I have been imagining everyone I know, including myself, wearing a Goober or Jughead hat, and WE ALL LOOK GREAT! Now you try it. Your results will be the same.
I was goofing around on "I'm Learning to Share!" "web" site, which is all I plan to do for the rest of my life, when I came across a great picture of a monkey. I will show it to you in a minute. But I have to say, I really mean it: it is time to stop adding illustrations to my computer or it will certainly blow up, if my understanding of computers is correct. Enjoy the monkey. It will be your last. And it comes equipped with a fitting motto for the "blog," a little something to think about with the holiday upon us. So in the coming year, I promise there will be no more new illustrations, only old ones chosen strictly at random from the already existent files. Now get off my back! And happy new year.
I got my Jughead hat information from a "web" site called "I'm Learning to Share!" (Exclamation point theirs for a change.) Folks, this "web" site makes me sick - with envy, that is! Everything I have "blogged" about, this person has "blogged" about, and better. Yes, "I'm Learning to Share" even goes down cultural paths I never dared imagine. Take the "post" called "Not enough people are talking about Judy Canova." Judy Canova! Judy Canova? It has everything you might want to know about Judy Canova, including a "link" to a record of hers called "Bananas Ain't Got No Bonies" (!) and a photograph of her with Captain Marvel (pictured). I hate to admit I had no idea who Judy Canova was. Her name was vaguely familiar. And she has a kind of Martha Raye thing going on. But don't take it from me. I use the Judy Canova "post" merely as a jumping off point. Dig down for yourself and see what you find. Everything, probably.
I am sure that like me you tossed and turned all night, thinking about the man who gave George "Goober" Lindsey a comic book - yes, a comic book that called the very meaning of Goober's life into question! If you will recall, it contained a character named Goober, who wore a hat like Goober's, yet this comic book predated Mr. Lindsey's characterization, and Mr. Lindsey knew nothing of it. I imagine that Goober's world fell out from under him as he gazed on the doppelgänger that made a mockery of everything tangible in this dismal existence. (The man writes in his "mailing list thread," with a touch of conspiratorial paranoia, "this could hardly be a coincidence," but I disagree! I fear it was a cruel cosmic joke.) Goober probably had a lot of troubling thoughts when he saw that comic book, thoughts like, "My life has been a lie!" Like, "Strip me of my nickname and trademark hat, and what am I?" Like, "At the end of the day, who am I, really? For the love of God, WHO AM I?" That's what Goober probably thought. Then I imagine he couldn't stop sobbing. "Double Trouble" indeed!
I don't understand what this "web" site is exactly, but on it I find a note about that comic book about a kid named Goober who wears a hat like Goober's but apparently has nothing to do with the Goober we all know and love. Says some guy, "Double Trouble with Goober was a short-lived comic book from the early 1950s. It was about a little boy who got into mischief, and it was obviously inspired by Dennis the Menace... A number of years ago I gave one of these comic books to George Lindsey, and he said he'd never heard of it."
Look for those hats that Goober and Jughead wear to come back into style. (Below: Is this the same Goober? He's wearing the same hat! I'm confused. Happily so!)
I like that TV program THE GOOD WIFE and I don't care who knows it. Usually a guest star or supporting character has a problem, which the good wife fixes. But sometimes people forget that the good wife has problems of her own!
Anonymous "Blog" Buddy Informant J2 has come through with a response to our recent request for stories about the very few states of the United States not yet mentioned on the "blog." Warning! It is a grim story (hence the plaintive "Why?" in the title of this "post")! While such a tale is not entirely alien to the "blog," it is rare, given our routinely - some might say "desperately" - cheery frame of mind. Okay! You have been warned. And now, a "tale of Wyoming," as she calls it, courtesy of Informant J2: "I was participating in a family vacation to Yellowstone. My dad ran over an osprey. Actually, the osprey flew into the windshield of our moving vehicle. The bird's wingspan spread across the length of the windshield, its body pausing there a moment before tumbling over the top of the car and out of sight. It was nighttime and very dark; neither party saw it coming. After we stopped screaming, my mother said it was lucky the osprey didn't crack the windshield. The next day we went to some type of nature house where they had on display an estimated tally of all the wildlife killed by park visitors so far that year. I think the ospreys were around 20, so it's not like we were the only ones to ever do this. Also, ospreys have been evaluated as 'Least Concern' by the IUCN Red List, so its not even an endangered animal. Not that that makes it any better, but you learn to repeat these things to yourself post-osprey execution." Six states to go! Informant J2 has done her part. The rest of you get cracking.
There was so much I wanted to say about our various "blog" advent calendar pages for this year, but I could say nothing, because to comment on the "blog" advent calendar is to ruin the surprise of it, and the surprise is the whole point. But now that it's all out in the open, I will try to think back on some of the fascinating elaborations I wished to make, identifying each calendar page by its assigned number like so: 6. I love that woman's name, Violet Tweedale. If you were making up a fictional character who had written a book called GHOSTS I HAVE SEEN, her name would be Violet Tweedale. 8. I went through several versions of "Mr. Sandman" before settling on this one. I will "post" the runner-up below. One thing I've noticed about youtube: if you are an amateur singer having fun, watch out! Other amateur singers, or self-appointed experts on amateur singing, love to make derogatory ("constructive") comments about you on the youtube. The innocent young ladies below were chided, "You sing this WAY TOO FAST! You take the charm out of the song." But they got off really easy compared to Sunday school children's choirs singing Christmas carols. One reason I didn't include any children's choirs this year is that you would not believe the amount of trash talk that goes on about out-of-tune children's choirs on youtube. There is hardly anything I enjoy more than a good, sincere out-of-tune Christmas carol, heartily sung, but no one on the youtube agrees with me, and their bitter commentary prevented me from "linking" to many a heartfelt outburst of slightly damaged melody, lest you think I shared the corroded outlook of youtube's jaded sentinels of pitch. 9. My favorite part of the Hawaiian Punch FAQ is "Punchy has been revamped with contemporary fashion and music to appeal to modern consumers. He still has the punch! ... The long-time spokesman for Hawaiian Punch was given a more contemporary look that appeals to teens." 11. Oh brother! What can I say? This one came from a real treasure trove. This guy's "photostream" of old wrappers is the best thing on the "internet." It was hard to choose just one for the advent calendar. Here was a runner-up: The Idaho Spud candy bar. Another close contender was the seasonally appropriate and somehow creepy Santa Pop wrapper pictured above. I also found Phil's beef jerky thanks to this same amazing archive of food packaging. Why not spend hours enjoying it? I did! 12. I've always wanted to draw your attention to the great LITTLE LULU comic books of John Stanley. But somehow I restrained myself because they appear - spoiler alert! - in the climactic scene of my "forthcoming" (?) detective novel SHUT UP, UGLY (don't most detective novels end with Little Lulu references? I think that's standard), and I didn't want to dilute the thrills you would get finding that out for yourself when you read the book. But I turned that manuscript in over a year and a half ago (I have already had to change a Heath Ledger reference to a Joaquin Phoenix reference to a Zac Efron reference), and the book was supposed to come out last August, and was even reviewed a couple of times, but my publisher has been having problems that no one will explain to me, so who knows if and when the book will ever appear? Not me! So I finally gave up and mentioned LITTLE LULU precipitously, because otherwise you might never hear of John Stanley and learn to appreciate him in the proper way. You're welcome!
