Boaring

I guess it was just a regular boar that "slew Diarmuid," not a magical "evil pig" as I led you to believe yesterday. Yeats sure made it seem like a magic pig. Or do I just think that because it was next to a story about a "faery pig" that chased some guys down the road and disappeared? A real man would go back and look it up. But I am glad to have brought up the subject of boars. I notice that a long time ago I tempted you with a fascinating story about a man killing a boar with a volume of Aristotle. But the "link" no longer works! And you have probably been very upset about that, loving boars and Aristotle as you do. So I will find a new "link" to the story. And please don't forget the phosphorescent boars of the Harz mountains. They haven't forgotten you.

The Magic Animals About Which I Was Helpless to Inform You

I didn't "blog" on Friday or Saturday because I didn't "feel like it." Yet on Sunday and most of today, my "internet" did not work! So I was not ABLE to "blog"! It just goes to show you what Mark Twain said about "blogging" was true: the man who won't do it has no advantage over the man who can't. Such a backlog! For example, McNeil recalls the "alcohol" coda to the children's taunt we have been discussing... but in the version his daughters practiced it was the gentleman in the "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" equation who was spotted drinking, not the baby, as recent variants apparently would have it. Nor was I able to rush to you with information about the "evil pig" I read about in Yeats, a magical animal which "slew Diarmuid" - whoever that is! - "where Ben Bulben mixes with the sea wind" - wherever that is!

An Additional Stanza

The NBIL has never heard the "alcohol" coda to the children's taunt previously catalogued. He does, however, recall an additional stanza about the particular activities of the baby in the baby carriage, which follows: "Sucking his thumb/ Wetting his pants/ And doing the hula-hula dance."

Media Report

It is already time for another timely "Media Report." Today we examine the media of author photos and children's taunts. First up: author photos. The good people at Skylight Books have "posted" some information about my upcoming appearance there. They obliged me by using the photo I am trying to talk my balking publisher into using, even though it makes me look like I am wearing a toupee if you look closely. Next up: the schoolyard taunts of innocent tykes. Last night I happened to be in the proximity of a child who was indulging in the classic ditty "______ and ________ sitting in a tree/ K-I-S-S-I-N-G." She went through the familiar lines about love, marriage, and baby carriage. But then she appended a coda of which I was unaware. Perhaps you have heard it, but it was entirely new to me. It went: "And that's not all/ That's not all/ I saw the baby drinking alcohol." To which I responded: "!"

The "Internet" Makes Things Happen!

Remember when Mike Sacks interviewed Daniel Clowes and they talked about THE KING OF COMEDY starring Jerry Lewis? In fact, they talked about the very scene upon which I have speculated here at the "blog." Thanks to the "internet," I was able to share my theories about that scene with Mike Sacks himself. But here is the really crazy part! I was astonished to be informed that Mike Sacks got in touch with "Martin Scorsese's people" to ask them if I was right. Here is what they said: "Hi mike. What is this for? Marty is currently in production and very difficult to reach"

All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up

Hello! Welcome once more to "All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up," bringing you all the latest in celebrity news! Today we have a photo from 2006, which is pretty good for us. Standing with arms folded in consternation is one Kelly Hogan. Her rock-n-roll van has broken down and she is being forced to board what she calls "a teeny-weeny plane headed over the Rockies." Scary! Scary yet glamorous. Thank you for paying attention to "All-Star Entertainment Wrap-Up." Until next time, keep "reaching" for the "stars"!

Boop Boop Boop

You know that commercial where people dress up like grass and flowers and water and trees and so on and wave their arms around to indicate the gentle swaying of tall grass or the motion of the water while singers coyly go "boop boop boop" in the background? I don't like those commercials. They give me the willies for some reason. Sorry to "go negative"!

31 + 409 = Awesome!

I told you I would never stop. Here is # 31 in our endless series of friendly people on the "internet" who enjoy covering Beach Boys songs. This time it's the Beach Boys hit "409." Dig the guitar solo and coda! We have never repeated a song or a performer, and I promise to strive never to lose track. See you again soon!

Matching Pearls

"Eerie coincidence," reports Dr. "M." She was making a scholarly sort of collage last week in her doctoral capacity and happened to include an image of Minnie Pearl. Her initial (and entirely independent, mind you) choice: THE EXACT SAME IMAGE OF MINNIE PEARL RECENTLY USED ON THE "BLOG"! "However," she writes in a postscript, "I decided not to use that one because I could not figure out what was going on with the coloring on her face. It looks like she has foundation on only half of her face or that she is/was suffering from some sort of skin condition. Or is it just me? Am I seeing things? In any case, I went with this black and white image instead though I hated to lose that shot of her with the chicken. Sigh. M"

30

This is the 30th in our ongoing series of everyone on the "internet" doing a different Beach Boys cover.

