Agent "M.'s" TV Korner: Special Guest Columnist, Jack Pendarvis

Hello, and welcome to the latest episode of Agent "M.'s" TV Korner. I'm Jack Pendarvis, and today I'll be sitting in for Agent "M.," who is on assignment. Tonight's episode of LOST was impeded somewhat, in the Pendarvis Building, by the charming escapades of our always impish and mercurial upstairs neighbors. It seems that they have given their dogs a bag to play with, a bag most probably containing, based on aural evidence, a large number of human heads. I am sure there is a logical explanation! No doubt the heads were obtained quite legally, as part of a scientific experiment for the betterment of humankind! So of course we cannot in good conscience be upset about what appears (or sounds) to be such an altruistic gesture. In fact, the torturously methodical way in which the heads were pushed around the room, over and over, by the noses of the tireless dogs in question, is a sure sign of some sort of highly specialized and regulated test. Good for our upstairs chums! I salute their enterprise! But it was a little hard to keep up with LOST with all the excitement and industry taking place right over our heads. At one point, I went so far as to bang on the ceiling with a broom handle as a hearty and enthusiastic show of support for the "scientific method," well known as a boon to all! This got the frolicsome pups worked up all the more! Here's an interesting detail: The dogs began cavorting with their sack of skulls (or what-have-you) just before LOST began airing at 10 o'clock EST. At 10:54 p.m., they briefly curtailed their rambunctious task, which had been going on NON-STOP, to engage in a spirited fight, complete with frightening yelps and growls! At around 10:56, things grew ominously silent, allowing us to view the last two or three minutes of LOST in "peace," yet overcome with suspense and worry about our erstwhile jolly canine pals! A mixed blessing to be sure, this strange "peace" we "enjoyed"!