Something to Do in New York City

Do you live in New York City? Probably not! Because why would you be reading this "blog"? You could be out doing something! Like eating Alaskan black cod in a parking garage with John McEnroe! Or standing on a guy who aspires to be a human carpet. OR you could be going to the KGB Bar TONIGHT ONLY to see "Blog" Buddy Michael Bible reading from his work. Do it! Maybe the carpet guy will show up. But you'll forget all about him as you thrill to the mesmerizing words of Michael Bible. Meanwhile, Tim Pawlenty and Vanilla Ice are coming right up on Fox & Friends so I really have to go.