Brick Sullivan Fan Club

McNeil has been prowling the less traveled corners of the imdb again, and now he wants to start a Brick Sullivan fan club. Who's in? Here is a relatively small sample of Brick Sullivan's acting work as catalogued by imdb: "Police Car Driver (uncredited), Cop (uncredited), Bartender, Policeman (1 episode), Policeman (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Cop (uncredited), Police Officer Grant (uncredited), Arresting Policeman at Derrick Cafe (uncredited), Bartender (uncredited), Uniformed Officer, Policeman, Police Stenographer (uncredited), Croupier (uncredited), Policeman in Conga Line (uncredited), Harry the Cop (uncredited), Bartender (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Cop (uncredited), Cop (uncredited), Deputy Sheriff Kelly (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Croupier [again! -ed.] (uncredited), Bartender (uncredited), Joe the Bartender (uncredited), Saloon Waiter (uncredited), Planetarium Guard (uncredited), Policeman in "Singin' in the Rain" Number (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Cop Outside Fight Arena (uncredited), Cop in Church (uncredited), Cop (uncredited), Police Chauffeur (uncredited), Railroad Detective (uncredited), Man on Street in Pre-Title Credits Sequence (uncredited), Detective (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Customs Officer (uncredited), Policeman on Street (uncredited), Man Being Deputized (uncredited), Cop (uncredited), Policeman at Station House (uncredited), Man with Pail of Beer (uncredited), Police Detective (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Cop at Gas Station (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Detective (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Detective (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Detective Lieutenant (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Policeman on Street (uncredited), Policeman #11 (uncredited), Policeman Departing HQ (uncredited), Cop (uncredited), Umpire (uncredited), Iceman (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Murdered Policeman (uncredited), Police Detective (uncredited), Umpire (uncredited), Cop (uncredited), Officer Calladay (uncredited), Cop (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Detective (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Cop (uncredited), Policeman Leaving Stationhouse (uncredited), Detective Lt. Franklin, Officer (uncredited), Deputy Marshal (uncredited), Policeman at Cemetery (uncredited), Coast Guard Policeman (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Ranger (uncredited), New York Cop (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Cop in Nightclub (uncredited), Cop eating Ice Cream (uncredited), Policeman (uncredited), Police Driver (uncredited), Flintwood Policeman (uncredited), Policeman Jasper (uncredited), Cop at Stage Door (uncredited), Darryl - Police Officer (uncredited), Policeman at Boat Dock (uncredited), Policeman at Cleveland Air Field (uncredited), Policeman in Bank (uncredited), Milton the Policeman (uncredited), Smiling Cop in Central Park (uncredited)." I got tired at some point and left out a bunch of Brick Sullivan's uncredited policeman roles, possibly I left out dozens. He also played "Townsman" (five times!), "Laughing Sailor," and how could we forget "Helpful Man"? Gosh, I've given him a lot of grief, but as I look closely at the list, if imdb is right about this being him, the frame below shows Brick Sullivan in his most famous uncredited policeman role, with Gene Kelly in SINGIN' IN THE RAIN. He has an important part, really, bringing the central sequence - one of the greatest in film history - to a beautiful close. So stop making fun of Brick Sullivan! Appropriately for a performer of such dogged anonymity, the "internet" gives us the back of his head.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Lippfrankmanlinfest

Every year there is a noticeable gap in excitement between October 5, which is McNeil's birthday, and October 7, the date upon which Dr. Theresa and myself sanctified our blessed union. Poor October 6! Nobody celebrates anything then... until now! That's right, the rumors are true: Lippfrankmanlinfest is upon us! Tom Franklin and Laura Lippman both have new novels, and they will be reading together at Off Square Books on that heretofore misbegotten eve, now redeemed. Laura Lippman suggests that a better name for the event would be Franklippmania, to which I would only add an exclamation point (FRANKLIPPMANIA!) and yes, that sounds very exciting, but Lippfrankmanlinfest is more fun to say like Jerry Lewis, which was the deciding factor, of course. Related: I just heard that Tom is to be interviewed on NPR's WEEKEND EDITION Sunday. Looks like Lippfrankmanlinfest is coming early this year!

