McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

Today's MGMIEET has archeological value: McNeil has finally found a snippet of his video white whale THE IRON PETTICOAT.

Where Is Thy Stang?

"Earlier today," reports our future brother-in-law, "as I was taking the elevator up to my office, I noticed that the firm that occupies the floor directly below mine is called Stevens, Wilkinson, Stang and Newdow." The FBIL has not been able at this present juncture to make a definite connection between the firm and Arnold Stang (pictured here with Fess Parker and Peter Lorre). The FBIL also reports that my sister has refused to let him put the Magic Bullet or Tater Mitts on their wedding registry.

Phil Oppenheim Presents James Whorton, Jr.'s Velvet Suit Theatre

The following has nothing to do with velvet suits (or Jim Whorton), but I have decided to place all classy YouTube clips under this handy rubric. In the present instance, Phil has provided a surprising game show appearance by iconic experimental composer John Cage:

My Promise To You

I vow to illustrate every possible "post" from now on with a picture of either Mr. Spock playing his guitar or Arnold Stang, Fess Parker and Peter Lorre hanging out.

Arnold Stang's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

So very long without a new MGMIEET. McNeil is on strike, hoping to have our popular daily feature downgraded to a measly five days a week. While we iron out his contract, please enjoy a second installment of Arnold Stang's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre, starring Arnold Stang. He's the one in the glasses.

Dr. "M.'s" TV Korner: Mars

Welcome once again to Dr. "M.'s" TV Korner, where our longtime correspondent and holder of a doctorate in ******** ******* at a respected major American university talks about her real love: watching TV. Today, Dr. "M." has uncovered someone who has uncovered someone who has uncovered a few precious minutes of the never-to-be broadcast fourth season of "blog" "fave" VERONICA MARS. If it won't make you too sad and filled with bitter regrets for things that might have been, "click" here.

Dear Bird Correspondent

The bird correspondent responds to our recent query: "Interesting! I'd say it's unlikely, though not impossible, that your squirrel tail was left behind by a great-horned owl. Owls are nocturnal, squirrels are diurnal. More likely your squirrel was grabbed by a red-tailed hawk, or a cat or dog, or perhaps a neighbor who thought it would be amusing to leave a squirrel tail in your driveway. But if your owl is having bad luck hunting at night, then sure, he'll wake up during the day and eat a squirrel." (Meanwhile, we heard the owl again last night. Theresa looked on the "internet" for pictures, and read that the great horned owl has "wings designed for silent flight." The "internet" also said that there is one recorded instance of a great horned owl killing a person. But it was on Wikipedia, so who knows?)

Dear Bird Correspondent

Welcome once again to our recurring questions-and-answers column featuring bird expert and novelist on non-bird-related subjects Sheri Joseph. Today's question for the Bird Correspondent comes from me, and marks one of the "blog's" rare descents into the realm of the morbid. Dear Bird Correspondent, yesterday I found a squirrel tail in the driveway. Just a tail, with no squirrel attached. Might this be the work of our great horned owl? That is, would it spit out the tail? As it flew over our house?

No "Post"

I sort of wanted to "post" about the Italian horror movie we just watched, which seemed like an Alfred Hitchcock movie if Alfred Hitchcock had been hit on the head with a board before shooting each scene. And I kind of mean that in a good way! The last thirty minutes were worth waiting for especially. There's a big chase INSIDE a pipe organ, culminating in an extended mad bat attack reminiscent of Hitchcock's THE *****. I had a bunch of other Hitchcock titles up my sleeve, too. And then the super whammy double switcheroo ending - catching us completely off guard - rather like the final scene in Billy Wilder's ********* FOR THE ************. I was also going to mention the movie Theresa and I saw at the theatre today, a certain musical based on the songs of a popular British band of the 1960s with "mop top" hairdos, and how it was not, well, satisfactory, but weirdly seemed to have an inverted, nightmarish cousin in this very same particular Italian horror film featuring hippies in capes, one of them throwing - in the carnival manner - palette knives dripping red paint at a big white canvas. But I'm not going to write about any of that because I'm sick of adding titles to this "link." "Blogging" is hard, y'all.

Secondhand George

Welcome to what we trust and hope will be a cherished new feature of the "blog." We call it "Secondhand George." It's when we hear from McNeil what his friend George, with whom he works at a major American delivery service, is talking about. George checked out the "blog" when he got word of his recent cameo, and mentioned to McNeil that he has seen actual bottles of wine made by "blog" regular Fess Parker (pictured here with his friends Arnold Stang and Peter Lorre) for sale in the grocery store next to all the regular wine. Here, check out Fess Parker's winery, which we have heard about... secondhand. From George.

