Sad Clowns Are the New Hip Thing

Looks like I really lucked into something, getting in on the ground floor of the sad clown bonanza. Sad clowns are everywhere, man! If I were to give you investment advice, I'd say, "Put all your money in sad clowns!" As you know, I was way ahead on this trend. I'm almost getting tired of scooping our nation's paper of record so much. I feel bad for them! They're playing catch-up in today's New York Times, where the noted actor Geoffrey Rush says, "The thrilling thing was that we found the more intense the clowning, the more intense the comedy, the more intense the experience of pain and alienation." Yeah, that's what sad clowns always say. Mostly I want the sad clowns to shut up and do their little dance while I throw coins at their feet. Sad clowns!