Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Hay You

Concerned that there aren't enough good shows about hay on TV? Just get up at 3 AM unable to sleep the Jack Pendarvis way! Hay shows await you. On the channel that airs the Porter Wagoner reruns, I came across a show called MACHINERY OF THE PAST, which made me think of BROADWAY DANNY ROSE, when the lounge singer is encouraged to perform his tribute to "Great Crooners of the Past Who Are Deceased." So when I tuned in to the most recent episode of MACHINERY OF THE PAST, they were visiting a hay museum. A hay museum! It was a long, long visit to the old hay museum. This fellow had every kind of hay machine you can imagine, and if you are like me, you can't imagine any. I swear he had something called a "hay tanner," though when I looked it up on the "internet" this morning, I found little evidence of such a thing. I found people NAMED Tanner Hay and Hay Tanning, and people who didn't know any better greeting a person named Tanner like so: "Hay, Tanner!" Also I found a tanning salon in the city of Hay, Washington. But as for the actual device, whatever it is called, the docent of the hay museum explained that it "fluffs up your hay" when your hay is wet. There was a machine called the "hay conditioner" as well, and a marvelously gigantic contraption entitled "The Haybuster loose haystacker." The only other thing I remember is that the guy REALLY WANTS YOU TO UNDERSTAND that he DOES NOT TAKE GOVERNMENT MONEY for his hay museum.