Golden Beets

Not long ago I was eating golden beets at the L&M Salumeria. Golden beets! Like beets a king would eat!

Sherlock Shakespeare

We had the pleasant experience yesterday of running into a friend of ours, a young woman who teaches literature to sixth graders. One of her 11 year-old pupils had written a mystery story starring a detective named Sherlock Shakespeare, who lives and works in the year 2199. Around that year, it seems, Sherlock Shakespeare makes all the money he really needs and decides to take a vacation - specifically, he and a friend go on a Disney cruise. But there is a murder on deck and Sherlock Shakespeare must interrupt his holiday to solve it. SPOILER ALERT!!!! The murder weapon is an iPhone. I mention all this because I immediately decided to steal the story, in whole or in part - at the very least, the name Sherlock Shakespeare. To what purpose? I'm not sure. BUT. Last night at dinner I brought up the tale of Sherlock Shakespeare and Wesley Stace laid claim to it on the spot. "You can't," I said. "That's mine, I stole it." To which Stace replied, "And now I'm stealing it from you." But I got up early and put it here, where it will stand as a monument for all eternity thanks to the powers of the "internet," marking myself forever as the primary and rightful thief.

In Lieu of McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

Today, McNeil contributes this "link" instead. Have your audio turned up for a special message!

The Dummy Connection

Last night, as part of our Halloween film festival, Theresa and I watched a neat British thriller called DEVIL DOLL. (It's not to be confused with the 30's Lionel Barrymore movie with a very similar title in which, if I recall correctly, Barrymore dresses in drag and commands a gang of six-inch tall burglars.) Our DEVIL DOLL was made in the 60s, and has something in common with British films like Schelisnger's BILLY LIAR, Richardson's THE ENTERTAINER (with which it shares a tawdry backstage setting), and Lester's A HARD DAY'S NIGHT - sharply contrasting black-and-white, disorienting handheld close-ups, and jump cuts borrowed from the French new wave. It's about an evil ventriloquist's dummy. Well - SPOILER ALERT!!!! - the dummy is not so much evil as he is understandably surly, let's say. But he does wield a knife in a couple of scenes. And DEVIL DOLL has - by the unanimous vote of the film festival committee - the MOST AWESOME FINAL FIVE MINUTES OF ANY MOVIE EVER! Apparently, the Mystery Science Theater boys had a good laugh at DEVIL DOLL's expense, but they might have had more fun watching it for non-ironic pleasure. We miss out on a lot when we place ourselves above the weird, crazy, and cheap. Sometimes, it turns out, we are not as smart as we think we are! Anyway, it struck me as quite a coincidence that Wesley Stace is reading on the Thacker Mountain program tonight, because he is British AND his new novel BY GEORGE is told in part from the POV of a ventriloquist's dummy - though a benign one, I have been led to believe. (Note: I used to have a nice still of DEVIL DOLL with this "post." But the saucy British scalawags on whose "web" site I found that still replaced it at some point with a picture of a lady with no clothes on through their computer knowledge and enjoyment of trickery. So I'm sorry if you saw this "post" during the unknown amount of time in which it had a naughty picture from British scalawags on it!)

Maud Newton

I have just finished looking at every single "blog" on the "internet" and have figured out that Maud Newton's is the best. ("Click" here to go to it and stop wasting your time with this one or any other.) Her little sidebar alone is a treasure. If I go to her page at this precise moment (though perhaps it will change by the time you "click") I get insight on many of this "blog's" own recurring subjects - Alison Bechdel, Charles Schulz, Donald Barthelme, Poe, Proust, YouTube, Greenwood, MS, Amanda Stern, Lorrie Moore, George Saunders, Brooklyn, the New York Times Book Review, and Stephen King. Insight! What's that? It's a thrilling discovery for us here at the "blog." Maud Newton does it so we don't have to. I don't know Ms. Newton at all, have never communicated with her even through today's modern convenience of computers, though I think we may have one or two mutual friends. Still, she is going to be placed with honors in my FRIENDS WITH "BLOGS" section, replacing my friend Mary, who deleted her "blog" in a fit of responsibility. Fittingly, I believe Mary once ran into Ms. Newton over at Square Books. Maud Newton, everybody! Maud Newton! Best "blog" ever!

