Friday, June 21, 2013

Currant Events

I went crazy and bought some kind of black currant juice at the grocery store. Must be a midlife crisis! Then I was thinking WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH CURRANTS? So I decided to look them up in the old OXFORD COMPANION TO FOOD. But now I'm just confused, because currants "have nothing to do with currants" according to the OXFORD COMPANION TO FOOD... I exaggerate through selectively truncated quotation! Still, one kind of currant is nothing but a dried grape. But were the juice made of that, I guess they'd call it grape juice, or raisin juice (the latter not so farfetched! Consider prune juice [Oh God, is this what has become of me?]). Anyhow, turns out there's nothing interesting about currants. Normally when I "google" a terrible pun such as "Currant Events," I do so with fear, anxiety, despair and remorse. In this case, however, I am almost gleeful to find out how many times such a terrible pun has been made on the "internet" (though this one might, to a significant percentage, be a typo rather than a pun). There were 17,200 matches, you will be happy to know, including a "Currant Events Festival" in La Valle, Wisconsin, and a "Currant Events" newsletter from a troupe called the "Red Currant Collective" who appear, based on the picture at their homepage, to do interpretative dance in a breezy glade. In conclusion I will mention this morning's email from McNeil, in which he has a brilliant idea about getaway cars in case we ever decide to commit a crime. I can't reveal McNeil's astonishing plan! (See also, McNeil's surefire system for winning at craps.)