The Return?

"keep groovin'," today's email from McNeil was titled. In the body of his message, McNeil had this to say: "saw a clip of chocolate watchband doing a show at something called the Purple Weekend 2005 - it seemed to be somewhere in Latin America...but I couldn't figure it out...here's the clip." While the "blog" cannot vouch for McNeil's fanciful notions as to the time and location of the performance, we are happy to receive the clip, representing for us, as it does, the breathlessly anticipated return of MGMIEET (though, for purists, McNeil's exposition clearly violates several MGMIEET rules and bylaws).

Speaking of the Chocolate Watchband

It occurs to me how similar that clip of THE LOVE-INS is to the clip of APPLE'S WAY provided by McNeil so very long ago. Someone get to work on a paper about it!

McNeil's Movie Korner

Welcome to a new edition of McNeil's Movie Korner. It has been far too long between Korners. Which reminds us: McNeil is about two weeks past his deadline for cranking up the second phase of MGMIEET, in many ways the offspring of the Korner. In the meantime, you of course recall McNeil's affection for a certain kind of band with a certain kind of name performing in a certain kind of movie. Think back to over a year ago, when McNeil was cooking rice and singing a refrain by the Comfortable Chair. Well, McNeil has recently enjoyed a film called THE LOVE-INS on TCM, and reports that it contains a performance by the Chocolate Watchband (above). McNeil has never seemed happier.

Taffy Feelings Confirmed

Tonight at the famed City Grocery Bar, quite a ruckus broke out when someone produced a box of saltwater taffy fresh from the shores of New Jersey. It was through this fortuitous circumstance that I was able to confirm my warm feelings on the subject of taffy.

One Year Ago In "Blog" History

One year ago today, a friend of ours ate pretzels. This has been the latest installment of "One Year Ago In 'Blog' History."

Wind

McNeil just called and explained to me where wind comes from. I feel a lot better now! Near the conclusion of the conversation, McNeil said what I thought was, "Feels awesome." I replied in the affirmative, agreeing that the wind does indeed feel awesome. "No," said McNeil. "PHIL's awesome."

Pictured, a Chifforobe

Today I learned from writing my five pages that spell check has never heard of chifforobes or the Baha'i faith!

You Can Always Count on Phil

Phil Oppenheim has done it again! "The Sage of Atlanta" (a nickname I just made up for him this very second) sends an amazing "link" to the web site of paperback cover artist R.A. Maguire (that's a sample of Mr. Maguire's work accompanying this "post"). Good old Phil! We feel sure that McNeil's worship of Phil has now evolved into something for which there is no word in our human languages. Phil also includes a kind note "correcting the record" on what I portrayed as my inability to dole out decent advice. Though he obviously has problems with Robert Walser, Phil would like everyone to know that he was very satisfied with my previous personal recommendations of THE THIRD POLICEMAN, the Sonny Rollins album WAY OUT WEST, and the film HIGHBALL. He may even start watching THE WIRE, he says! "I certainly don’t mind your 'readership' thinking that I’m some sort of ingrate or misanthrope or crank," Phil concludes, "but I thought it was incumbent upon me to set the record straight."

Why I Read Faulkner

I hope you know by now how suggestible I am. I have mentioned as much on the "blog." I have revealed as much in interviews. I have strongly implied as much in first-person fictional narratives ("The Poet I Know," a story from my first collection) - though of course you should never confuse the narrator with the author. I now offer conclusive proof of my own suggestibility. A while back, you may recall, Theresa and I were watching the TV series FIREFLY. On FIREFLY, there are bad guys called "Reavers." And I was like, "That reminds me! I've never read THE REIVERS by William Faulkner." So the next time they mentioned "Reavers" on the show, I hit pause and walked up to Square Books and bought THE REIVERS and that's what I'm reading now. Unlike FIREFLY, the Faulkner book has nothing to do with cowboys in outer space ... SO FAR!

Today's Weather: Portentous

Just finished the Big Five and in the very nick of time! From all accounts there is a terrible storm a-brewin'. Hatches must be battened into the "down" position. An electrical strike of "lightning" may erase the "blog" forever! I must be brief. Speaking of weather, it sure has been windy around here for the past several days. And something occurred to me as a result: Do you know what I don't understand AT ALL? Wind. Thank you. This has been "Today's Weather," a popular regular feature. And I'll toss in some "writing" advice: Need to write five pages in a hurry? Try dialogue! Dialogue - the poor man's version of "writing." Like, what if you make one of your characters say, "Yes"? You've taken up a whole line! Economical! Better yet, "No," which has less letters to bother with. And as Melville made very clear with Bartleby the Scrivener, it's always more interesting if your character says "No." You'll save time on typing AND produce quality work for the ages. Win-win!