Thacker Tomorrow

Fans of Thacker Mountain Radio, pay heed! Tomorrow's show will feature a live and lively reading from old friend of the "blog" Wesley Stace as well as an equally live musical performance by one of my undergraduate writing students, Mr. Dent May, who has never seen an episode of STAR TREK. Slowly the "blog" grasps its new town in its avaricious tentacles...

Dear Bird Correspondent

The bird correspondent responds: "Hmm...turkeys. I suppose everyone knows that Ben Franklin suggested the wild turkey would make a better national bird than the bald eagle. The eagle, Ben claimed, possesses 'bad moral Character,' whereas the turkey is, 'though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on.' But everyone knows that! Supposedly wild turkeys are very shy, but I also have seen them hanging out on the sides of roads, and I had a loud flock of toms living outside my studio when I was up at the MacDowell Colony in NH. There is even an in-town flock here in Atlanta, in a Druid Hills neighborhood where people have been feeding them and watching out for them since the 60s or 70s." (P.S. I realize that this "post" has nothing to do with Arnold Stang, Fess Parker, or Peter Lorre but I can't help myself.)

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

Though it breaks our "blog" laws - or "blaws" - against scatology and commentary, I need very much to point out that today's MGMIEET is titled, on the YouTube, "Jerry confesses to pre-defecation chills."

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

McNeil's Idea

McNeil must have been tossing and turning all night. First thing in the morning I find this message from him: "I have an idea for the blog: Mt Stangmore. It's like Mt. Rushmore only instead of the busts of presidents, Mt. Stangmore will bear the likenesses of Norman Taurog, Jack Arnold, George Marshall and, of course, Arnold Stang. Perhaps, as an added feature, a huge image of Jack Carson's face should be etched into a higher mountain a little removed from (behind?) Mt. Stangmore, as if he were looming over our Mt. Stangmore like a giant moon. Yeah. I think that's it. Beautiful. Get Mike Mitchell on it right away."

Dear Bird Correspondent

Dear Bird Correspondent, It seems strange to mention wild turkeys and not ask you for any wild turkey lore you are able to provide for curious "blog" readers. (Aside: I realize that when I mentioned wild boars recently I should have "linked" to this.)

Porter

Porter Wagoner has passed away. Time for everyone to heed our advice about his CD The Rubber Room, especially the harrowing title track. Porter Wagoner! He brought James Brown to the Grand Ole Opry.

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

There is always a risk of ruining MGMIEET through excessive exegesis. That is why we generally recommend the detached approach. But we must mention that today's MGMIEET comes from a TV show in which Jack Arnold had a hand. McNeil also sends word that Jack Arnold directed BACHELOR IN PARADISE, a fact to which McNeil quite properly appends five exclamation points. And now, with no further ado...

The FBIL's Annotation Korner

I was wondering when I would be called upon to explain Fess Parker to our nation's troubled youth. But the FBIL has gone ahead and done it for me in a brand new edition of his famous "Annotation Korner." He writes in primarily to annotate our recent column on bookmarks: "I had a nice surprise the other day. As you may remember, I purchased a copy of The Architecture of the Arkansas Ozarks by Donald Harington at Square Books during our last visit to Oxford. One of the first things I did upon getting home to Atlanta was retrieve the bookmark out of the bag. Last Friday, I was packing up Mr. Harington's novel for a weekend trip to Auburn when I discovered two additional bookmarks inserted into the book. That's three bookmarks in one purchase. Such generosity deserves recognition. You know who else deserves greater recognition? Fess Parker does, that's who. The man played both Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone, for Pete's sake. Who else can say that? Speaking of Fess Parker as Daniel Boone, in my younger days I used to watch that show every day when I came home from school. The thing was, I could never understand the theme song's lyrics. To my young mind it sounded as if Daniel Boone 'fought for America/ to make all Americans scream.'"

