Monday, December 24, 2007

The New Way to Watch Jerry

Yesterday, I believe Theresa was reading John Banville or some such personage while I was in the other room watching three Dean and Jerry movies in a row. I have concluded that THIS is the way to introduce yourself to Jerry, in contrast to the earlier method outlined on this "blog." Go off by yourself and watch the first three Jerry movies you can lay your hands on, with or without Dean, in quick succession, with no breaks for food or water. Immerse yourself! Do not allow yourself to pass judgement. Although any movies would do, I think some remastered widescreen Technicolor extravaganzas such as I enjoyed yesterday will seal the deal without fail. You will become properly mesmerized by the pretty colors and lights. Use the MGMIEET method (another psychological technique previously pioneered by this very "blog") and think of the films as objects like rocks, fire hydrants, or rainbows. What you're doing is introducing your brain to a new way of thinking - all right, you're brainwashing yourself. But I think it will work. Afterward, you will be able to enjoy Jerry for Jerry - for what he is. You will no longer be upset about what he is not. You will give thanks for Jerry in this holiday season! If you are a millionaire, rent a movie theatre and project some nice prints for yourself. Immersion will be complete. Invite the whole neighborhood for free. Supply snacks. You can afford it! You're a millionaire! (This method does not require fasting and solitude like the home version.) Satisfaction guaranteed.