Thursday, October 14, 2010

All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up

Welcome once again to "All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up," the one place on the "internet" for all the latest information on the celebrity stars of the world of entertainment. ITEM! You remember the young woman who eats dry oatmeal, don't you? Well, today I found out she prefers to be called "the girl who eats dry oatmeal," which I used to call her, but I stopped because I thought it sounded patronizing and sexist. When she was explaining her preference, she accidentally called herself a new variation: Oatmeal Girl. And she has decided she likes that name best of all. ITEM! Today Oatmeal Girl and I walked to campus to hear Bill Clinton give a speech in the great outdoors. Bill Clinton was literally a million hours late! The crowd became a little cranky. The sun burned off THE SAME HALF OF MY FACE again! But finally Bill Clinton arrived and had everyone spellbound with his spellbinding ways. And no kidding, right after he began to speak, the sun magically disappeared behind the roof of the structure from which he was speaking. Bill Clinton made the mean sun go away with the power of his oratory! Earlier, a friend of Oatmeal Girl had correctly predicted that just such a thing might happen! Thank you, Bill Clinton! ITEM! Bill Clinton ended his speech with a Faulkner quotation. He put on some white-framed half-glasses to read it. Oatmeal Girl said the glasses were "cute." Inspired by Clinton's Faulkner reference, Oatmeal Girl and I made our way to Faulkner's house, which neither of us had visited in quite some time. ITEM! Who was walking out of Faulkner's woods but TOM WAITS? That's right, I buried the lead. TOM WAITS! Tom Waits, walking for some reason I have not ascertained with "Blog" Buddy Ace Atkins! Also with Tom Waits was his wife Kathleen Brennan, who has co-written so many of his songs, and of course the man who takes care of Faulkner's house was leading them all on a merry chase or something. ITEM! Oatmeal Girl and I witnessed Bill Clinton give a speech and shook hands with Tom Waits. In one day! How did that happen? I guess it's all thanks to Mr. William Faulkner.