That Darn Monolith

Can't get McNeil to shut up about that monolith he loves. And something about a Russian spaceship "going dead" when it tried to photograph the monolith or something. He wanted to make sure you saw these pictures of the monolith. Anyway, he's going crazy.

The Nice Banquet

I made it about 1:43 into the 9-minute clip McNeil sent me... a "former Canadian defense minister," says youtube. Yes, I made it all the way past his joke about molasses and his bit about the nice banquet at which he is speaking (he "exceeded the feed limit" he joshes) and to the part where he says, "Decades ago, visitors from other planets warned us about where we were headed and offered to help." Okay! I don't want to pick on this man. I feel nervous, like when I watched a video of one of the women who said Bob Hope was controlling her thoughts with his evil brain powers. No, I don't think I can "link" to it. It would seem so sportive. Is that the word I want?

This Comic Book Is In My Attic

Hey, when I was looking for an illustration for that last "post," this popped up. I have this in my attic. Good times. Why do you care so much? Thank you for caring.

Little Potato-Shaped Object

Why does McNeil send me these things? I don't know. Here's a clip in which Buzz Aldrin talks about (at around 1:15) "a monolith... a very unusual structure on this little potato-shaped object." Buzz Aldrin doesn't seem to think that Martians built it but there's a lot of weird background music that would seem to suggest otherwise. McNeil also sent one of his famous 9-minute clips, this one about UFOs, but I haven't been able to force myself to watch it yet. It features a former Canadian official or something and he loosens up the crowd by opening with a joke (?) about molasses, and that's as far as I got. I'll let you know.

Jerry Knows Best

I told you! Now that Manohla Dargis is back where she belongs, the New York Times will be talking about Jerry Lewis again. In an article today, Ms. Dargis points out that Jerry Lewis championed BONNIE AND CLYDE (in an angry letter to TIME magazine, which had panned it) even before Pauline Kael proclaimed its greatness and everybody jumped on the bandwagon. Jerry! He knows what's what. Also: Arthur Penn directed Jerry on live TV! So says Manohla Dargis, my leader. In keeping with our theme, here is Jerry as a gangster in THE FAMILY JEWELS.

My Advice

We get a lot of Tennessee political ads here. There's this candidate who comes out and says, "I guess you've been seeing a lot of my opponent's ads." But the thing is, he says it in front of a GIANT SCREEN featuring his opponent's face. Meanwhile, post-production trickery makes it look as if the candidate - THE GUY WHOSE AD IT IS - is as tiny as an ant in the shadow of this GIANT SCREEN FEATURING HIS OPPONENT. Are you that candidate? My advice is STOP MAKING COMMERCIALS IN WHICH YOU ARE REALLY TINY AND A GIANT IMAGE OF YOUR OPPONENT LOOMS OVER YOU.

Roller Skating Vampires Fail to Impress Some

It's almost Halloween, sort of. And you know what that means: Dr. Theresa and I enjoy our yearly Halloween film festival! And you don't care. But I tell you all about it anyway because how are you going to stop me? I graded papers all day and then we had a double feature: FROZEN (2010) and BLUEBEARD (2009). According to imdb, a different movie called FROZEN has come out in nearly every year of the 21st century, and more than a couple this very year! The one we watched was about all the gruesome things that can happen to you on a ski lift. Can you imagine all the gruesome things that might happen to you on a ski lift? Well, yes, you probably can. But that doesn't make them pleasant! BLUEBEARD was French, so there was fanciness galore. This is absolutely true: just after it started I said to Dr. Theresa, "This looks like one of those French movies where they chop off the head of a live goose to make some artistic point. I can't stand that." BLUEBEARD (pictured) was a good movie, but guess what? They chopped off a real duck's head, poor duck, almost exactly as I had predicted, and boy was it symbolic. Seemed like it just went on and on being symbolic, the poor duck did, until I started wondering if the whole rest of the movie was going to be about the duck. I know I'm a jerk. I will eat a duck but I don't want to watch his head get chopped off in a movie. I'm everything that's wrong with this country! I have an idea: sue me. I was grading papers last night, too, thank goodness, because Dr. Theresa was in the other room watching FRIGHT NIGHT PART 2. She was by herself, so that doesn't count as part of our Halloween festival! This needs to be made clear, though no sane person has read this far. She was pretty excited to see that it was coming on one of the movie channels, because the first FRIGHT NIGHT is one of her sentimental favorites. "I didn't know they made a sequel!" she said. She wasn't as excited once it was over. Here are some of the things she said: "They put a stain on the memory of the original." And, "The vampires went bowling." And, "There was a vampire on roller skates. Normally I would love that." Makers of FRIGHT NIGHT PART 2, if you made a movie with a vampire on roller skates and Dr. Theresa didn't like it, that is a sad job you did, a very sad job.

