A Thick Envenomed Froth

I was reading in LIVES OF THE NECROMANCERS about Apollonius of Tyana, who once defeated some guy who turned into "an enormous black dog, of the size of a lion, and whose mouth and jaws were covered with a thick envenomed froth." And the footnote told me that this story comes down to us by way of Philostratus, and no, I had no idea who that was. But I was like, "I'm gonna walk up to Square Books, and if they have any Philostratus I'm gonna buy it! I want to read more about magic evil dogs!" But part of me was like, "They won't have any Philostratus, ha ha ha, I'll save some money." But then they HAD IT. So I had to buy it. Godwin writes that Apollonius was born "nearly at the same time as Jesus Christ... The publicity of Apollonius and his miracles has become considerably greater, from the circumstance of the early enemies of the Christian religion having instituted a comparison between the miracles of Christ and of this celebrated philosopher." My new Philostratus book flap confirms his life story to be "a pagan counterstroke against the New Testament." It's not Apollonius's fault! He also confronted a mysterious bride (pictured) who "at length owned that she was an empuse (a sort of vampire)," writes Godwin, "and that she had determined to cherish and pamper Menippus, that she might in the conclusion eat his flesh, and lap up his blood." (!)

Your Albert Einstein Bigfoot News For Today

I just read an obituary of Albert Einstein's granddaughter. I won't "link" to it because she had a lot of sadness in her life, and I like to keep things nice and frothy for you, even when it comes to obituaries. But I will say that for a time, Albert Einstein's granddaughter was married to a bigfoot hunter.

Whom the Gods Would Destroy, They Introduce to Sparkly Unicorns

"Many have tried to track the unicorn's progress, and a few have glimpsed madness along the way." So warns Chris Lavers in the introduction to his NATURAL HISTORY OF UNICORNS. So watch out! Also, I hope there is more in the book about bearded unicorn scholars reduced to frothing wrecks by their terrifying unicorn discoveries.

Pia's Orange Reflection

I'm not kidding when I say I'm short on "blogging" time today. But lucky for me, a recent "post" seemed to touch a soft spot in the heart of our good friend Pia Z., who offers the following reflection, perfect for cutting-and-pasting: "When I worked at Cloverleaf Mall in Hattiesburg," Pia writes, "in the shoe department at Waldoff's, I'd walk down to Orange Julius for my lunch break, sit by myself at the yellow formica table, and watch for any cute guys who might be walking around. I ordered the same thing every time: a perfect, unadorned thin grilled hamburger (was the bun buttered?) and crunchy fries. What is that mysterious powder they'd dump into the blender that made an Orange Julius taste like a frothy Dreamsicle?" The "blog" is sorry to report it was a raw egg, Pia!

McNeil's Movie Korner: McNeil Predicts

Welcome again to McNeil's Movie Korner, the only place you can go on the "web" to get movie advice from the friend of someone who has a "blog." In this edition, McNeil predicts - without having seen it yet - that he, and you, will greatly enjoy a film entitled A VERY SPECIAL FAVOR, starring Rock Hudson and Leslie Caron. Why? Because the team who wrote it also came up with HOW TO SAVE A MARRIAGE AND RUIN YOUR LIFE. McNeil goes on to list a stream of coincidences, a practice we encourage - nay, demand! - here at the "blog": "Nate Monaster," writes McNeil, "one of the writers of HOW TO SAVE A MARRIAGE, also worked on CALL ME BWANA [starring "blog" "fave" Bob Hope]." CALL ME BWANA, McNeil points out, was directed by Gordon Douglas, who also helmed WAY... WAY OUT, the subject of a previous "McNeil's Movie Korner." "But here's the real kicker," says McNeil, all in a froth. "Fielder Cook, the director of HOW TO SAVE A MARRIAGE, lived in [McNeil's hometown] until he died in 2003! If only I had known!" McNeil goes on to fantasize about the missed opportunity of some kind of Tuesdays With Morrie type relationship with Mr. Cook, during which, McNeil posits, he could have "wrangled" some secrets about Dino and Stella. "DAMN!!!!" McNeil concludes (exclamation points his). The "blog" regrets the cussing, but we felt it essential to capturing McNeil's unique voice.