Oscar Recap

Wow! I don't know. I hate to tell you how completely I crushed my sister in our annual Oscar-guessing contest. I'm not going to tell you! It's too horrible. If you missed the Oscars, don't worry, because just three things happened and I will tell you what they were. 1) There was this bushy-haired kid who came out and got an award. I was like, "This kid's gonna be a star, I tell ya!" I say that a lot. But keep your eye on that kid. Lots of natural charm and personality. I think he was the most comfortable person onstage last night! Dare I invoke the zany poise of Jerry Lewis? Yes, I just typed the phrase "zany poise" which made me a little sick inside, but don't blame that kid for my bumbling phraseology! I haven't seen his short film, but look, he has an accordion. His name is Luke Matheny, apparently. You heard it here first! 2) At one point were a couple of people singing a song about something and then it cut to an old man with a cryptic half-smile on his face standing awkwardly near the back of the stage for no reason and then suddenly there was a commercial, or did I imagine that? 3) Mr. Saturday Night himself, Billy Crystal, did a "bit" with the ghost of Bob Hope. I am not kidding! The ghost of Bob Hope came out and said, "Thanks, Billy." I don't know. It was creepy. All I could think of was the Bob Hope mind-control rumors that are all over the "internet." Go back and listen to how many times Billy Crystal said "Bob Hope." It was like something out of THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE. And that is everything that happened on the Oscars.