Dry Effervescence

I have written my five pages and adhered to my plan for two days in a row. That is the longest amount of time over which I have ever adhered to anything, especially a plan. I offer myself my heartiest congratulations and will present myself with a medal later tonight in a quiet ceremony. Now for "blogging." You all recall the high esteem in which I hold Maud Newton. Well, that esteem just got even esteemier when I saw this photo of her with "Proposition Joe" from THE WIRE! For Ms. Newton's "post" about THE WIRE, "click" here. She points out that THE WIRE is "not a novel." That's right, Maud Newton. It's better! (Those interested in similar unsupportable [?] beliefs of mine, expressed amid a barrage of my trademark rage-fueled meaningless aphorisms, may "click" here). "Blog" Buddy Laura Lippman had a cameo on THE WIRE last night! She tossed off a masterfully constructed one-liner with dry effervescence! PS Anyone following the press coverage of THE WIRE will understand what Ms. Newton means about the "not a novel" comment. Even here at the "blog" we have succumbed to the Joycean angle. It is an easy temptation! The lure of lax analogy (and, by extension, all the various strains of laziness that go with it) is, I believe, what Ms. Newton is warning against - none of which should obscure the fact that THE WIRE is the most awesome thing ever created by human people!

Huzzah! Huzzah!

I'm so stupid! I got so caught up in the drudgery of "writing" that I forgot to tell you what's coming on TV tonight: THE WIRE! The beginning of a brand new season! As you know, I always "blog" in a long wizard robe that I had tailored expressly for that purpose and whenever something exciting happens, like THE WIRE coming on, I shout "Huzzah! Huzzah!" and wave my special scepter around. Only I spell it "sceptre" because I'm classier than people think I am.

Five Pages

I have a new rule! No "blogging" on any given day until I've written five pages on the detective novel. So I just finished my five pages, but it turns out I have nothing to say - on the "blog," that is! The novel is full of big, important things that need to be said, apparently. Or it will be. I plan to stick those in after I'm done with the good parts. Oh: McNeil would like everyone to know that BOEING, BOEING will air on TCM on March 12. Early notice if you ask me, but McNeil insists.

Boingo Postscript

Hey, remember when I used to sit in a dorm room listening to the Dead Kennedys with a French girl who smoked cigars? Oingo Boingo was one of her LPs as well. I must also mention that in the previous Oingo Boingo clip we presented for your enjoyment, you may see two previous "blog" subjects: Mr. Buddy Hackett and Mr. Bill Bixby. Thank you. I believe that this is all I have to say for today.

Boingo

Phone call from Barry B. last night. After much discussion, we decided that the YouTube is the greatest thing ever. As evidence, Barry B. submitted a clip (below) of Oingo Boingo competing on the Gong Show. Now, I realize that some of you have never even heard of Lee Iacocca or Mr. Spock because you're tiny little babies, so I expect that you have never heard of Oingo Boingo or the Gong Show. Oingo Boingo was Danny Elfman's band. For an earlier "blog" reference to Mr. Elfman, "click" here; beyond that, I'm going to have to ask you to do a little homework on your own. Reading "blogs" is hard work! You knew that going in.

James Whorton, Jr.'s C-Spandemonium!

Welcome once again to James Whorton, Jr.'s C-Spandemonium! It has been too long. Whorton writes: "I feel a little guilty because I've been watching lots of C-Span lately and saying nothing about it to you. I saw the program on the Nixon Presidential Library, which included some video of Nixon doing a sound check in the Oval Office just prior to his resignation speech on August 8, 1974. He was affable except at one point when he told the White House photographer to stop taking pictures of him. He said, 'That's enough, Ollie.' Coincidentally, that is a phrase I often use too," Whorton goes on, "because we have a cat named Ollie who is always knocking stuff around and pulling on the upholstery. 'That's enough, Ollie.'" Mr. Whorton includes a picture of Nixon snapped by Ollie (the photographer, not Whorton's cat). We choose not to "post" it here because we had a shot of G. Gordon Liddy yesterday. It is kind of like the time we didn't "post" a photo of Ewan McGregor because we had already "posted" one of Rufus Sewell. Also, there have been plenty of pictures of Nixon on the "blog" ("click" here or here if you don't believe me) not to mention one of Magruder. I don't wish to give the wrong impression. The Ollie Atkins photo provided by Mr. Whorton showed Nixon playing the piano. In that spirit, we lift our McGregor ban and show him sitting on a piano for your edification.

