That Ramones Documentary

That Ramones documentary really opened up possibilities for the kind of rambling, disconnected outburst that is the whole purpose of "blogging." For example, I recalled that one of our "Blog" Buddies (whose name will be withheld here to protect his privacy) lived in the same building where (and when) Dee Dee Ramone passed away. In the documentary, Dee Dee brought up the name and oeuvre of Schoolly D, perhaps the original gangster rapper and a man with whom Barry B. and I once enjoyed a brief but fruitful professional relationship, in conjunction with a kids' show that we used to make. You never hear about Schoolly D anymore, though I brought him up in passing in an Oxford American music issue. And yes, Barry B. and I once made a kids' show. I have discovered that there is even a Wikipedia article about it. "Click" here for the article, which contains a small bit of accurate information here and there. Need more proof? Well, it seems timely to mention that back in '96, one of our lovable characters ran for president. I close with a clip of her campaign video (campaign song composed by Jon Langford):

Puffy Thrasher

Replies the Bird Correspondent, "Well, if it's not the wren, a brown thrasher is about the only other option I can think of. They're about the same color on the back, a cinnamon brown, and the beak fits. Thrashers are large, the size of a blue jay. They are also likely residents of bushes near the house. I would have mentioned them to begin with except that they are long, narrow birds. All birds will puff up in the cold and look fat, but still--a thrasher round? Not so much. Thrashers are svelte and elegant, with very long tails--like mockingbirds, only longer and pointier. Above is a photo of one looking somewhat puffy." Not as puffy as ours, Bird Correspondent!

And Another Thing, Dear Bird Correspondent ...

Could it be a brown thrasher? A particularly fat one? I have just seen a picture of a brown thrasher. Perhaps we have the Jayne Mansfield of brown thrashers.

Dear Bird Correspondent

Dear Bird Correspondent, I had a good close look at our resident bird today and am no longer convinced that it is a Carolina wren. First, it definitely DOES NOT have the distinctive white stripe over its eye. Second, our bird has alternating bands of dark and light feathers along its chest and belly - almost like stripes - that I have not seen in any pictures of Carolina wrens. Third, its tail, while somewhat resembling the tail of a Carolina wren, does not stick up. It is parallel to the ground. Fourth, the bird appears to be larger than an average Carolina wren. Fifth, our bird seems to be (on its back and head and wings) a more solid and rustier brown. The bird does share with the Carolina wren a long, pointed beak (with which, as I have just observed, it likes to crack open acorns and eat them) and a spherical body type. What do we have, Dear Bird Correspondent? A mutant Carolina wren?

One Year Ago In "Blog" History

One year ago today, I must have had some enjoyable taffy. Thank you. This has been "One Year Ago In 'Blog' History."

Everywhere

Tonight I watched END OF THE CENTURY, an interesting documentary about the Ramones. Near the beginning, Joey Ramone's brother declares that the ONLY thing with which to compare Joey's onstage transformation is "Jerry Lewis in THE NUTTY PROFESSOR." Jerry is everywhere! He permeates! I thought you needed to know.

Jack Carson

You know how much we love Jack Carson. You know our great debt to lileks.com. Now feast your eyes on this weird comic book we found over at lileks.com. "Click" here to see how lileks.com explains it, sort of.

Energeticness

McNeil takes exception to my characterization of his feelings about Betty Hutton: "I don't want to give the blogging world the wrong impression ... I don't think Betty Hutton is NOT energetic. I just don't have a problem with her energeticness ... I like her energeticness, which is why I watch the clip over and over and over ..." I went to bed last night seriously obsessing over the idea that I had phrased the part of the "post" to which McNeil is referring in the wrong way. McNeil confirms this! I gave the impression through my vague wording that McNeil found Hutton ... I don't know ... sloth-like, which would be crazy. "Opposite" was the offending term. Well, now the matter has been cleared up, maybe. In a way, I don't care, because this is a "blog." Energeticness is not a word, for example, and I don't care about that.

One Year Ago In "Blog" History

One year ago, I got a new belt. This has been "One Year Ago In 'Blog' History." Oh ... I also "blogged" about Bob Hope and THE WIRE one year ago today - which is what I just did a little while ago! Apparently I have not grown as a person, or something.

