Did you know the universe is only 4% atoms, and the rest is some freaky stuff you don't want to know about? I read it in the New York Times! Now I'm worried. This is not how things were explained to me as a child. They told me EVERYTHING was made of atoms! That's what they said! EVERYTHING! And that freaked me out, too, a little, but I wrapped my mind around it. And now this! Did you know that four percent is less than five percent? And FIVE PERCENT IS LIKE NOTHING! Like, if you had five percent of something, you'd say, "Where's the rest of it?" You'd be like, "This is a rip-off!" And that's five percent! But we're talking about four percent! I knew there was a reason I felt like this all the time! So, what's the rest of the universe? Well, I guess 25% is "dark matter" and 70% is "dark energy" and I don't like the sound of that one bit! I'm also very upset that one percent is left over, and who knows what THAT is? The New York Times doesn't say! They just kind of gloss over the MISSING ONE PERCENT OF THE UNIVERSE! I also get nervous when I read newspaper articles describing, and I quote, "the first faint hints of a ghostly sea of subatomic particles" discovered at the bottom of an ABANDONED IRON MINE IN MINNESOTA! It's too much like the beginning of a horror movie. I hope you don't mind, but I told McNeil about this first, because he worries about these things.
