I Was Right

I read a book in a single day. I can't remember the last time I did that. It was Jeanette Winterson's new book of ghost stories, and so it made perfect reading for Christmas Eve. I said to myself when I opened it, "This book is going to have an owl in it," and I was right.

Narrative Implications

The doctor is making me exercise, so I made myself a little exercise playlist to which I can march around like a big strong he-man. One of the selections on my playlist is "Hollywood Swinging" by Kool & the Gang. Never before have I paid such attention to the lyrics as I have while my body marches around, leaving my mind a total blank, except for the song lyrics imprinting themselves on my smooth, round brain. Imagine my astonishment when I heard Kool & the Gang singing (I may be paraphrasing a little, but I don't think so) "I remember not too long ago, I went to the theater and saw a Kool & the Gang show." I was immediately reminded of the narrative implications of the song "Truck Driving Man" ("click" here for vital details), as well as the reality-bending musical choices in the films EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE, G. I. BLUES, and DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN (once again, please "click" here for deeper insights).

A Dilly

In the course of everyday email communications, McNeil happened to mention that he was under the impression I had once met Phyllis Diller. I was sad to tell him that he was mistaken. In response, McNeil wrote, "You lied to me." His implication was that I had previously misled him with some sort of fanciful prevarication detailing a purely imaginary meeting with Phyllis Diller. I replied that there was no way I would ever lie to him about such a thing. I am sure I have never claimed to McNeil, or to anyone else, that I ever had the pleasure of meeting Phyllis Diller. McNeil is now digging through his vast archives, hoping to uncover evidence to the contrary, which, I assure you, does not exist.

Rough Treatment

I see that the Willy Wonka prequel is coming out next week, which reminds me that Pendleton Ward and I were asked to provide a rough treatment for what we might do with that very story. We wrote the treatment, but we never got paid... in fact, as I recall, we were more or less ghosted... talk about rough treatment! But when I saw an ad for the movie, I started laughing, thinking about some of our funny ideas. Our prequel starts out as a sequel. Willy Wonka has handed over the factory to Charlie Bucket and blasted off to live his new life on the surface of the sun. I can't remember why! Anyway, Charlie has a philosophy that is the opposite of Wonka's: he throws open the doors to the factory and kids just swarm everywhere, eating everything in sight. Until! They discover a wall made of everlasting gobstobbers, behind which is entombed Wonka's most shocking and deadly secret. Charlie really wants to find out what's behind the wall. Hundreds of kids lick at it for hours, to no avail. Finally... and this is the part that I wanted to tell you... FINALLY! Charlie enlists a character named "Young Jaws." This is what I'm so happy about. Jaws is the villain from a couple of James Bond movies... you remember his big silver chompers! Maybe I'll attach a photo, which I hardly ever do anymore. Anyway, "Young Jaws" is him as a child, ha ha, that's right, our Willy Wonka prequel is also a prequel to MOONRAKER! As I was saying, Young Jaws is enlisted to bite through the wall of everlasting gobstobbers. Then some other stuff happens that leads to the prequel.

Sorry State

It's the time of year when we come together and assess the state of the "blog." Isn't it? Well, it should be! Look. As you know, I stopped "blogging" in 2016 because I got depressed the day our TV blew up. Year after year, the number of "posts" decreased, satisfyingly, though the "blog" continued to function on a minimalist level, due to routine maintenance requirements, such as telling you every time I read a book with an owl in it. Then, of course, our lives were altered by a famous pandemic, and I was called on by a grateful nation to start "blogging" again to cheer up the world, resulting in the first increase in "blogging" activity since our TV began to smoke during a viewing of Bob Hope in I'LL TAKE SWEDEN. After those heady times, whatever that means, of 2020, the "blog" began to sink back into the mire, where it belonged. That is why it is so sad to report that after a second, post-pandemic pattern of steady decline, the number of "posts" unexpectedly went up this year, defying the predictions of our greatest scientists and thinkers. What is to blame for this disheartening development? We cannot say it is only because I encountered a record-breaking (?) FIVE books with owls in them in November alone. For who can forget the owl drought that preceded such bounty? No, it's all because I quit social media in late 2022. Unless this is social media. Is this social media? In short, my fingers had grown too used to typing and could not be stopped. For the record, we reached the tipping point during McNeil's reflection on the first time he saw a liter bottle of Coca-Cola.