This Is It

Well, we have been providing, by my calculations, an average of 2.8 "posts" per day for an entire year. And not all of them have been short like this or this or this. Some of them have been quite long, like this or this. Sometimes we had to apologize, they were so long. Many times they were chock full of wisdom and insight. Or tips on how to play Candyland. Some days we did no "posts." One day we did thirteen. And now if you will excuse us, we are going to check into a monastery and renounce the world forever.

Candyland Forever

"What's wrong with the game going on forever?" Jeff McNeil inquires. "Do these other jokers not want to spend time with their kids?" he rages. "Hugs not drugs!" he insists.

Candyland Apocalypse

Not since chicken salad has anything resonated for the "blog" in quite the same way as Candyland. Over at the Pendarvis Building we have only the vaguest recollection of the game, but our friends with children seem to think about it all the time. Jim Whorton wrote in just last night to thank Jeff McNeil for his Candyland advice. "My thing with Candyland is, I don't care who wins," Whorton wrote, "I just want the game to be over at some point." By coincidence, this had been the topic at hand earlier in the day, when a "blog" reader by the name of Mr. Ward phoned the Pendarvis Building hotline to discuss, of all things, Candyland. His advice touched precisely on Whorton's concern. Mr. Ward suggests surreptitiously stacking the deck beforehand to ensure that the child wins the game fairly quickly. He was alarmed at Mr. McNeil's ploy of cheating to win, though he admitted that if one stacks the deck, one could stack it either way. Mr. Ward's main goal is speeding up the game. "Candyland is fine," he said. "But it can go on forever if you don't take the proper precautions."

Jeff McNeil's Candyland Tips for Struggling Parents

As longtime "blog" readers will concede with a knowing chuckle, we at the Pendarvis Building have always held up Jeff McNeil as a paragon of gamesmanship. He proves himself again today, with this little nugget we found slipped under the door: "Here's a Candyland tip for the novice parent...Listen up, Whorton! The red cards and orange cards are VERY similar in color, and a six-year old is easily talked into a double red actually being a double orange if it suits your purpose at a certain juncture of the game. It's not cheating!! Just think of it as a 'lawyer training seminar' or something...it's what those guys get rich doing all day long."

James Whorton, Jr.'s C-Spandemonium!

It's time once again for what polls are calling the public's all-time favorite feature, "James Whorton, Jr.'s C-Spandemonium!" This just in from Jim: "Nora [Whorton's young daughter] and I were watching James Baker III on C-Span tonight and playing Candyland. I won the first two games and for the third, she stacked the cards so that all the doubles were on top. Then she made a rule that we could not talk about what we were thinking. So whenever we drew a double we had to say, 'Another double!' Sorry no news from James Baker III." We at the "blog" have not played Candyland in a very long while, so we are not exactly sure what Whorton is getting at with this talk of "doubles" and so on. But we put it out there for you Candyland fans. Finally, we ask Whorton not to apologize. Our C-Span 2 is back and better than ever, which should remove some of the Atlas-grade weight from his shoulders.