Would Have Been Something

Jerry Lewis had ambitious plans for his talk show, reports Shawn Levy. His intended guests included "Cardinal Spellman, Winston Churchill, Queen Elizabeth, Jimmy Hoffa, and Helen Keller." It never happened, but I like to think about it. I think about all of them sitting around a big table.

Larry Koan

Here's the latest from Larry King's Twitter account: "I wonder if dogs talk to each other about their living conditions?!" I think I know the answer to this one!

Medium Report

Time for another timely "Media Report!" But today we are discussing just one medium - youtube videos. So it is a "Medium Report." Like all good things, it stems from Phil and has Arnold Stang in it (see below). I like two things about that movie promo: 1) The announcer says that the film is in "glorious country color" but the promo is in black-and-white and doesn't give the appearance of gloriousness. 2) When the music stops near the end of the promo, everybody stops clapping in time and just stands there awkwardly in silence. The only thing I don't like is that Minnie Pearl is in the crowd shot and RECEIVES NO RECOGNITION! Someone else named Pearl does, but not Minnie (pictured). Phil also sends a "link" at which you can watch the entire two-hour premiere of Jerry Lewis's 1963 talk show in the form of youtube snippets, but you won't. I know you! I bounced from there to a youtube clip of Salvador Dali (also pictured and really, who's more surreal, Salvador or Minnie?) on a game show with future Match Game host Gene Rayburn. So that's a lot of youtube for you and sure, maybe I've grown too dependent on youtube, so sue me.

Further Reflections From the Man Who Says "Palimpsest"

Remember that part of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" when Hippolyta asks Theseus why he wants to see the bad play instead of the good one? And Theseus replies: "Where I have come, great clerks have purposed to greet me with premeditated welcomes; where I have seen them shiver and look pale, make periods in the midst of sentences, throttle their practised accent in their fears and in conclusion dumbly have broke off, not paying me a welcome. Trust me, sweet, out of this silence yet I pick'd a welcome; and in the modesty of fearful duty I read as much as from the rattling tongue of saucy and audacious eloquence. Love, therefore, and tongue-tied simplicity in least speak most, to my capacity." Remember that? Well, I ran into the Man Who Says "Palimpsest" at Snackbar last night and he brought it up. We were discussing our shared admiration for ALL THAT HEAVEN ALLOWS, and moreover for director Douglas Sirk's pronouncement about the relationship between high art and trash. Shakespeare was expressing an astonishingly modern sentiment related to Sirk's, thought the Man Who Says "Palimpsest." (Though no one could accuse Sirk of simplicity, tongue-tied or otherwise, I think.) Anyhow, you ought to talk to the Man Who Says "Palimpsest" sometime. Because that's the kind of stuff he talks about in a bar. After a few drinks! (Pictured, a particular scene under discussion last night.)

Just As Predicted, I Seem Crazy

See? The youtube videos are back to normal and I seem crazy for mentioning it. Told you!

What Are Computers?

Is it just me, or have all the embedded youtube videos turned into blank screens? Is that just my computer? I don't understand computers. What are they? Assuming everyone is seeing the same thing I am (blank screens where stills from embedded videos should be), my question is why? Is it on purpose? Did youtube plan it? Am I supposed to be learning something? Is it punishment? Is it a glitch? Is it temporary? Pretty soon will I look crazy? Is it happening to everybody? Am I the only one who has noticed? Because blank screens aren't any fun to look at. I mean, are they? Maybe they are! Maybe they're the best thing ever. And the video shows up when you press "play," but still. What's there to tempt you to press "play" now? A blank screen? Nobody is drawn to a blank screen. Or is someone? How am I supposed to know? I'm a lummox. Does anybody know what I'm talking about? Yes? No? No? Was that a no?

The Cat Sighs

Are Phil's pie recommendations really something to "blog" about? Apparently! And the only other thing that happened today was that I stubbed my toe. Oh, and the cat sighed. Sometimes the cat sighs. Is that normal? I guess so!

Phil's Pie Korner

"I had many pies to eat in Portland last week: guava, peanut-butter-and-chocolate-chip, vegan franks and beans, etc. There's a fantastic fried pie food cart called Whiffies at which I became a (short-term) regular." So reports Phil via email. The last time we heard from him, the subject was also fried pies. I believe we have just successfully inaugurated our newest regular feature, "Phil's Pie Korner." And remember, when in Portland, why not stop by Whiffies? Tell 'em "Bloggy" the "Blog" Mascot sent you.

Barry B. to Dr. "M.": Check Out Meatballs 4!

Leave it to Barry B. to offer a positive "fix" for Dr. "M.'s" recent disappointment with Chris Makepeace. He writes on the subject: "Perhaps Dr. M should jump ahead a couple of numbers to Meatballs 4 with Jack Nance [pictured] and the inimitable Corey Feldman. Feldman makes his entrance by jumping out of an airplane and skiing down to the camp, or something like that. I remember him coming down from the Heavens. And I believe he does a Michael Jackson dance routine in that movie, too."