It Ain't Right What They Done

This is the cat who lives at Off Square Books. Can you believe that facebook removed her profile? Good Lord! I knew you were mean, facebook! I saw your movie! (Photo by Dent May.)

People Are Nice

At the post-Lippfrankmanlinfest dinner over at City Grocery, John Currence was bringing out seafood that he was pleased to announce came from the Gulf, "in spite of BP," he said. Guess what else? Joe York just brought us a big container of shrimp from my hometown of Bayou La Batre. Gulf Coast shrimp, people! Show some love to your Gulf Coast shrimp and the people who go shrimping for them.

Best Lippfrankmanlinfest Ever

Did I tell you that Lippfrankmanlinfest was going to be big? Did I lie? I did not! Look at these people on the actual day, ready to "get their Lippfrankmanlinfest on" as the vernacular would have it. You can read more about it and see more pictures on the Square Books "web" site. I can hardly wait for the next Lippfrankmanlinfest!

Let's Hear It For Gout

Is gout making a comeback? I just saw a commercial for gout medicine - also a candy commercial in which these pieces of candy were working at a candy factory, which upset me.

Bad News

I hate to say it, but Larry King's heart isn't in it anymore.

News

Last night the man who takes care of Faulkner's house told me that Faulkner's brother Jack was one of the men who gunned down John Dillinger! Can this be true? The man who takes care of Faulkner's house says so! But he's crazy.

The Preparations Have Begun

Today is the day! No time to "blog." Must make my elaborate Lippfrankmanlinfest preparations. Hope to see you there, 5 o'clock sharp. Lippfrankmanlinfest is celebrated differently by peoples of various nations. Here for example we see a happy group of "Lippfrankmanlinfesters" in their seasonal attire. Which one will be lucky enough to catch a signed novel in her tambourine?

Smells Like Lippfrankmanlinfest

What's that crisp scent on the breeze? Smells like Lippfrankmanlinfest! Wonder if I'll be able to sleep tonight.