Mom's Movie Boyfriend

Mom is sad that Tony Curtis died. "He was my movie boyfriend," she just said in a telephone conversation. In other words, he was her first movie star crush. I think it was TRAPEZE that did it, though we didn't discuss those particulars just now. "I can't believe he was 85," she said. "He should have always been 23." I thought that was nice. But then she said, "When I saw him interviewed in later years, he didn't seem like he had much sense." Still, she has a vague memory that he may have gone on a game show in the 50s and donated his winnings to the "Helping Hand Club" of Anniston, Alabama, her hometown, so her reflections ended on a positive note. She said she's going to look through a box of old papers and see if she can confirm that game show story. A box of old papers! That's what we did before Google, kids. Our Google was a box of old papers.

Lippfrankmanlinfest Approacheth

"Blog" Buddy Tom Franklin gets a great review for his new novel in today's Washington Post. The novel (CROOKED LETTER, CROOKED LETTER by name) also made the cover of the brand new "Indie Next." That reminds me! It is almost time for Lippfrankmanlinfest 2010! You know what that is. You don't? Just wait!

None of Your Business

Last week or maybe it was two weeks ago I accidentally saw part of that show PARENTHOOD, which stars Lauren Graham and tries to make you think it is the GILMORE GIRLS, but that is a trick because it is not! But the part of the show I saw seemed to be about Lauren Graham inventing a new kind of shoe. I'm not making that up! Well, that would be all right! Is it about Lauren Graham inventing a new kind of shoe? Because I would totally watch a show about Lauren Graham inventing a shoe. It was hard to tell whether that was a large enough part of the plot to make me happy. It came on again last night, but it was up against an all new episode of THE GOOD WIFE. Was the good wife still good? What does it mean to be good? What is goodness? Is it okay to be a bad wife? What does that mean? Where does the husband come in? These are some of the questions THE GOOD WIFE promised to answer. Which show to watch? I don't know! Which one did I watch? One? Both? Neither? Did I change my mind in the middle? Why do you care? Are you crazy? Leave me alone! Don't worry about it. It is none of your business! None of this is any of your business!

Circle of Life

Speaking of Bob Hope, that's Tom Neal in the previous publicity still, and he had a volatile and passionate relationship with Barbara Payton (pictured), who appears as a character in Megan Abbott's novel THE SONG IS YOU and furthermore happens to be the Bob Hope mistress who was once paid off in jars of jam (!) as recounted in a paperback Megan once sent me in the mail, and now Megan and I can be found discussing all our problems on Amanda Stern's "blog," many of them involving Bob Hope. It's the circle of life!

Poor Eddie Hall

McNeil decided to look up an actor named Eddie Hall on imdb after seeing him in a small part in DETOUR. "He died when he was only 51! Probably from so much strenuous acting," speculates McNeil. "I laughed out loud (LOL) when I read some of his roles," McNeil concludes. Here's a sample of what tickled McNeil's funny bone: "Sideshow Audience Member (uncredited), Party Guest (scenes deleted), Bored Football Star in Classroom (uncredited), Airplane Mechanic/Man watching Hula Dancers (uncredited), Man Buying Newspaper (uncredited), Sailor Talking About Lola (uncredited), Man asking about Irene (uncredited)." And really, it just goes on and on like that. Many of his gigs were Bob Hope movies. This publicity still for DETOUR does not feature Eddie Hall.

Subscribe, Subscribers!

Have you subscribed to a magazine yet, the way I told you to? Maud Newton agrees! She says you should subscribe to THE PARIS REVIEW, and even provides a top secret way to get a discount by mentioning her name! But does THE PARIS REVIEW have a gremlin smoking a cigarette on the cover? GIANT ROBOT does! I leave the decision in your hands.

"Blog's" Winning Streak Continues

As you will recall, association with the "blog" assures you a MacArthur Foundation Genius Grant. There can be no dispute! The "blog" is pleased to announce that it has been instrumental in acquiring one for "blog" associate David Simon. No one deserves it more. Stick with the "blog" and your genius grant is practically in the mail!

Read It Up, Kids

My GIANT ROBOT magazine came in the mail today. That's right, I did what I said I was going to do and subscribed to GIANT ROBOT magazine. I am about to tear it open and go crazy reading it all up. Remember these two important lessons, kids: 1) always do what you say you are going to do and 2) subscribe to a magazine. Why not? It is the least you can do for magazines after everything they did for you. Now swear to it! Swear on the "blog"!

