Friday, November 19, 2010

The Hook

You know how I rise before dawn sometimes? Sure you do! Every time it is dawn you are probably like, "I wonder if Jack got up before now! Gosh!" Anyway, I usually turn on the TV and stare blankly into its maw. This morning's treat was a horror movie called CANDYMAN: FAREWELL TO THE FLESH. I turned it on just in time to see this credit: music by Philip Glass. And I was like, "Hey!" I was all, "!" I was surprised to see that. I was also surprised later when bees came out of a guy's face. But my original surprise came about because I thought that when Philip Glass received the call, he would have been like, "I am way too fancy to write the music for CANDYMAN: FAREWELL TO THE FLESH." I mean look at him! Look at how fancy he looks! (He now joins our growing gallery of people who pose with their fingers for extra posing goodness. If you do a "Google Image Search" for Philip Glass you will see that he is the world champion of finger posing. Seven out of the first 10 images of him are finger-centric. And he doesn't rely on any single tired old standby finger pose, he really mixes it up - everything from the pensive "Hmmm" with finger crooked over mouth to "I just happen to be resting my cheek on my fist.") But when you think about it, the Philip Glass style is good for horror music. Remember the theme from PHANTASM? I'll refresh your memory. It goes "Deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle." The repetition is creepy. It's not by Philip Glass, but it almost could be. The music for CANDYMAN: FAREWELL TO THE FLESH is more "Ah ah ah oh oh oh ah/ Ah ah ah oh oh oh ah!" Same principle. So anyway this guy gets impaled on a hook, and he gets this look on his face like, "Huh." I think he even says something like "Ow." I really think that, though I can't say for sure. Well, as the hooking scene went on and on something really gross happened that I don't feel like typing up for you, and it made me feel bad inside, so I changed channels to a tepid "comedy" (probably an "indie" "comedy") about quirky people teaching at a quirky college quirkily. It seemed like it was supposed to be a "satire" of something but I couldn't tell what.