Arnold Stang In the Membrane

Sit back, boys and girls. This is going to be long and tedious. The payoff is slim. If you "click" on every "link" and then "click" on every other "link" in every other "post" to which you are taken, you will be reading this "post" forever, for all practical purposes. This "post" is dedicated to Arnold Stang completists everywhere. So McNeil works with a guy named George, who shares our interest in certain movies and TV shows. The other day, McNeil told George about my lunch with Anthony Zerbe. Somehow, the conversation got around to the time that George had interviewed one Jack Arnold for a job designing the web site for a sheriff's office. Are you with me so far? Nothing about Jack Arnold's CV suggested that he might be able to design a web site, but according to this story, George called him in because Mr. Arnold had directed several 1950s science fiction classics, such as THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN, and George wanted to talk to him and get some juicy stories. Well, when McNeil got home he looked up Jack Arnold on IMDB and found that Mr. Arnold had also directed Bob Hope in A GLOBAL AFFAIR (a former object of "blog"templation) AND Arnold Stang in HELLO DOWN THERE. I tell you, McNeil has not been so excited since the director of HOW TO SAVE A MARRIAGE AND RUIN YOUR LIFE died in Charlotte. (For an explanation of the picture, see the original "posting." I "link" back to it for those of you who read the "blog" during weekdays, when you should be working at your work computers. There's a small chance you may have missed an important part of the Stang saga over the weekend.)

Deer

Last night, on the way home from the feast, I saw a young deer in someone's yard. At first I thought it was one of those lawn ornaments, it was so still and alert, but then it sprang away. When we got home, this email from McNeil was waiting, in response to Theresa's recent deer sighting: "My parents live inside the city limits of Charlotte, and wake up every morning to at least 3 deer (sometimes as many as six or seven according to my dad). I can send you pics if you'd like and call it McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Creatures." My mind wandered back to the time we saw all those wild turkeys, and the subsequent communications of Mr. Ward and McNeil on the subject. (By the way, there was a roasted wild turkey on the menu last night.) This is what a "blog" is, everybody! Get used to it.

Tonight We Eat

Tonight we eat a roasted goat and a roasted wild boar. I am not kidding! It is the same annual party at which Tom Franklin ate a roasted pig last year. Speaking of animals, Theresa saw a deer on Faulkner's property yesterday.

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

Your Daily Stang

Bookmarkin'! with Jack Pendarvis

It's time once again for "Bookmarkin'! with Jack Pendarvis," our popular and helpful review of the free bookmarks given out by the bookstores of the world, and your guide to matching each one with just the right book. Theresa has just started reading CHRISTINE FALLS, by Elegant Variation "fave" John Banville, writing under the name Benjamin Black. The dust jacket of the American hardcover is quite fine, as I would like to make clear, because I am about to say that the predominant color makes me think of old Shaky's one-liner about the moon, what with her vestal livery being but sick and green and all. But that deathly element is essential, I think. Theresa found a stunning accompaniment in a bookmark from A Cappella Books in Atlanta. The size is perhaps not ideal - it is a little short for a hardcover - but the color, which Theresa identifies as "lime sherbet," makes for a striking pairing. It almost feels inevitable. The bookmark is cool and unassertive, allowing the cover to do most of the work, but providing subtle - nearly playful - hints that no matter how frightening and thrilling the plot may be, it's only a book. A Cappella offers free bookmarks in various shades. The blue, while unexciting, is a good utilitarian bet. But stay away from the Easter egg pink. We have not yet found the book it suits... though come to think of it, our foil-shiny fuchsia 1980s mass market paperback of ROGER'S VERSION is in storage and cannot be tested properly at this time. So we reserve judgement.

Because I Had To

I had to re"post" this photo because it's already too far down the line. I don't want anyone to miss it! In fact, I'll probably "post" it every day for the rest of my life.

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

All the Best Stangformation

can be found by "clicking" here.

Thrilled and Depressed

I am both thrilled and depressed to discover that I am FAR from the only person to spend his days "blogging" about Arnold Stang. Take a look at this random person from the "internet," for example, who claims here that Arnold Stang did the voice of "Super Pac-Man" in a cereal commercial. If this is true, the implications are earth-shattering. It would mean that PHIL OPPENHEIM'S MOM DATED TWO DIFFERENT GUYS WHO DID THE CARTOON VOICE OF PAC-MAN!

You've Been Stanged

According to one place on the "internet" - so it must be true - Arnold Stang is living in a retirement community in Massachusetts. What this means to McNeil is a documentary in which he and I go on a road trip to meet Arnold Stang. We bandied about several possible titles, many of them bawdy. Later, McNeil called back. "The title should be STANG!, with an exclamation point," he said, "and the theme song is 'Start Me Up' by The Rolling Stones." I asked if we should change the words to "Stang Me Up." McNeil said no: "I already thought of that. I tried singing it out loud in my truck. It didn't sound right." To conclude, McNeil envisioned a scene in which we roam the halls of the retirement community, yelling "You've been Stanged!" for some reason. He's working that part out. (Pictured, Arnold Stang, left, with Fess Parker and Peter Lorre. You knew this day was coming!)