Shelton Style

"Blog" Buddy Lynn Shelton directed tonight's episode of MAD MEN, and it was a big one, with plenty of action and emotion, Shelton style! I am trying not to ruin it for you, but **** got whacked in the **** with a *****! Remember, kids: wherever there is adventure and excitement you're sure to find a "Blog" Buddy close at hand.

Four A.M. Chuck

Also there is an infomercial where Chuck Woolery tells you how to go to sleep and it comes on at four in the morning which is clever when you think about it. At one point Chuck Woolery says, "And now we are going to get into a helicopter and visit a surprising guest who can't sleep!" And his sidekick says, "Why are we getting into a helicopter?" And Chuck Woolery says, "Because this is a show and we have a budget," which seems like a rude answer to a reasonable question, though Chuck Woolery does not invest it with any detectable ill will. In fact, it occurs to me that Chuck may have asked the producer, "Hey, don't we need a line here to explain why we're getting on a helicopter?" and the producer was like, "Just get on the helicopter, Chuck," and Chuck Woolery was like, "I think my fans will want to know why I am flying on a helicopter to meet our special guest who can't sleep, I mean, why can't the guy just meet us at the studio? It feels weird to me," and the producer grudgingly inserted the lines in question almost as an insult to Chuck Woolery! He probably scribbled them onto a script with a magic marker and shoved them in Chuck Woolery's hands and said, "There! Happy now?" I hate to think this!

Foot Stink Guy

Hey, remember that actor I told you about who is in an infomercial about a thing you put in your shoe so you walk better and feel better and your feet don't stink? I was just "flipping around" on the "TV" and I saw him in FATAL ATTRACTION, I am pretty sure. He was standing by a desk wearing glasses and looking at some important papers importantly. And then the two people who are fatally attracted walk by and he gives them a subtle look, like, "Hey, I wonder what is up with them! Are they fatally attracted or what?"

Zero Availability

Hey, I have suddenly figured out how to make some good money off of my novel SHUT UP, UGLY which was supposed to be published but never was. Are you a lawyer? Do you enjoy destroying behemoths? Then listen up! Over there at the behemoth, they have a page advertising my novel, which does not exist. The page proclaims that the novel is "out of print" and has "limited availability." I beg to differ! It has never been in print, so it cannot be "out of print." It has zero availability, I might add. To suggest otherwise is a slur upon me as a gentleman! It may also discourage any publisher foolhardy enough otherwise to grab up this priceless jewel which was so timely three years ago when I filled it with its masterful Zac Efron references. Through its sloppy and malicious practices, the behemoth has made it appear as though my novel has gone out of print in mere months (for some reason they list February 2010 as the publication date), thereby damaging my "standing" in the "literary world." They even assign me a sales ranking, which as of this "post" is 9,404,295. Certainly an affront to my dignity and an unfair stain upon my reputation as a professional, as there should be no sales ranking at all! HOW CAN PEOPLE BUY SOMETHING THAT NEVER EXISTED? As you are aware, no humans are employed by the behemoth and it is staffed entirely by robots who do not understand our human emotions. Sometimes one of them will feel strange stirrings in his or her circuitry and say, "Is this what it means... to love?" But that is as close as they get. So that is a challenge! But if you are a lawyer who is not afraid of robots, get in touch! (Pictured: Zac Efron or a soulless robot. You decide!)

Human Dynamics

Finished BULLET PARK - very enjoyable - and started GRINGOS by Charles Portis, which makes me happy and sad - happy because I am reading a Charles Portis novel and sad because it is the last existing Charles Portis novel I have not read. Maybe he will write some more novels! It has been a while, but maybe he will get the itch. I just wanted to note that GRINGOS, like BULLET PARK, has UFOs in it. Look, here's part of a paragraph from early in the first chapter of GRINGOS: "Louise and Rudy were graduates of some college in Pennsylvania and had come down here to investigate flying saucer landings. Her degree was in Human Dynamics. Rudy had one, a dual degree, he said, in City Planning and Mass Communications. First he would build the city and then he would tell everybody about it in the approved way."

Cheever Packaging

I am a little bewildered at the marketing of John Cheever by Vintage Books, a division of Random House. First they give away the big third-act surprise of BULLET PARK on the back cover. Now I notice that the last page of the book is an advertisement for two other Cheever novels. That's fine! But I am not sure the blurb choice is doing Mr. Cheever any favors. For example, "Read it and be ennobled." No thanks! And here's a classic: "A luminous epiphany of life." That one makes me feel as if a friend just told me there's a huge spider on my back. Get it off! Get it off!

