Saturday, October 09, 2010

Roller Skating Vampires Fail to Impress Some

It's almost Halloween, sort of. And you know what that means: Dr. Theresa and I enjoy our yearly Halloween film festival! And you don't care. But I tell you all about it anyway because how are you going to stop me? I graded papers all day and then we had a double feature: FROZEN (2010) and BLUEBEARD (2009). According to imdb, a different movie called FROZEN has come out in nearly every year of the 21st century, and more than a couple this very year! The one we watched was about all the gruesome things that can happen to you on a ski lift. Can you imagine all the gruesome things that might happen to you on a ski lift? Well, yes, you probably can. But that doesn't make them pleasant! BLUEBEARD was French, so there was fanciness galore. This is absolutely true: just after it started I said to Dr. Theresa, "This looks like one of those French movies where they chop off the head of a live goose to make some artistic point. I can't stand that." BLUEBEARD (pictured) was a good movie, but guess what? They chopped off a real duck's head, poor duck, almost exactly as I had predicted, and boy was it symbolic. Seemed like it just went on and on being symbolic, the poor duck did, until I started wondering if the whole rest of the movie was going to be about the duck. I know I'm a jerk. I will eat a duck but I don't want to watch his head get chopped off in a movie. I'm everything that's wrong with this country! I have an idea: sue me. I was grading papers last night, too, thank goodness, because Dr. Theresa was in the other room watching FRIGHT NIGHT PART 2. She was by herself, so that doesn't count as part of our Halloween festival! This needs to be made clear, though no sane person has read this far. She was pretty excited to see that it was coming on one of the movie channels, because the first FRIGHT NIGHT is one of her sentimental favorites. "I didn't know they made a sequel!" she said. She wasn't as excited once it was over. Here are some of the things she said: "They put a stain on the memory of the original." And, "The vampires went bowling." And, "There was a vampire on roller skates. Normally I would love that." Makers of FRIGHT NIGHT PART 2, if you made a movie with a vampire on roller skates and Dr. Theresa didn't like it, that is a sad job you did, a very sad job.