Saturday, August 24, 2013

Diamond Jerks

When I couldn't sleep at 4AM I got up and decided to see what kind of crazy mix-ups they were getting into on the Gem Shopping Network. This dude was barely trying to sell gems! He was showing vacation photos. It went on a while. He took pictures of everything! Like the street in front of his hotel, for example. Just the street, lying there being a street. Then he tried to sell some opal rings, but his heart wasn't in it. So he showed another picture. WARNING! WARNING! I am about to tell you something awful, so don't read it if you are feeling squeamish, or are squeamish by nature. It is similar to the last time I gave you a warning. This dude suddenly showed his vacation photo of SOME PEOPLE BARBECUING A DOG. I'm sorry. Now, perhaps you live somewhere where it is a regular matter to barbecue a dog, and I'm not putting forth any judgement. So be it! But I did not expect to see it on the Gem Shopping Network at 4 in the morning. I fumbled for the remote - too late! too late! - and switched over to a movie where Keanu Reeves was being a World War II soldier and he had these lines of dialogue: "I don't want to sell chocolates anymore... in the war, I had time to think." So I switched back to see what this guy on the Gem Shopping Network might possibly do next. He was reading gem quotations he had printed out. Slow night on the Gem Shopping Network! One was (this may not be exact), "You can learn to grade diamonds in an afternoon, but it can take you 25 years to learn to grade a sapphire." This sapphire expert was really sticking it to those hoity-toity diamond jerks.