He Really Hates That Axe

I suppose you're wondering why I haven't been "blogging" as much as usual. What? You haven't noticed? Well, that just hurts my feelings. But I've been thinking about this GAME OF THRONES business, and naturally I decided to write one of these sprawling fantasy epics. For real! Except mine's going to be "funny" and everyone will hate it. That's my trademark! I've been writing up a storm (79 pages), plus doing some research: reading one of these WHEEL OF TIME books by Robert Jordan. I've never read them before. I grabbed one at random. I don't understand it at all! It's 981 pages long, and then there's a glossary! I was on a panel with Robert Jordan once. He was wearing his hat and rings and sunglasses and brandishing an ornate cane - he really made an impression. Plus he was incredibly gracious and nice. It was one of my first panels as a "writer" and he - a million seller many times over - made me feel welcome and part of the club. I was sorry to hear he passed away not too long ago. So on page 59 of this book of his I'm reading, a guy's axe suddenly comes to life and attacks him. It flies around the room and tries to chop off his head. "'Just you and me now,' he snarled at the axe. 'Blood and ashes, how I hate you!'" That's just crazy. Everything about it is immune to parody. So you can see my problem. You've really put me in a spot, Robert Jordan.