A Hardboiled Jerry Fan

I have found another Jerry Lewis fan! She is none other than that author of true blue hardboiled pulp fiction, Megan Abbott. She and her husband Josh were passing through town and we had dinner tonight at the good old Ajax Diner. Coincidentally, Ms. Abbott spoke of the need to "surrender to Jerry" in terms quite similar to - yet entirely independent of - the recent self-brainwashing technique for learning to love Jerry Lewis that I outlined here recently. Megan, Josh, Theresa, and I had seen many of the same movies and we had a very nice time talking about them - THE FACTS OF LIFE, THE APARTMENT, ARTISTS AND MODELS, LAURA, FOOTLIGHT PARADE, NASHVILLE, ALL THAT HEAVEN ALLOWS, PILLOW TALK, and KISS ME, STUPID leap to mind, but there were perhaps dozens more that came up in conversation. Each couple recommended a movie that the other had not seen. Thanks to them, we will soon watch Carole Lombard in TRUE CONFESSION. Thanks to us, they will soon see Robert Mitchum, Jane Russell (pictured here with Bob Hope, who also came up quite a bit in tonight's conversation), and Vincent Price in HIS KIND OF WOMAN. We discussed the performance styles of (among many others) Mickey Rooney, Joan Crawford, Joel McCrea, Martha Raye, Bing Crosby, and Betty Hutton. Josh finds Betty Hutton a bit too ... energetic, shall we say. McNeil has the opposite feeling (Theresa and I wished that McNeil could have been around for tonight's conversation). McNeil reports having watched that Betty Hutton clip we recently "posted" (and present at the bottom of the current "post" for your convenient reference) dozens of times. He watched it again today, in fact. Now, we didn't ONLY talk about movies: we talked about TV - specifically the magnificence of MAD MEN and THE WIRE. Megan and Theresa also traded thoughts on Patricia Hearst's autobiography. After dinner, it was off to Square Books, where I goaded Josh into buying a copy of SMONK for a class he is about to teach on the "Southern Gothic" up in New York City. What a nice night!

Chondroitin and Shame

Today the "post" in which I mention chondroitin will fall off the bottom of the page. It's part of the circle of "blogging" life, or "blife" as I call it in my special language of "blogging." That means that the little subhead under the title of my "blog" (which at this moment reads "CHONDROITIN!" will no longer make sense. My favorite motto I ever had was "THE FEELING OF SHAME IS THE MOST REVOLUTIONARY FEELING." But the "post" from which it was culled vanished long ago. Hey, if I "link" to that "post" like so, I believe it will be okay to reinstate that motto. Wow! This has been a productive day!

Sally Says

A bulletin from panto director Sally Timms: "Well, the panto gods smiled on us again and it was a great success ... There will be some photos soon ... Occasionally a little kid would be so frightened that he had to be taken out but most were in the spirit of it."

The "Blog" Advent Calendar for Dec. 25

Welcome to the last day of the "blog" advent calendar. I believe that traditional advent calendars stop on the 24th. But this is not a traditional advent calendar; it is a "blog" advent calendar. So you have one more goody in store. If I understand actual advent calendars correctly, part of the fun is seeing it all laid out before you at the end. I'm not sure how to do that here. What I suppose I should do is remind you of everything you have seen so far and make some allowances for "clicking" to enjoy it all over again. 1. Superboy facing an unusual dilemma 2. A clip from Emir Kusturica's Jerry Lewis film ARIZONA DREAM: Lili Taylor plays accordion while Johnny Depp rolls around clucking like a chicken 3. This was supposed to be the cover of an old paperback called NAKED ON ROLLER SKATES but the "link" wouldn't work, so instead it's a vintage postcard of war/cow-milking humor 4. Some dudes jumping off mountains 5. Meet Elizabeth Kucinich 6. An anthropomorphic lion holding an anthropomorphic soccer ball that looks like a decapitated human head 7. An LP of organ music with drum accompaniment 8. A talented young woman who can play the Britney Spears hit "Toxic" on her ukulele (she calls it a ukulele, and she should know, but for whatever it's worth it also resembles a small balalaika - or something - to me) 9. Web site of an art gallery where they sell those weird paintings of kids with great big eyes 10. Two polite British lads cover a Laurel & Hardy hit 11. An inflatable skeleton performs Gilbert & Sullivan 12. An old ad for a CB radio receiver 13. Bob Hope introduces Betty Hutton, who sings "Murder, He Says" 14. A young woman performs Gilbert & Sullivan in the privacy of her own room, arrayed in homemade finery 15. A panel from Ernie Bushmiller's comic strip NANCY 16. A snippet of Elvis 17. Woman standing in an otherwise empty diner 18. A high school with a sports mascot called "the Maniac" 19. Mezzo-soprano Rinat Shaham 20. A "podcast" by Kim Shattuck, lead singer and guitarist of the Muffs 21. An excerpt from 18th-century poet Christopher Smart (seems to have a lot of pop-up ads for a poem from the 18th century) 22. A jingle I recall vividly from childhood 23. Information about the great Milton Brown & His Musical Brownies 24. Dean and Jerry goofing around. Before we get to your final treat, I should thank a couple of internet entities for making the "blog" advent calendar possible. I could have done the whole thing with naught but lileks.com, as you will see when you visit that admirable site. As it is, I confined myself to just two images from there. I was not so circumspect when it came to YouTube. Ah, YouTube. What can I say of YouTube, which has also been responsible for earlier "blog" series, such as McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre? "Blogging" would not be the same without you, YouTube! In fact, the two runners-up for the final advent calendar surprise were both culled from YouTube. I did not choose them, but list them here for your consideration: a portion of Samuel Beckett's film entitled FILM; the Who performing "A Quick One While He's Away." I salute you, YouTube! And now, with no further folderol, I give you your final surprise.

