Sunday, February 14, 2010

A Total of Eight Things

I learned five things on our trip to Virginia and back. Also, we saw three interesting signs. Here is what I learned: 1) People in Virginia are nice! Especially A.J., Josh, Juliana, Phineas, all my regional facebook friends, plus the girl who offered me a "gourmet donut topped with bacon," though I did not take her up on it. Also, all the people who listened to me read. 2) The female lead (Greta Schröder) from Murnau's silent horror classic NOSFERATU looks like Tina Fey! 3) There is a large cross looming over the town of Cookeville, Tennessee, but NO cross looming over the next town to the east, which is - pay attention, now! - Crossville, Tennessee! It would be ever so delightfully droll if the people of Crossville put up a giant statue of a cook to loom over them, as if to say to the people of Cookeville, "Two can play at that game!" 4) A hotel in Nashville has eight or nine of the paintings of "Blog" Buddy Jon Langford hanging in its lobby! 5) There is a terrible restaurant in Nashville. Downstairs is a pleasantly appointed lounge attended to by a suave cocktail pianist and everyone looks very happy there. Undesirable persons, such as Theresa and myself, are escorted to an attic-like area, where "Kenny G" style music is blasted through the speakers at strange volumes. Every few minutes, on top of that, a faulty fire alarm starts to shriek! Part of dinner is served "buffet style," so the creepy people who are forced to eat in the attic, such as Theresa and myself, are required to make their way down into the glittering cocktail lounge where may be observed all the well-mannered people having the time of their lives, apparently. Then we load our plates with the bland food and navigate our way up the dim and narrow staircase to eat in silent shame. No, not silent! Because of the Kenny G and the fire alarm, the latter of which, to its credit, did occasionally prevent us from hearing the former. Here are the three interesting signs we saw: 1) A billboard for a bail bondsman company. The photographs of two bail bondsmen were presented beneath the slogan "WE'RE UGLY BUT WE'RE HONEST." They looked like very nice, presentable men, in my opinion. They were being too hard on themselves, I think! But it was all for a humorous effect, which was appreciated by passing motorists. 2) The giant logo outside the Brown Squirrel Furniture Factory. 3) The mesmerizing neon coffee sign over the place where we stayed in Roanoke. It has a history, I do believe. (Naturally, this "post" cries out for me to violate the "random illustrations only" rule. I am going to attempt to find one or more of the following for you: the Brown Squirrel Furniture Factory logo, the neon coffee sign, possibly Kenny G. Not Greta Schröder. Sadly, after examing 1,000 photos of Greta Schröder on the "internet," I have reached the conclusion that she does not actually look like Tina Fey. I learned a wrong thing!) A final warning: there is not a decent photo of the actual Brown Squirrel sign on the "internet." Don't look for one or you will be disappointed! The logos presented by the "internet" are drab in comparison with the gigantic, cheerful squirrel I witnessed. Cheerful, however, is this woman from the Brown Squirrel "web" site, who is excited by Brown Squirrel's dining room selection: