Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Look At Kent

During the ADVENTURE TIME meeting the other day, Kent - dressed in normal Kent clothes - left his office to pee. When he came back he was dressed like this:
Adam didn't care. Adam was sitting there looking at a storyboard or something and he glanced up when Kent walked in and then he went back to the storyboard AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED. Hey, look, there I am on the computer screen.

Sunday, January 25, 2015


Watched the Laurel and Hardy movie WAY OUT WEST for research. About halfway through, Laurel, having lost a bet, eats part of Hardy's hat. And for the rest of the movie there are big bites missing from the brim of Hardy's hat! This is noteworthy only because "realistic" continuity is never much of a concern in Laurel and Hardy's world. I think it's funny and noble (and tragic, illuminating the human condition?) that somebody on the set decided to make a real commitment to this one thing.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Flashes of Light in the Forest

Was reading FLAUBERT'S PARROT by Julian Barnes and becoming pretty certain there would not be an owl in it. I mean, on page 46 there is a list of dozens of different kinds of animals, but no owls. And I was like, "Oh, well, if there were to be an owl in this book that was the spot for it." As much as I complain about my sick compulsion to list every book I read that has an owl in it (which is every book), I felt kind of let down. Just a few pages later, though, from a summary of a Flaubert story: "Flashes of light in the forest... prove to be the eyes of watching beasts: wild cats, squirrels, owls, parrots and monkeys." Tell me, what did I feel? Here's a picture of an owl Megan Abbott just sent me, coincidentally. "It's a purse!" Megan exclaims.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Please, No Applause

Just watched the movie BRIGHT LEAF as research for my cigarette lighter book and I know you don't care and I got some good stuff but here's part I'm not going to use in the book because why would I? Jack Carson is in a starry wizard robe selling snake oil, and at the end of a triumphant chorus of "Golden Slippers" the crowd looks at him with silent, stony-eyed disdain and he says, "Please, no applause." Jack Carson! It's like I've always said, old Jack Carson could really put it over.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Amazement That Can Only Be Imagined

I don't care what anybody says, I really enjoy that old "Symphonie fantastique." I guess it's one of the warhorses I like to complain about, but guess what? I'm a hypocrite. I like how the theme of the piece is - and allow me to paraphrase wildly - "Gee, why can't I get that girl to like me? They'll all be sorry when I'm dead! What if they cut my head off? Some witches will probably dance on my grave!" When I was a boy I read somewhere, "Berlioz says nothing in his music, but he says it so beautifully." I thought it was probably in my MILTON CROSS' ENCYCLOPEDIA OF THE GREAT COMPOSERS AND THEIR MUSIC, because you remember how Milton Cross loves to pour salt in composers' wounds. But I just leafed through and couldn't find it. On the "internet" I see it attributed to James Huneker. When I was a kid I was probably like, "Ouch! Zing! Take that!" But today I think James Huneker just sounds like a big smart aleck. Meanwhile, the MILTON CROSS makes Berlioz sound like Charlie Brown: "As a boy of twelve Berlioz fell in love with a girl six years his senior, carrying on in a way to amuse his neighbors and embarrass the innocent object of his adoration... Berlioz was to see her only once in the next fifty years... Now a white-haired woman of sixty-five, the mother of four grown children, she was to hear from Berlioz' lips - and with amazement that can only be imagined - that she had been the only love of his life."

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Weird Bags Are Amazing

Saw Jimmy at City Grocery Bar last night. He was visiting from his new home in New Orleans! We were talking about the first sentence of my cigarette lighter book and it caused Jimmy to say, "Weird bags are amazing!" - none of your beeswax why! I guess you'll just have to buy the book, ha ha ha, don't lie to me. Jimmy went on to talk about a "witch bag" he had seen in Oxford, England. He said it was a bag you catch witches in! "Like, their souls?" I asked. Jimmy was vague. But he did say, "That was the first time I saw a human skull." He said the skull was next to the witch bag. "I was glad it was behind glass!" he exclaimed of the witch bag. I expressed my doubt that a pane of glass could save you from the evil contents of a witch bag. "But there was a cork in it," Jimmy explained, referring to the witch bag in question.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

The Strangest Surprises of All

Thanks to McNeil I am listening to these old tapes of this old conspiracy theorist on old youtube. You know, Dr. Peter Beter, who says that Jimmy Carter was replaced by a series of robots. "The strangest surprises of all have been caused by the Jimmy Carter robotoids," says Dr. Peter Beter. Oh, McNeil! What have you done to me? Dr. Peter Beter (ha ha ha!) explains that "the holographic computer brains in the robotoids include instabilities which were present in the real Carter brain." You know how that goes! So the Jimmy Carter robots are going rogue and screwing things up for their Russian masters. Dr. Peter Beter points to the time that Jimmy Carter told the press he was attacked by "a swamp rabbit" on a fishing trip. (That really happened, as I well remember.) So the Russians, according to Dr. Peter Beter, decided to kill the malfunctioning Jimmy Carter robotoid by entering him in a footrace! Ha ha ha! Oh, I shouldn't be laughing. The man obviously has problems. But that is a funny way to kill a robotoid. "Carter Robotoid #14 was programmed to run like the wind," says Dr. Peter Beter. Ha ha ha ha ha! Again, sorry. He also asks us to check SPORTS ILLUSTRATED for photos that will prove Jimmy Carter has been replaced by a robotoid. Oh, here's the "link" to Dr. Peter Beter, I guess it won't kill you.