Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Tater Mitts Forever!

I have been delighted recently by a television commercial for a product called Tater Mitts. I wish to make it clear: I am not vouching for the efficacy of the Tater Mitts, nor am I making a product endorsement of any kind. I am not in the employ of the Tater Mitts corporation. For some reason Tater Mitts put me in mind of Barry B. Well, I know why. It's because he has used the word "tater" in a professional capacity. I can say no more. But this was years before the advent of Tater Mitts! I described the workings of Tater Mitts to Theresa yesterday, over dinner. Theresa immediately conceived of several gruesome possible criminal uses of Tater Mitts. Once again, I can say no more. Hey, speaking of commercials for handy dandy kitchen items, have you seen the long-form ad for "The Magic Bullet"? That's a great one. I believe it is as long as an ordinary sitcom. A bunch of adults have had some sort of sleepover, a la THE ICE STORM, and their host couple demonstrates "The Magic Bullet" for them the next morning. It is implied that the guests are suffering from hangovers, and one of them is a sassy old "dame" with a comically long cigarette ash. It is the greatest commercial ever! According to the commercial, you can make everything from an omelet to a frozen alcoholic beverage with "The Magic Bullet." I happen to know that Barry B. owns a "Magic Bullet," by the way. True story! Funny, though, the name of "The Magic Bullet" seems ill chosen. It puts me in mind of the Kennedy assassination, of course (I believe the phrase was used by critics of the Warren Commission), plus there was a movie starring Edward G. Robinson (pictured) in which he cured syphilis, and it was called "Dr. ______'s Magic Bullet" (I can't recall the whole title.) Anyway, it doesn't seem as if you'd want your kitchen gadget associated with assassinations and syphilis. Finally, I will hazard a guess that I am not the first "blogger" to note the connection between that particular kitchen gadget, assassinations, and syphilis. But I am too tired to research the subject right now. Look how long this paragraph is! Anyway, though, I am not stealing, just reaching independent and inevitable conclusions, like some kind of scientist - the one who cured syphilis, for example.