Doodle Dee Dee Doo

Look! Somebody printed money on a shirt by mistake! But don't blame Jack Gilford! And Joey Bishop got money ink squirted on him and now he's green! WHO'S MINDING THE MINT? was just the way I remembered it, and what's wrong with that? Nothing, I contend! Here are some items for consideration. 1) Jim Hutton is a remarkably sullen protagonist THROUGHOUT! Even at the end, which is - spoiler alert - a happy ending. He is just a grim, bitter character. That's something I didn't quite remember after all. 2) I remembered the theme song! It goes "doodle doo, doo dee, doo doo dee dee doo, doo..." 3) Jim Hutton has a nice apartment in this movie. The carpet is nice. He has weird pastel curtains, like the one on the cover of that Pat Boone album, and a nice couch like the one that Jerry Lewis enjoys in THE BIG MOUTH. There's lots of modern art on the walls. His closet door is electronic! It slides open automatically! 4) There's a dog named Inky in the movie, portrayed by a dog named Peanuts. The last part of the closing credits sequence shows "Inky" in a little scuba outfit, waving at the camera!

The Man Who Fell Off the "Internet"

When I was a little kid, there used to be something called "The Big Show" on TV when I got home from school. Gee, isn't this so fascinating already? Don't worry, it gets duller! "The Big Show" was an old movie, hosted by a man named Mac or Max (turns out his name was Max Goodman, more on that in a postscript below - are you pinching yourself?). He was the biggest square you have ever seen, a guy in a dark suit and glasses, standing in front of a marquee. Once he made a mildly off-color remark about a Deanna Durbin movie. No offense to Max Goodman or his descendants, but he really did! That wasn't his usual style. I remember the remark exactly, though I won't trouble you with it. There is probably some important conversation I had with one of my grandparents which has been pushed out of my brain by Max Goodman's Deanna Durbin joke. I was so young I didn't even understand it at the time, but I could tell it was wrong! Perhaps Max Goodman cringed at himself or something, or maybe he even apologized, and that's how I knew I had witnessed something untoward. Wow! I'm really off-track here. This isn't what I meant to talk about at all. Good thing this is a "blog" and nobody cares! I don't even care if you stop reading right now. In fact, I recommend it. What I meant to tell you is that WHO'S MINDING THE MINT? came on TCM last night. I haven't watched it yet. I have it on the dvr. When I was a child, there were no dvrs! Gee this is interesting! So I had to wait for WHO'S MINDING THE MINT? to come on "The Big Show," which it did over and over and over, to my great pleasure, instilling in me my first precocious desires to pull off a big heist - an ambition which has to this date gone unfulfilled. It's probably terrible. I will watch it and let you know. Yet until I came across CAPRICORN ONE, I considered WHO'S MINDING THE MINT? the pinnacle of humankind's artistic longings. "The Big Show" seemed to have a limited number of available films. One was about a giant tarantula. I think they showed practically everything by Abbott and Costello, including a dispiriting little bagatelle titled ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE KEYSTONE KOPS. Even as a child I could tell that no one's heart had been in that one. Everybody looked worn-out and sad. On Fridays it was Tarzan, or so I recall. Are you asleep yet? Because listen! By the time I got to high school, "The Big Show" had a rival on channel 10. It was called "Movies 10." There was no square host! There was no host at all! Just an animated opening, kind of groovy, in which a movie camera assembled itself out of some geometric shapes over a red background, I think, and suddenly the cameraman was pointing the camera at YOU, the viewer! Freaky! Then straight to the movie, which was usually groovier fare than ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE KEYSTONE KOPS, such as POPI starring Alan Arkin or THE HOT ROCK or CALIFORNIA SPLIT or THE PINK PANTHER. So is it possible that I am misremembering such a vital event of my childhood, and that I first saw 1967's WHO'S MINDING THE MINT? on "Movies 10," not on "The Big Show"? I refuse to believe it! Now for the promised postscript: how did I find Max Goodman's name? It wasn't easy! There is only ONE mention of "The Big Show" hosted by Max Goodman on the whole "internet" as far as I can tell. It is buried deep inside the "web" site of some guy who summarized every episode of a local AM talk-radio show in Mobile, Alabama. Unless you are some weirdo stickler for corroboration, I strongly advise that you do not "click" here. Let me sum it up for you. Here is some of the talk-radio show, as presented by the "blogger" in question: "Third half-hour begins with audio of Reagan during his re-election campaign at his political party's national convention. Caller George has childhood memories of a ferryboat service long ago, including a memory of being told to 'turn around' after his mother dresses up in a bathing suit, which bothered George throughout the years." Much later, the relevant portion: "Former WKRG personality Max Goodman spoke with John Nodar this morning about his career at the station from 1963 to 1985. Goodman held positions such as morning weather forecaster, newscaster, announcer, and host of TV5 programs such as the movie showcase 'The Big Show'(aired daily from 3:30 PM-5:00 PM) and 'Channel 5 Bingo', in which viewers with bingo cards from Greer's Food Market can play along from home. One of Max's most cherished memories is when general manger C.P. Persons asked if he would go to Washington, D.C. for an interview with Attorney General Katzenbach." And that's it for "The Big Show" on the "internet." Not even a photo of Max Goodman that I can find. So we will have to settle for Deanna Durbin. The "blogger" in question stopped "blogging" in 2009 because he got depressed about the tone of talk radio.