Base Trickery

You won't believe what McNeil tried to pull today. He offered a theatrical promo for the 1973 feature film CANNIBAL GIRLS as today's episode of MGMIEET. He even tried to make us believe that (in his words) "Arnold Stang is smoking a cigar near the end of it." Nice ploy, McNeil, playing on our weakness for Stang. But that sort of smut doesn't wash at the "blog."

The Disheartening Thing

You know, my last book just came out in May... so they (see below) are implying that I wrote another one in two months! That is my goal, of course, a new book every two months, but it will never be a reality, I fear.

An Unnamed Dread Crept O'er Me

That massive, unnamed, and soulless purveyor of books says that they can ship you my new novel in "6 to 8 weeks," and that it was published earlier this year. Don't be confused by their evil ways! The truth is, they can ship it to you in 9 to 10 MONTHS because that's when it will actually be published. My minions are hard at work fixing the problem. Good day to you.

Scrabble on the "Internet": The Ultimate Evil?

Remember when I used to fulminate against the evils of the "myspace"? Ha ha! Whew! Those were the days. Now I am Rupert Murdoch's willing lackey. It just feels so pleasant and satisfying to be brainwashed. Noting my fantastical degree of suggestibility, two of my "internet" chums - Lynn Shelton and Kent Osborne (also an actual flesh-and-blood chum in real actual life) - are waging a campaign to get me to join "facebook" so that we can "play Scrabble on the 'internet.'" THIS IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE! There will be no "facebook" "internet" Scrabble. NOT ON MY WATCH! Very occasionally, I should write something. As things stand, I spend half my time "blogging" about why these modern kids these days don't watch STAR TREK and the other half checking to see if BEST IN SHOW's Jennifer Coolidge has agreed to be my "myspace" friend. (P.S. She has!)

Phil's Radio Korner

Phil Oppenheim, Barry B., and I have been emailing back and forth about the great punk band The Minutemen, which brings us to the subject of today's edition of "Phil's Radio Korner," featuring Minutemen founder Mike Watt. Phil writes: "You may want to check out Mike Watt's online radio show. I think it's pretty great and wildly inconsistent, hence its greatness. Plus, every show starts with a Coltrane song." Phil goes on to clarify some of his earlier, seemingly hurtful statements on the subject of McNeil: "Your 'McNeil' chum is likely a charming fellow. I'd prefer that we not meet lest he become disappointed. Remember what happened when Buzz Aldrin got back from the moon? Like I need that on my head?" It should come as no shock that Phil's remarks had already elicited a response from McNeil, namely the claim that it was secretly McNeil, and not Phil's wife, who had founded the Phil Oppenheim Fan Club. In an unrelated story, McNeil observes that THE KIDS FROM C.A.P.E.R. is "just the kind of thing Wes Anderson would try to make fun of. FOR REAL!!" (Caps and exclamation points McNeil's.)

Live Long and Prosper

I continue to contemplate my stranglehold on the youth market. Things are even dicier than I expected. In today's class, I discovered that one half of my undergraduates HAVE NEVER SEEN AN EPISODE OF STAR TREK. (I include the guy who has seen exactly one episode thanks to his "Star Trek friend." As was probably inevitable, the episode he did see was the one in which Spock has to hurry back to his home planet for saucy purposes.) It was a relief, then, when one student made a reference to the Kubrick version of THE SHINING and everyone got it. More heartening still: one undergrad - mere hours earlier - had been watching THE SHINING with his morning coffee. A bracing way to start the day! And to conclude with the best news possible, my Wile E. Coyote reference was met with universal understanding and good cheer. I am slowly, slowly working my way up to Arnold Stang.

Oppenheim to McNeil: Drop Dead!

This just in: A cruel missive from Phil Oppenheim, dashing McNeil's hopes for an Oppenheim T-shirt. "For my birthday a couple of years ago," writes Oppenheim, "my lovely wife created a Phil Oppenheim Fan Club kit and mailed it to the house. Its contents included a membership card, a certificate, several refrigerator magnets -- and two t-shirts with 'The Phil Oppenheim Fan Club' and an appropriate (though not Jerry-Lewis-esque enough for your taste) caricature of my kisser emblazoned upon it. I have one shirt, and [Oppenheim's wife] the other. Your acquaintance 'McNeil' may beg for one, but I can assure you that he won't be getting one any time soon. It's also probably for the best if we were never to meet." Ouch! We can only observe that this missive, cruel though it may be, does validate McNeil's theory - stated in the first "link" above - that Oppenheim would wear a T-shirt with his own face on it.

