Wednesday, November 01, 2006
We're unhappy here in the Pendarvis Building. Perhaps it's my own fault. Perhaps I've been too indulgent with the interns, who, after all, look to me for guidance. In any case, the "blog" is all over the place! The "blog" lacks focus! Steps must be taken. I want to make it crystal clear: This "blog" is about five things and five things alone. It will be the only place on the "internet" to get the pure, unvarnished truth about these five things. From now on, these five things are the laser-like focus of this "blog" and no deviation will be tolerated. 1. Jerry Lewis. 2. Donuts. 3. That mythical beast the Cyclops. 4. Dodecaphonic compositonal techniques. This will include Schoenberg and his followers, such as Webern and Berg, of course, but also composers who merely had a dodecaphonic period, however brief, such as Stravinsky and even (I believe) Aaron Copland. Does the list include the Polish master Krzysztof Penderecki? I honestly can't recall. And to be perfectly straightforward there will be ABSOLUTELY NO whimsical ruminations about the dense, complex works of Penderecki until this matter is cleared up! That's just how dead serious I am about whipping this "blog" into shape. 5. Adventures of the "Blog" Buddies. There's no telling what kind of scrapes the "Blog" Buddies will get themselves into next! The "Blog" Buddies include sassy lady professor Theresa Starkey, all-American boy Jeff McNeil, underground darling Amanda Stern, clogging whiz Caroline Young, Mastroianni-style playboy Tom Bissell, Kent "The Free Spirit" Osborne, and pensive churl Phil Oppenheim, among others. I think we have covered all the necessary demographics. There's nothing the "Blog" Buddies can't do when they put their minds to it! At times the "Blog" Buddies may quarrel among themselves because of their very different approaches to crime-fighting. But then they remember that the "Blog" Buddies are the only real family they've ever had. And they come together to protect America, which is awesome. Some may say that this new, narrowed focus of the "blog" will be restrictive, but I say that much like the arbitrary limits of the dodecaphonic process itself, it will free us. Said Stravinsky, on the subject of "blogging," I believe, "The imagination works best when caged."