Great Minds Think o' Veidt

Do you remember January 7, 2011, when I "posted" a "post" called "The Veidt Stuff"? Sure you do! It is probably all you think about. Well, now James Wolcott has "posted" a "post" called "The Veidt Stuff" over at VANITY FAIR. I don't think he copied me. I think it is one of those "great minds" things you hear about.

Gary Cooper and His Chimpanzee

Re: that photo of Sylvia Sidney and Gary Cooper. I have to keep convincing myself that it is Gary Cooper, because sometimes when I look at it, it just doesn't look like Gary Cooper. Now, in the movie (CITY STREETS) itself, there are lots of times when Gary Cooper looks just like Gary Cooper. In the publicity photo, his identity is not as easy to grasp. Why? Is it because we're not used to seeing Gary Cooper in profile? Is it because his eyelashes seem so long? Is it because Gary Cooper wasn't "Gary Cooper" yet in 1931, and the photographer missed out on what makes him "Gary Cooper"? The other day when I was looking for a photo of Gary Cooper in CITY STREETS, I came across one of Gary Cooper and (supposedly) his pet chimpanzee, though I suspect it was something cooked up by the studio to make him seem interesting for a fan magazine. There was something phony about the setup. Still, maybe you are asking yourself why on earth I did not supply you with a photo of Gary Cooper and his supposed pet chimpanzee. Well, there was something depressing about it. Sometimes photos of monkeys and/or chimps depress me, as you know. The chimp had a resigned look on its face. And it was wearing a diaper. So here instead is a frame of Sylvia Sidney from the movie, and it's a good one, but you're not getting the full effect. The shot starts with an extreme close-up on her eyes, then one closes, and then, as the camera pulls back, you see she has a gun, and finally you see she's at a carnival shooting gallery where Gary Cooper works, wearing a cowboy hat and looking a lot like Gary Cooper.

How It Is

Spurred by McNeil into minimal research on DYNASTY I find I was right to compare it to Beckett! Look at this picture, for example, which reminds me of Beckett's novel HOW IT IS: "in the mud the dark the face in the mud the hands anyhow something wrong there the cord in my hand the whole body anyhow and soon it is as if there at that place and no other I had lived yes lived always" - I also found out that "Crystal" spelled her name "Krystle." To which I replied, "!"

