Saturday, March 19, 2011

Retirement of the Magic Jacket

Getting ready to participate in the Dean Faulkner Wells reading this evening. During my section, I am required to say "porte cochère" AND "Messerschmitts" which is going to require all my concentration, so I must beg the audience for complete silence. This occasion calls for my magic jacket - yes, the jacket that everybody loves! It's not me, folks, it's the jacket. Even the dry cleaner expressed his admiration for it! And yesterday - when I was NOT wearing the magic jacket - some dude came up to me and told me about a time he had seen me from afar, walking around in the magic jacket! But I believe this will be the last time I wear the magic jacket. You can only wear a magic jacket so many times. Soon it goes from "Wow! What a jacket!" to "Oh, brother. Here he comes again." It's too NOTICEABLE! That's the problem with magic jackets. I briefly considered - as this will be the last appearance of the magic jacket - wearing my unicorn pin ON the magic jacket as a special treat for the world BUT I CAN'T! I can't be responsible for the consequences! Combining the powers of the unicorn pin and the magic jacket would be akin to a cataclysmic accident with the Large Hadron Particle Collider! So, no, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I can't, I just can't.