The Latest Report

Everybody, you will be so ecstatic to hear that I have seen another TV commercial I would like to tell you about. It stars one of our local weathermen! (Or maybe he is a news anchor. Anyway, he looks familiar.) He says, "Thinking of remodeling your home? Have you SEEN the latest report? There is only one way to get back OVER 100 percent of your investment... AN IRON FRONT DOOR." I cannot overemphasize the ominousness he brings to the question "Have you SEEN the latest report?" That report sounds like a dilly! Maybe I don't WANT to see it! Of the iron front door, our weatherman makes the astounding promise, "It won't rot." Best of all the iron door company is called "Quantum Entries." Quantum Entries! That is some kind of name. Note to the government, who now regulates such things: this is not a paid endorsement for Quantum Entries brand Iron Doors. It is just a story about a dramatic commercial I saw. There are many commercials I don't like, and I complain about them constantly, but I like commercials about iron front doors and needles with extra big eyes and cactus juice that solves all your problems.