Crystal's Lie, Part One

As promised, I have slept on it and now that my mind is rested and supple I will try to recall what McNeil said about DYNASTY. He said he watched an episode called "Crystal's Lie, Part One." Can that be right? Was there a character called Crystal? That sounds right. I will tell you what I did not tell McNeil: I have never seen an episode of DYNASTY! Here is what I think McNeil said about "Crystal's Lie, Part One": "It's impossible to tell whether it's a work of genius or the product of an idiot." He said there's a scene in which a man comes home, looks through the mail (or something, this is all an approximation and any inaccuracy should be attributed to me, not McNeil), loosens his tie, sits down, and has a conversation with his wife like: "How was your day?" "Fine." "Where's Bill?" "Playing football." "Do you want something to eat?" "I ate lunch pretty late today" and so on and so on. "Just two people sitting around in their home," McNeil called it. Then he said there was a long scene on an airplane... I think he said an airplane, but he mentioned couches... were there couches on airplanes in the DYNASTY days? Maybe it was a private airplane! I am pretty sure McNeil said some people were sitting on couches on an airplane, across from one another. One got a drink. Then the two people stared at one another and crossed their legs and just sat there a while before one of them began speaking. Like Samuel Beckett I guess! McNeil is mesmerized by the stately pacing of DYNASTY is the way I would put it.

Dynasty

I talked to McNeil on the phone today and he had lots of ideas about the TV show DYNASTY. I wish I could remember some of them! I will think about it and get back to you.

The King's Speech

Our friend Joey brought over a screener of THE KING'S SPEECH and it is about the king's speech. And during the ENTIRETY of the king's speech, which is about fighting Germany, they play rather triumphantly the 2nd movement of Beethoven's 7th symphony - I am almost 100% certain that is the piece of music I heard - and how German can you get? So that's pretty weird isn't it? I can't be the first person who has noticed this, but if you think I'm going to take the time to google it you are crazy. On the plus side, the movie made me dig out my LP on which Kelly Hogan sings "Love Alone" while my friend from Hubcap City plays guitar. That is a song all about how "love, love alone caused King Edward to leave his throne," which functions as a subplot of the film. In real life, of course, it is all more complicated, and everything is awful, but let's not worry about that right now. PS Doesn't Beethoven transcend nationality, and wasn't he all about Universal Brotherhood, and didn't the British use the opening motif of his 5th symphony as a symbol for victory, and couldn't the second movement of the 7th have some similar significance of which I am unaware, so shouldn't I just stop having brilliant insights?

The Third Charlie

Charlie Louvin then Charlie Callas. Don't be the third Charlie!

Charlie Callas Died

Charlie Callas died! And you know what I say to that: HMWORNK! Hurmf hurmf hurmf hurmf.

Making Life Better

Maybe it was because he knows how much I love the needle that is so easy to thread and the blender that Montel Williams uses and the thing you put in your shoe and the Tater Mitts and the amazing money clip... or maybe it was just plain old brotherly love. Either way, my brother sent me this picture. "Jack! Great News! You don't have to bend over EVER again! (To clean your feet)," he writes.

Very Distant

Charlie Louvin died. The Louvin Brothers were from Alabama. You know how I always like to tell you who was Alabama. Charlie Louvin introduced the recent Alabama music CD for the Oxford American. The first paragraph of Mr. Louvin's New York Times obituary calls him "an inspiration to several generations of rock musicians," which made me think of the Elvis bio by Peter Guralnick, where Charlie's brother Ira literally tries to strangle Elvis because (in part) he hates Elvis's music so much. Then Charlie is quoted: "They were very distant from that point on."

For Your Happiness

Another frame from the "glowing violin" number. And because you never get enough Kibbee, a promotional still for the film: Guy Kibbee and Joan Blondell.

My Cause

Thanks to my efforts on behalf of Guy Kibbee, we have TRIPLED the number of people who "like" Guy Kibbee on facebook. That's right, now there are three. What's more, I just introduced several impressionable grad students to Guy Kibbee through a little movie called GOLD DIGGERS OF 1933. I think their minds were blown when dozens of women holding glow-in-the-dark violins started dancing sideways up a mirrored wall. I know mine was! Again!

Something Wild

SOMETHING WILD has the best closing credits ever. Plus that band "The Feelies" appears in SOMETHING WILD. I bought a Feelies LP in the 80s and played it about twice. Like, "Huh?" Like, "Whatever." Like, "At least I got my discount because I work at the record store wearing this stupid vest." Well, I just listened to it again and it's good! Was I stupid back then? I guess I was stupid back then.

