TV

The shoe factory show is back! But the shoe factory itself is completely gone. No one works at the shoe factory anymore. The guy who used to work at the shoe factory is starting a recording studio with his brother. That seems iffy. Why don't they open a bookstore while they're at it? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Because people hate books. Also, on last night's episode, Lauren Graham ordered coffee. And I was like, NO WAY! She used to order coffee on GILMORE GIRLS. I was filled with rage. "Where is Luke, the scruffy diner owner?" I screamed. [In a remarkable coincidence, the "blog's" most recent mention of Luke, the scruffy diner owner took place five years ago to this very day! - ed.] Stop tormenting me with memories of GILMORE GIRLS! In an exciting subplot, a kid got a rash. And I thought, "This show concerns exactly nothing I care about. Yet here I am watching it in the dark eating a peanut butter sandwich." Later, I saw by chance a few minutes of Jay Leno, a person I do not care to watch on television. At the end, apparently, of his opening monologue, he made some unseemly, leering comments about Lauren Graham, who was to be a forthcoming guest on his televised program of conversation. His comments included, "I like brunettes. My wife is a brunette." Then he said the words "little black dress" and his mouth twisted itself into a weird, untrammeled grimace that turned out to be one of the creepiest and most unsettling things ever presented on television. I switched over to David Letterman, who fought with Jack Hanna, the "animal expert." They are the two oldest and crabbiest men on television, and as such give me great, unending cheer. Mr. Hanna brought out some possums. He claimed that a possum had been caught in the revolving door of his New York City hotel that day. He told Mr. Letterman that there are more than 200 kinds of marsupials in Australia. Mr. Letterman asked Mr. Hanna why the marsupials of Australia are so numerous and varied. Mr. Hanna replied, "It's cold down there and they sit in the pouch! I DON'T KNOW!" He was very irritated. Then he tried desperately to get a colorful bird to eat out of his hand.