Something New

Hey, if you go to my "myspace" page and look in the comments section for "OCT 25 2007 6:00 AM" you will see a brand new comic by Kent Osborne. I urge you to do so!

James Whorton, Jr.'s Velvet Suit Theatre

Jim Whorton claims to have spotted a velvet suit in the attached video. He writes: "It doesn't look very velvety here, but I have been remembering it as velvet for...30 years?" I would only add to Mr. Whorton's observations that the second kid in the last panning shot looks an awful lot like Ray Davies of the Kinks. And finally I will amend the rules of the contest to state that anyone who finds a legitimate photograph or newspaper story featuring Arnold Stang in a velvet suit will become the automatic winner. I know I promised not to reveal any of the early entries in our Velvet Suit Contest but I'm giddy over having discovered how to do this:

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

No, your eyes aren't deceiving you. We've made MGMIEET even more convenient. It's just one of the ways MGMIEET is working for you. And feast your eyes on the clarity of that print!

Look

Hey, everybody, look what I just got from Mike Mitchell. It's the cover for my next book (not to be confused with my NEXT next book, which I'm supposedly "working on" right now).

Rethinking the Velvet Suit

Back when we were counting cigarette holders, the appearance of one would usually usher in a spate. It even became irritating! The same has not been the case with velvet suits. So far we have only had reports of three people wearing velvet suits: Ellen Degeneres, Peter O'Toole, and Charles Schulz. So we have decided to offer a prize to the fifth person who spots someone wearing a velvet suit. If you do your math correctly, you will reckon that we are talking about the eighth velvet suit to hit the "blog." The only rule is, you can't be looking for it. You have to be surprised by it, the way Mark Osborne was when he saw a guy with a cigarette holder at Starbucks. Okay! We're going to hold back until we get five entries, so don't think you'll be able to wait until four more velvet suits are catalogued and jump in for the win. That wouldn't be fair! Send your postcards to VELVET SUIT c/o "Writer" Oxford, MS, 38655. The winner will receive a copy of THE CITY IN HISTORY by Lewis Mumford. It's gigantic and heavy and Arnold Stang is nowhere in the index and I don't know what I was thinking when I bought it. Besides, Jane Jacobs really tore Mumford up in THE DEATH AND LIFE OF GREAT AMERICAN CITIES, in a way that made me feel I had to choose sides. And because I'm lazy and she made me laugh and nod a lot, I'm going to stick with Jane Jacobs. Finally, speaking of Charles Schulz, this new bio has a photo of him as an infant - the exact same photo that used to fascinate my little sister when she was a baby herself. It was in the introduction to a Peanuts collection I had. My sister, who was barely walking or talking, loved that picture more than she liked the colorful cartoons. She would open the book to that page and stumble around demanding that I "Kiss the baby! Kiss the baby!" and she wouldn't be happy until I kissed the photo of Charles Schulz as a baby. I still have that book. She tore the covers off and drew all over it with crayons. Okay, I've crammed a lot in here because I need to work on my new book today. Bye!

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

At the risk of editorializing we will say that McNeil has mined deep in the bowels of the YouTube and come back with gold. But for some reason Arnold Stang isn't in it. Stang!

Stang!

I had turned off the computer and climbed into bed to read but I had to get up because I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT ARNOLD STANG! And it's not just because I'm being paid so much money by the Arnold Stang Foundation. Did you know, for example, that one of his many credits listed on IMDB is the film HELLO DOWN THERE? Why is this important? Well, would it amaze and astound you to know that one of our very earliest MGMIEETs contained a clip from HELLO DOWN THERE? ("Click" here, then "click" again where it says "'Click' here" when you get there.) Mr. Stang does not appear in the clip, but still. Stang!

Arnold Stang's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

No word yet from McNeil on the MGMIEET front. So today, thanks to a grant from the Arnold Stang Foundation, we are happy to present Arnold Stang's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre. Today's episode seems to bear out Mr. Ward's callow memory of Stang's physiognomy. Stang!

