A Message to the World

You know what's exciting? Listening to somebody read. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Just kidding. That is the most boring activity on earth. But TONIGHT ONLY it is going to be GREAT! Be sure to come out to Off Square Books at 5 PM to catch a rare appearance of Doomed Book Club members Megan Abbott and Scott Phillips. They will knock your socks off and make you faint with a thrill ride of reading out loud! DO IT you goons! DO YOU THINK I AM KIDDING? I AM NOT! I'm only going to tell you once. (Pictured, Alice the Goon [receiving orders] from the great Popeye comic strip "Thimble Theater" by E.C. Segar. That's you if you don't show up! On the other hand, the goon always obeyed orders! So maybe she's better than you! But if I am recalling correctly she fell in love with Wimpy and that's when the Sea Hag's plans were foiled. Gosh I bore myself. I'm pretty sure Segar came up with the words "goon" and "jeep." If he didn't, who cares? Leave me alone! I say whatever I want to because this is a "blog." Don't cite it in your scholarly papers! Are you stupid? Hey, when Joe Matt was here, he asked me, "Who's the Faulkner of comic strips?" and I said, "I don't know, Walt Kelly?" And Joe shook his head. He was always giving everybody pop quizzes! He said, "E.C. Segar." And I said, "Oh!" And he said, "Why?" He wanted me to tell him why! I told him why. What was I talking about? Oh yeah! Go see Megan Abbott and Scott Phillips or you are so dumb and awful. Does this approach work? You will fall in love with them just like Alice the Goon fell in love with Wimpy! There, I brought it all back together. Where am I? Who am I?)