Friday, May 21, 2010

Sour Velvet Galifianakis

As promised, I have captured AUTHOR! AUTHOR! on the dvr so I can confirm Al Pacino's Jerry Lewis impersonation for you. It may take some time. I made it five minutes in or less. Then I had one of those "What am I doing with my life?" moments. But on the plus side, Al Pacino is already wearing a red velvet jacket and a tasseled scarf. So why so sour, Pendarvis? I don't want to be one of those sour "bloggers." There are millions of them! There is nothing duller. I want to be your cheerful and breezy companion. Yet there is this one commercial I want to complain about, too. Childish crayon drawings have come to life in the form of paper creatures as large as buildings, stalking around the city. And there is this guy sitting on top of a building gazing at the wonderful phone he has purchased. And a smile creeps across his face. He is like a much healthier and immaculately groomed Zach Galifianakis crossed with a character from a Hal Hartley movie. And the announcer is like (I may be misquoting, but only a little), "Remember when you were five years old and everything was possible? Welcome to your new fifth birthday." And I am thinking, you know, why stop there, man-child? Why not buy a phone that turns you into a fetus?