Awe Upgraded to Worship

McNeil called last night to confirm that his awe of Phil Oppenheim has been officially upgraded to "worship" status with the news that Phil's mom used to date Arnold Stang. McNeil demands a T-shirt with Phil's face on it. "I'm not sure who else would buy that," I said. "Phil would," McNeil replied. On the back of the T-shirt, McNeil would like to see a print-out of Phil's "blog"trospective, which would serve as a reminder of all the reasons that McNeil worships Phil. On the relationship of awe to worship, please see the deep thoughts of a talkative poet ("click" here). We will put the Phil Oppenheim "baby T" up for sale at our "blog" store, along with our Caroline Young bumper stickers. This "post" made possible in part by a grant from the Arnold Stang Foundation.

The FBIL's Annotation Korner

The name Arnold Stang did not "ring a bell" for the FBIL. But... "I kid you not," he writes, "my very first thought on seeing his picture was, 'He reminds me of Popeye's little suicidal Navy buddy.' Imagine my surprise when Wikipedia told me that Mr. Stang not only resembled Popeye's pal Shorty, he was also the voice of Shorty! I must have somehow subconsciously known that. Further wiki-reading reminded me that I had indeed seen (or heard) Mr. Stang in many projects over the years, from movies to commercials to cartoons and even high camp. Who could forget HERCULES IN NEW YORK? I wish I could." Lay aside such foolish wishes, FBIL! Arnold Stang is back and bigger than ever. The "blog" has received a grant from the Arnold Stang Foundation, a nonprofit organization dedicated to restoring the concept of Arnold Stang to the American cultural consciousness. From now on it's all Arnold Stang, all the time. Let's get on the Stang train, people! Stang!

Return of the Velvet Suit

Remember how we used to count cigarette holders? What a waste of time that was! So we've decided to count velvet suits instead, in honor of Dr. "M." and her well known fondness for velvet suits. Right now I'm reading SCHULZ AND PEANUTS by David Michaelis, and last night I came across a description of the six-year-old Charles Schulz decked out in a velvet suit. I believe the passage is worth quoting: "[H]e sits on the grass of a St. Paul park, in velvet suit and Eton collar, earnestly posed under a lacquered Oriental parasol." Hey, do you know who else likes "Peanuts" besides George Saunders (as first reported on the "blog")? Kent Osborne, that's who! Look at the round head of his sad little character. I just spoke to Mike Mitchell tonight, who brought up Kent's comic out of the blue and couldn't stop talking about how good it is. Buy one and see for yourself! Check the "comment" space for a "blurb" from "yours truly"!

Arnold Stang Revelations Continue to Rock "Blogging" World

Okay. I have to tell you this. Mr. Ward has written in to remind me that he once interviewed Arnold Stang for his school newspaper. "Fun Fact," writes Mr. Ward: "Arnold Stang is smaller than a fairly small sized seventh grader."

Marty Ingels Alert!

We make an exception for this breaking news: Phil Oppenheim's mother once dated Marty Ingels. And at another point in her life, she dated Arnold Stang. Arnold Stang! Okay, kids, look up Arnold Stang. (Pictured, Arnold Stang.)

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

This is it for today. I have to write that detective novel. See you tomorrow!

How I Plan to Keep My Stranglehold on the Youth Market

Stubby Kaye! Fred Ott! Wheeler & Woolsey! Gilbert & Sullivan! Brian Lamb! Stephen Leacock! John Qualen! William McKinley! Carol Lynley! Marty Ingels! And did you know that Alban Berg was killed by an insect bite? I ran across that little tidbit the other night in READER'S BLOCK by David Markson. It's the kind of thing I think about a lot. A lot! (Remember the fate of Allan Pinkerton, kids? You know you do!) Pictured, Marty Ingels, the cartoon voice of Pac-Man.

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

"It's ten minutes long and I've already watched it six times," says McNeil of today's featured attraction. As we've clearly broken our rule against editorializing on the subject of MGMIEET, we will let you know that this one is an essential annotation to the film ONE MORE TIME, already the subject of much "blog"templation.

Mumbo Jumbo

The "blog" often hears from its younger constituency, who whine and complain that they have never heard of the people about whom the "blog" "blogs." It was for this very reason that we once took pains to include a "link" explaining the career - indeed, the existence - of Uri Geller. Well, guess what, boys and girls? It turns out that given our nation's newfound love of televised mumbo jumbo, Uri Geller is coming to NBC. NOW who's the idiot? The "blog" is ahead of the curve, as usual.