To Have a Happy Life

Incredible! I am sure you recall the pivotal action alluded to in a veiled way on page 169 of BULLET PARK by John Cheever. It is not referred to openly and with clarity until page 221 - of a 245-page book! Yet THIS is what the wicked marketing department at Vintage Books, a division of Random House, chooses to plaster ACROSS THE BACK COVER OF THE BOOK. I got off easy, reading all the way to page 169 before glancing with sudden morbid curiosity at the promotional copy on the back. But let me reiterate: if you wish to have a happy life, NEVER EVER READ THE BACK COVER OF ANY BOOK.

Beware the Boys In Marketing

Was your trade paperback of BULLET PARK by John Cheever published by Vintage Books, a division of Random House? Then heed this warning: DON'T READ THE BACK! The boys in marketing over at Vintage Books, a division of Random House, have taken it on themselves to try to ruin the book for you. I did not read the back. I just picked up the book from my friendly friends at Square Books and started reading. When I got to page 169 last night, there was the merest hint of an unexpected, action-packed shift in the plot, enough of a hint to make the reader say "WHAT?" and "HOLY SMOKES!" and "NO WAY!" and "I must be going CRAZY!" and "Is THIS what the book's about?" and "HOLY MOLEY!" and "GEEZ LOUISE!" That's when the reader turns over the book and says, "Huh. It IS what the book's about!" and drops dead from amazement. Isn't that a nicer surprise than finding out at the very beginning, when you usually pick up the book at the bookstore and turn it over to read the description of the plot? DON'T! I don't know what's going to happen (I put the book down for the evening shortly after my disappointing look at the back) but it's a short book, and whatever is going to happen is going to happen soon, so not too much of my reading was ruined for me. But had I read the back of the book at the beginning, I would have been reading in a whole different way, my mind focused on the big looming conflict that I knew about the whole time, and I wouldn't have been able to really enjoy the book the way it was meant to be enjoyed. I was lucky. Others are not so fortunate. They read the back. Remember, kids: The boys in marketing may not have your best interests as a reader at heart. Don't read the back. DON'T EVER READ THE BACK. This has been a public service announcement.

This Man Was Never On Bronk

You are eager to know how I slept last night. Not well! Luckily I saw an infomercial that told me how every problem is caused by inflammation but don't worry! Just drink this cactus juice they want to send you. It's hot where cacti live, the infomercial points out. So just imagine their juice! It must help inflammation! And all your problems will go away forever, because everything that is wrong with you can be boiled down to one word: inflammation. Inflammation is "the secret killer" as doctors have noted in national magazines, says the infomercial. But I was confused because another infomercial last night told me that my feet are the cause of all the trouble! What I need is this thing to put in my shoe. It is made partly with "nanosilver." That's better than regular silver! What does nanosilver do? Takes away the stink! But the main thing is that every problem you have comes from your terrible feet, which can be healed by this thing you put in your shoe. The latter infomercial was hosted from the Mall of America by an actor I have seen a million times (pictured). I wonder if he was on BRONK! I will check. He looks like the kind of guy who might have been on BRONK as a youngster. Nope, but he was in THE SAN PEDRO BEACH BUMS! That fact goes out to "D. From Atlanta," who will care. The actor kept saying things like, "That's the way it is right now, in 2008!" The last thing I saw was a former ambassador to the U.N., you know the guy, the one with the funny moustache, yeah, him, on Fox News. He was on a late-night program talking about Lindsay Lohan! And then my TV literally refused to keep working. The satellite shut itself down for "maintenance," I swear. My TV was like, "Enough is enough!" It was like, "I can't take it anymore!"

First the Owl

First the owl, now this: "An unidentified flying object had been seen in Ohio." BULLET PARK by John Cheever has hit two major areas of "blog" interest, or "blinterest," in 64 pages. If my math is correct, there should be a Jerry Lewis reference on page 98. I'll let you know! Because it is Cheever, a "Google Image Search" for aliens at a cocktail party seems appropriate. NEW YORKER here I come! Oh, I don't know, this seems close enough. Maybe even closer!