2. The bubble organ. 3. Extraordinary experiences of Tesla. 4. Benjamin Franklin gives you some advice. 5. Kitten paintings. 6. A whole book! GHOSTS I HAVE SEEN by Violet Tweedale. 7. A robot that sweats! 8. "Mr. Sandman" in a moving car. 9. The Hawaiian Punch FAQ. 10. Joan Sawyer's new dance creation "The Aeroplane Waltz." 11. Win a real live pony (or a horse if you prefer). 12. About Little Lulu. 13. Instructions for making a bed of nails. 14. A couple of kids perform the "Safety Dance." 15. A woman dances in 1898. 16. "Ooey Gooey." 17. Squirrel plays harmonica. 18. Elevator shoes. 19. The Billy Strayhorn composition "Lotus Blossom." 20. PUT A GREEN LIGHT AT YOUR HOUSE. 21. A "hippie band" - in miniature bottle form, that is! 22. The bugle calls you need to know before you can earn your bugling merit badge. 23. A survey for tree farmers from Tree Farmer magazine. 24. Moon Woman "lays eggs, and sits on them, hatching giants" (!). And now, what will your 25th and ultimate surprise be? Will it be a match for last year's monumental William Blake archives? Probably not! Maybe it will go in the other direction, something small and subtle. Who knows? As always, there is but one way to find out!