Arts, Briefly

I have just started reading FATHER OF THE BLUES, which is the autobiography of W.C. Handy. There is a lot of Messiaen-like appreciation of songbirds in the early portion of this fascinating book. Speaking of autobiographies, Jim Whorton recently finished G. Gordon Liddy's. I remarked to Whorton that my grandfather enjoyed the book when it came out, as I recall, and that on the playground at school everyone was excited about it because Mr. Liddy eats a rat in the book, and holds his hand over a flame. Yes, back in those days, kids on the playground talked about the autobiographies of shadowy political operatives. Whorton was able to confirm my secondhand memory of the book, and I quote: "Yep, that's the book. Liddy is clever because for example, he describes burning himself deliberately on several occasions, but he is always careful to downplay the pain and play up how shocking and frightening the people around him find it. I mean, I think that is clever or canny storytelling. He ate the rat in order to conquer his childhood fear of rats. That happens early, and then later in the book, when he is in prison after Watergate, some prisoners try to frighten him with a rat and they can't, because he used his will to overcome his rat fear as a boy." Meanwhile, Phil Oppenheim has moved on from Daniil Kharms to Robert Walser, ON MY RECOMMENDATION (!) because it seemed to me like the next logical step. I don't believe that Phil has taken my advice about anything ever before in history, and I do believe he regrets it somewhat. Here, allow me to quote Phil on the subject: "I'm working my way through some of his stories, and boy he sure got nutty towards the end. He's sort of a fellow traveller of Ford Maddox Ford and Hank Kimball's if you know what I mean. [I don't. - ed.] This line is giving me a (typical) headache: 'And I assure you, if it were up to me I'd hardly ever laugh.' One story (The Strange Girl) ended thus: 'I'm going to bed. Figure the story out for yourself if you like.'" Phil concludes by saying that he is not sure the headaches he receives from Walser are "the good kind or the bad kind." Just to tie up this portion of our "post" with a neat little ribbon, I would like to state for the record that Jim Whorton introduced me to the work of Robert Walser. Reading is a like a virus! A big, huggable, deadly virus! In other arts news, McNeil is practically beside himself with joy at the announcement that TCM will soon broadcast Otto Preminger's notorious but rarely witnessed psychedelic vaudeville debacle SKIDOO. (McNeil has "linked" to a scene from SKIDOO before; "click" for details.) To conclude, we apologize that today's edition of Arts, Briefly is not brief.

Victuals

Two emails on the subject of food came through last night. The first, it should come as no surprise, was from Dr. "M.," who, as you very well know, is the "blog's" resident expert on food ("click" here for the most recent corroborative "post"). Dr. "M." writes on the subject of our recent "cabbage vs. collards" dilemma: "My mom fixed hoppin' john and cabbage tonight. But she commented at the dinner table that we should really be having collard greens. But the cabbage was divine. Also, you are supposed to hide a dime in the hoppin' john, but she was too tired to do that, she said. Actually, she said she was too tired to clean the dime so that she could hide it in the peas-n-rice. I am glad to know that all of those years of finding dimes in my peas (often once they were in my mouth!) that the money was clean and sterile. Whew!" The cabbage, we would like to note, was grown by Dr. "M.'s" husband the Farmer. Dr. "M." and the Farmer just returned from a trip to Chicago, and Dr. "M." also provided, in a postscript, a long list of restaurants they enjoyed while there, and which we reproduce here for your pleasure and edification: Cafe Spiaggia * The Green Zebra * Orange * Milk and Honey Cafe * Lovely Bakeshop * Hot Chocolate * Hopleaf Bar/Restaurant * Eleventh City Diner * Intelligentsia Coffeeshop. The second food email came from James Whorton, Jr., commenting on our recent lauding of Lobel's hot dogs. A student of Whorton's, it turns out, is the "webmaster" for the Lobel's "web" site! In a non-food-related coincidence, Whorton reports that as the new year begins, he is reading LITTLE BIG MAN by Thomas Berger, "originally published in 1964" (Whorton's note). On 12/31/07, I finished up THE FAR SIDE OF THE DOLLAR, which was ALSO ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN 1964! Astonishing!

Pea Variations

I see that I have called them black eyed peas and black eye peas, but according to the bag they came in, they are "blackeye peas" and the bag they came in should know! Wow! This makes me want to write an experimental literary novel on the limits of human language! But I promise I won't! You're welcome!

Luck & Money

Happy new year! As you know, you must eat some black eyed peas with rice (hoppin' john) and collard greens today. The peas are for luck and the greens are for money. Or maybe you are from Britain or some other classy place and you do not know about this tradition! Well, have you asked yourself why you didn't have any luck or money in 2007? It is probably because you did not eat black eyed peas or collard greens on January 1, 2007. Also, it is bad luck to wash clothes today, so watch out! In the grocery store the other day, two different people tried to tell Theresa that we are supposed to cook cabbage today, not collards! Are those people out of their minds?