Thursday, May 26, 2011

Tracey From the Gem Shopping Network

Insomniacs! You could spend your miserable hours in much worse company than that of "Tracey" from the Gem Shopping Network. She keeps up a steady stream of patter - whispering, humming, singing, shouting, doing accents - it's a thrill ride! She'll drop in a non sequitur about the moon landing, or a few bars of "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" (or "Before the Parade Passes By" or "Winter Wonderland"). Sometimes she just goes, "La la la la la la la la la la la!" On a mournful note, the death of her father came up briefly; she was frank and exhibited no self-pity on the subject. But don't think she is not moving product! Sure, she tells you about the time she broke her leg, but that's just because a bejeweled golden frog that seems to be comically saying "Oh my!" (its hands to its face and its tongue poking out) makes her think of how lucky she is to have such great women friends who took care of her when she broke her leg, and how this frog is just the kind of thing they might give each other as a present and have the giggles over. As for the "Musical Majestic Egg" that plays the love theme from THE TITANIC, she says you could hide an engagement ring in it for a nice surprise or "give it to your granddaughter who hasn't been born yet." Then she talked about how she grew up in a Kentucky jail! Her father was a jailer. Her family lived downstairs. "We ate the same food the prisoners ate," she said. "And it was pretty good food." The first time Tracey went to a country club, she didn't know which fork to use! I love you, Tracey from the Gem Shopping Network! (I'd show you a picture of Tracey, or at least the comical "Oh my!" frog, but the dumb idiot "web" host is still broken and forces me to "blog" on a borrowed computer to which I cannot in good conscience upload pictures.) Note to the government: I am not affiliated with nor compensated by the Gem Shopping Network. I wish!