Highly Anticipated Birkerts Notification

My new BELIEVER column is out today. Who cares? But hey remember when I promised to let you know if I ever used the idea that Sven Birkerts gave me for my BELIEVER column? No of course you don't, that would be a stupid thing to remember. But I keep my promises, even the stupid ones. ESPECIALLY the stupid ones. Yes, that day has finally come, America. Sven Birkerts and I saw someone hunkering and he told me I should write a column about hunkering and so I did. That was the first and last time I ever met Sven Birkerts but I do whatever he tells me and I think you'll agree someone should write a tedious two-person Off-Broadway show full of "ideas" about the encounter.