Miller's Crossing

I was just thinking about the time many years ago when I was watching MILLER'S CROSSING - on VHS! that's how long ago - with my friend Lucy. Early on, a mysterious hat blows across the forest floor. Lucy's mom came in and said, "Oh! Somebody lost his hat!" I love it when moms say things like that. Moms are the best! Here is my other MILLER'S CROSSING story. Once Kent and Mr. Ward and I were emerging from a limousine - that's the kind of thing we used to do! emerge from limousines and so on - and whom should we see standing outside our hotel but Jon Polito. I was feeling happy - in the sense that I had enjoyed several gallons of wine with my dinner - so I am afraid I grabbed him by the shoulder - I am aghast now at the thought! - and said "We love you!" Mr. Polito grabbed my shoulder VERY HARD and said "We love you, too!" Then Kent said, "Ethics." And Mr. Polito began gamely quoting his "ethics" speech from the beginning of MILLER'S CROSSING. That was fun! But here's a helpful hint, kids: don't grab celebrities by the shoulder. It's rude! PS: McNeil's students recently watched MILLER'S CROSSING and found it "boring." What? That made McNeil sad inside. Thus conclude my thoughts on MILLER'S CROSSING.

Let's Stop Doing Something

I was sad to read in today's New York Times that Mark Bittman is going to stop writing his column "The Minimalist." A lot of times he told me how to cook a whole meal in one pot, which is all I ever want to do, really. But so many times he wanted me to puree something, and I don't know why, but pureeing something gets on my nerves. So I would sort of skim the column for the word "puree" and when I found it, I guess I would shout in dismay or something, and ask myself why bad things happen in the world. But today is not a time to reflect on the negative! The good thing is that Mr. Bittman signs off with 25 "fave" recipes from his column. If I can talk Dr. Theresa into eating it, I will try making the spaghetti and fried eggs tonight. Two great tastes that go great together, I bet! In honor of Mark Bittman I hereby bring my popular "blog" feature "Today's Weather" to an end. When I was "posting" it this morning, I noticed that the last time I did one was LAST January... and the one before that was in the January BEFORE THAT! So I guess you can say I should have called it "This Year's Weather" and maybe I am not doing much in honor of Mark Bittman. But isn't that the way "The Minimalist" would want it? As for picking 25 highlights of "Today's Weather," I have confirmed that there were no highlights. Well, maybe the time McNeil saw a weird cloud and took a picture of it.

Today's Weather

It didn't snow. This has been "Today's Weather."

Stub

McNeil will be interested in this message from Barry B.: "I saw NWA at the Atlanta Civic Center. While the audience seemed to enjoy the show (from my perspective) we were apparently not as rowdy a crowd as NWA was accustomed to. Between songs NWA would shout 'Is Atlanta in the house?! Is Atlanta in the ****** ****** house?!' They would go into another song and they seemed to be working it extremely hard. They were rapping their ****** off. After several songs however they said, '**** Atlanta,' and sauntered off the stage looking all put out. Too Short opened. I still have the ticket stub." (And here it is!)

Ice & Snow

Lately McNeil has put aside his obsession with the Monkees and moved on to Ice Cube. It is always Ice Cube this and Ice Cube that. Last night's telephone conversation (which began abruptly with McNeil spitting out some Ice Cube lyrics) concerned the circumstances surrounding the break-up of NWA. I was surprised to learn during the course of that call that - given his affection for Bogart - McNeil has not seen Ice Cube's movie TRESPASS, an unofficial (?) remake of THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE. I saw it when it came out and remember liking it a lot. It was shot in Caroline's old neighborhood, Cabbagetown. Hey, they also shot part of a Steve Martin movie over there. It was based on SILAS MARNER. That's a real thing, a Steve Martin movie based on SILAS MARNER. As I recall, Kelly Hogan (who also lived in that neighborhood at the time) drove over for a visit and her car was covered with fake movie snow from the Steve Martin movie. Which reminds me: it's supposed to snow again tonight. This is a "blog," folks.