I Misled You, People of Earth

Remember when I said that an excerpt from my detective novel would come out in "the next Oxford American"? Well, I just got the next Oxford American. It's the "sports issue," and I have nothing in it. My story will be in the one AFTER that. I forgot about the intervening sports issue. You should get it, of course. It looks great, with articles from people who have been mentioned on the "blog" before, people like Roy Blount, Jr., George Singleton, Pia Z. Ehrhardt, John T. Edge, and Jim Ruland (about whom you may read in the very first "link" in this "post"). They asked me for something to put in the sports issue but all my brooding produced was a faint memory of Little League, specifically, the day I received my tube socks and couldn't figure out how to put them on. Believe it or not, there wasn't really a story in that! Although now it seems to be a perfect "blog" entry. Tube socks!

The New Way to Watch Jerry

Yesterday, I believe Theresa was reading John Banville or some such personage while I was in the other room watching three Dean and Jerry movies in a row. I have concluded that THIS is the way to introduce yourself to Jerry, in contrast to the earlier method outlined on this "blog." Go off by yourself and watch the first three Jerry movies you can lay your hands on, with or without Dean, in quick succession, with no breaks for food or water. Immerse yourself! Do not allow yourself to pass judgement. Although any movies would do, I think some remastered widescreen Technicolor extravaganzas such as I enjoyed yesterday will seal the deal without fail. You will become properly mesmerized by the pretty colors and lights. Use the MGMIEET method (another psychological technique previously pioneered by this very "blog") and think of the films as objects like rocks, fire hydrants, or rainbows. What you're doing is introducing your brain to a new way of thinking - all right, you're brainwashing yourself. But I think it will work. Afterward, you will be able to enjoy Jerry for Jerry - for what he is. You will no longer be upset about what he is not. You will give thanks for Jerry in this holiday season! If you are a millionaire, rent a movie theatre and project some nice prints for yourself. Immersion will be complete. Invite the whole neighborhood for free. Supply snacks. You can afford it! You're a millionaire! (This method does not require fasting and solitude like the home version.) Satisfaction guaranteed.

The "Blog" Advent Calendar for Dec. 24

As always, "click" for today's enjoyment.

The "Blog" Advent Calendar for Dec. 23

Here it is.

The "Blog" Advent Calendar for Dec. 22

To ponder the origin of the "blog" advent calendar, "click" here. Or if you are pressed for time, simply enjoy today's special surprise.

Velvet Is Back

As you know, we were having a little trouble cataloguing velvet suits. But tonight we decided that if we limit ourselves to velvet jackets, everything will be fine. We went to a birthday party for renowned food writer (and so much more) John T. Edge at the City Grocery Bar tonight ... and what should John T. be wearing but a velvet smoking jacket? (To be fair, he made it clear that he does not smoke, and prefers to think of it as a "velvet drinking jacket.") Now we should say a few words about the City Grocery Bar, owned by Mr. John Currence. The bar has been referred to a few times on the "blog," though never by name. It is the place where I heard about the guy who coached a girl's basketball team who once faced off against the daughter of Sammy Davis, Jr. It is the bar where Tom Franklin told me how to get rid of wasps. Tonight at the City Grocery Bar, in honor of John T.'s birthday, Mr. Currence had imported hot dogs from Lobel's, a famous butcher in NYC, who, as John T. put it, "made hot dogs for Jackie O." Mr. Currence also provided homemade mustard (two varieties) and home-pickled onions, just to name two of the bevy of condiments. What else can I say but that the subject of Jerry Lewis came up. John T. told me about an older cousin of his, of whom he had been very fond as a young boy. This cousin's betrothed - a college man - had asked twelve-year-old John T. to name his favorite comedian. "Jerry Lewis," said young John T. "No, no, no," said the college man, gravely hurting the young boy's feelings. Tonight, on his birthday, I had the privilege of telling John T., "You were right and the college boy was wrong!"

The "Blog" Advent Calendar for Dec. 21

What will it be?