Thursday, March 31, 2011


You know all about the free books they give away at the university library coffee shop, and how sometimes one of them will be a tawdry-looking mass-market paperback promising sexy shenanigans at a university, which is weird. I found one of those today, bearing the strangely clerical title NO TRANSFER. Declares the front cover, "Required curriculum at Modern University: sex, kicks, fun and games." Yes, the sexy university is named "Modern University." That's really its name! As in, "The bus whined and slowed... 'Modern University,' the driver said, and opened the door." And here's a blurb from the AMERICAN STATESMAN on the back: "Wanta take a 'Trip' without LSD? Step right this way, baby." Okay, got all that? So here are some representative examples of the prose inside: "At six-thirty we all moved to the dining room, sat down, and began eating without formalities... steak and potatoes, a salad, and pie." Sexy! "The next day, Gary's record player came. He'd written his parents before, asking them to send it. Now, just before the end of the term, it was here, along with a number of his records." Trippy! "Their life together was - no single word in my vocabulary could be adequate... She usually fixed some sandwiches, sometimes with canned soup, and with them they drank milk." The narrator is right! There is no word in the English language adequate to describe such experiences!