Foodstuffs!

Welcome once again to our regular feature "Foodstuffs!" - the only place on the "internet" where you can read about food! Whoops, it has been about two years since the last "Foodstuffs!", sorry. So I keep listening to this sea chantey over and over, all about a happy cod fisherman. Here (pictured) is the very fellow who sings it! It sounds as if the refrain is "this is a snakesman's life at sea," but I looked up "snakesman" and that seems to be a little skinny burglar who can fit into tight places the better to rob you... like chimneys? I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. The "internet" tells me this guy is singing "smacksman," not "snakesman." Sure sounds like "snakesman." I don't know what a "smacksman" is, except that it seems less interesting than a "snakesman." In one startling part of the ballad, our friend describes how the townspeople enjoy gathering "to see us get our fish on deck/ and crack their skulls with a little short stick." Take your entertainment where you can get it! I suppose you are disappointed because this was not a continuation of our recent discussion of Melba toast. WRONG! I looked up toast in my OXFORD COMPANION TO FOOD, and the author is practically fainting from how stoked he is to come from England, which has the greatest toast traditions, according to his swooning rhapsodies on the subject. He does mention that the romantic creation tale of Melba toast is thought by toast scholars to be "appealing but questionable." I ask you, is there any real truth in life? I guess not! The article is sprinkled - I should say "spread," ha ha! - with irresistible sentences like, "Meat toppings for toast became fashionable during the 16th century." Now, this has nothing to do with food, but we're all here so what the hell: This Norman Mailer bio wastes no time - page 11! - in saying Mailer's father looked owlish, making it a book with an owl in it. Yes, that counts! "Click" here and here if you don't believe me. Ha, I know you won't "click." You never do! It's what makes our relationship so volatile and passionate. I've never felt closer to you.