McNeil Month By Month

You know what today is, don't you? That's right! It's McNeil's birthday, an occasion marked each year by the latest installment of "McNeil Month By Month," our exclusive feature showcasing highlights from McNeil's young life as lived on the "blog." Spend this special day celebrating McNeil - with the help of "McNeil Month By Month"! September 2006: McNeil contends that he does not enjoy the "Little Dot" comic book. October 2006: McNeil furnishes a memorable quotation. November 2006: McNeil recalls playing Aerosmith on a jukebox. December 2006: First appearance of "McNeil's Movie Korner." January 2007: McNeil's system for winning at craps. February 2007: McNeil doesn't see what's so hard about reading a newspaper and eating a sandwich at the same time. March 2007: McNeil and I are talking about Bob Denver when HE SUDDENLY APPEARS ON TELEVISION! April 2007: Wild turkeys roam McNeil's neighborhood. May 2007: McNeil gets in touch with an Australian reporter regarding a historical chimp. June 2007: First McNeil's Movie Korner Film Festival announced. July 2007: Medicine changes McNeil's taste buds. August 2007: McNeil's trees not producing apples. September 2007: McNeil pinpoints a problem with the "blog." October 2007: McNeil presents a video entitled "Jerry's pre-defecation chills." November 2007: McNeil's Theory of Potential Energy. December 2007: What is McNeil's favorite movie? January 2008: McNeil explains why the wind blows. February 2008: McNeil admires the paintings of Gerhard Richter. March 2008: McNeil comes up with an idea for a Lifetime TV movie. April 2008: McNeil's shirt. May 2008: McNeil's apple tree doing better (see August 2007). June 2008: McNeil is troubled by a man who wants to make clouds in the shape of logos. July 2008: McNeil's apples are doing great. August 2008: McNeil refuses to acknowledge that Goofy wears a hat no matter what I say. September 2008: McNeil's grocery store is permanently out of his favorite margarine. October 2008: McNeil on the space elevator. November 2008: McNeil comes across an incomplete episode guide to HELLO, LARRY. December 2008: McNeil thinks the human hand should have more fingers. January 2009: McNeil discovers that gin and raisins cure arthritis. February 2009: McNeil sees a ****** ******* awesome rainbow. March 2009: McNeil wants a job on a cruise ship. April 2009: McNeil attempts to rescue a wayward balloon. May 2009: McNeil visits the Frogtown Fair. June 2009: McNeil dreams he is watching an endless production number from LI'L ABNER. July 2009: McNeil sends text messages from his cell phone while watching a Frank Sinatra movie. August 2009: McNeil disagrees philosophically with a comic book cover that shows a mad scientist putting a gorilla's brain in a superhero's body. September 2009: McNeil resembles famed boxing trainer Freddie Roach. October 2009: McNeil's birthday celebrated with an expanded edition of "McNeil Month By Month." November 2009: McNeil reports that a bird broke the large hadron collider by dropping a bread crumb on it. December 2009: McNeil advises me to like the universe or lump it. January 2010: McNeil eats soup. February 2010: McNeil tells of the hidden civilizations living deep beneath the surface of the earth. March 2010: McNeil recalls a carpet of his youth. April 2010: McNeil starts wearing a necktie. May 2010: McNeil's DNA sample fails to yield results. June 2010: McNeil thinks up some improvements for the movie 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. July 2010: McNeil reads to me from I, THE JURY. August 2010: McNeil finds a hair in his crab cake. September 2010: McNeil has a cold. October 2010: McNeil's favorite MAD MEN character is Stan. Pictured, a promotional still for HELLO, LARRY (see November 2008).

Can't Hardly Stan It

Today James Wolcott refers to Stan as a "grinning jackass," proving my point that not everyone feels the way McNeil does about Stan.

Stan

McNeil's favorite character on MAD MEN is Stan. I am 100% certain that McNeil is the only person in the universe who feels this way, including the guy who plays Stan. That's Stan on the right. McNeil likes Stan's shirts. McNeil would like some shirts like Stan's. In Stan's defense, tonight I noticed that the character Stan is great at parting his hair, that's one thing you can say about Stan.

The Little Prince

John Currence is like a divorced dad to me. Yesterday he took me to a football game and bought me a hot dog and a Coke. But I didn't get a balloon! I am not familiar with these "football games" as you call them, so I didn't do it right and the sun literally burned off one half of my face. Yes, I know what literally means, shut up. Later in the day, Dr. Theresa and I went out on the town with Tom Franklin and Beth Ann Fennelly. We saw a long, important movie about sour young men sending mean e-mails to one another. Not since Sandra Bullock in THE NET has there been such a timely movie about e-mail! In fact, the only difference is that THE NET had a role for a woman in it. But the saddest part was the little prince who never learned to love. Anyway, I know you are very upset that I didn't "blog" yesterday but that's why.

Movie Boyfriend II: The Garnering

Speaking of people's moms and their movie boyfriends, McNeil is not sure who his mother's first movie star crush was, but he has a good idea: James Garner. "She still has his picture on the refrigerator," he notes. "It's why my dad is so emasculated."