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

AND... McNeil says this isn't suitable for the "blog." I'm not so sure.

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

For Hubcap City.

I Just Had Lunch With Anthony Zerbe

Yes, the magnificent character actor who beat up Paul Newman in THE LIFE AND TIMES OF JUDGE ROY BEAN. Mr. Ward called just as I was leaving, and I had the smug pleasure of saying, "Sorry, I'm just about to walk out the door to have lunch with Anthony Zerbe." Mr. Ward, who knows all, immediately began extolling, and describing at wondrous length, Mr. Zerbe's role in the miniseries "Centennial" and the TV movie starring the rock band KISS. At lunch, the main topics of conversation were the great artists John Huston and Shakespeare, as well as Mr. Zerbe's mentorship of "blog" "fave" actor Paul LeMat, most famous for his iconic role in AMERICAN GRAFFITI. Mr. Zerbe is an excellent storyteller, as one would expect. It was a wonderful lunch, all under the auspices of Tom Franklin.

Hubcap City Draped in Black

The news of Joey Bishop's demise hits home in, of all places, Hubcap City. A leader of that community writes in to say, "It's a different world." Amen, brother. Meanwhile, McNeil submits a clip of a Joey Bishop performance for MGMIEET - but it's a little too "playful" on the subject of Native America for the "blog's" refined tastes. After fruitful negotiations, McNeil is searching for something else in honor of the man.

Talks Break Down

Light "blogging" day. I've been working on the next novel (after AWESOME). Or it may turn out to be a leaflet. Still, there won't even be a MGMIEET today. McNeil cites "creative differences." He sent something in that started with Jerry Lewis making funny noises and mispronouncing things - perfect! But that bit segued into some World War II material that was a little too gloomy for the "blog." As talks were ongoing, news of Joey Bishop's death came over the wire and McNeil and I were too shaken to continue. But if you need something to occupy your mind until tomorrow, Laura Lippman's "blog" has "linked" to a long, interesting article about THE WIRE. Anyhow, there were two MGMIEETs yesterday, so everything balances out.

Hercules Spoiler Alert

Theresa and I just finished watching another Mario Bava movie... HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD. Spoiler alert!!!! Hercules' answer for everything is to pick up a big rock and sling it. During the climactic battle, Theresa said, and I quote, "What's he going to do? He's running out of big rocks. Oh, there's one." I mean, he smushed Christopher Lee with a big rock. He knocked the golden apple out of the tree with a big rock. At one point he had to cross a pit of boiling lava so he tied a vine around a... big rock. And slung it, fashioning a makeshift tightrope. Nothing against Hercules! Or the movie, which was filled with pretty colors. Hey, if I was Hercules I'd be slinging big old rocks all day long.

Bad

We have just learned (from one of our own "links") that Raymond Pettibon apparently raises dogs for "sporting" purposes! This is not good. It takes all the fun out of our last "post." Indeed it has sucked the fun out of the whole day.

Crazy Movie

Gales of delighted laughter from downstairs. Theresa is still researching cultural representations of Patty Hearst, currently in the form of a ragtag homemade movie by Raymond Pettibon. It's called CITIZEN TANIA. From what we have seen, it is too "racy" and full of "bad words" for the "blog." But it is right up Barry B.'s alley and we urge him to get hold of a copy as soon as possible. We're sending this movie recommendation across the "blog" waves directly to your door, Barry B. It's not available on Netflix, we already checked for you. In fact, VHS seems to be the only format in which CITIZEN TANIA is available. You always seem to be able to find this kind of stuff, so godspeed, Barry B.! Theresa acquired it through an inter-library loan (it was in Kansas!), proving that McNeil was absolutely right about the convenience of such an arrangement.

Special McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre Double Header

"Click" here to unravel the secrets of our popular daily feature. And because McNeil is feeling generous, please enjoy these depressing silent home movies of two of the Three Stooges.

Another Chapter

Speaking of which, check out this heated exchange between "Pescow" and "Patrick Wayne." I am starting to love the internet!

What MySpace Is Good For

I have discovered by accident and through my many hours of putting off starting a new novel, that there is a whole group of "friends" on MySpace (or is it a single person?) engaging in a new form of literature: the Proustian wormhole Match Game/Tattletales/Laugh-In school of multiversal internet identity-theft fan fiction. This has little or nothing to do with the Gilmore Girls School of Literature that I tried to get cranked up a while back. The interesting thing about this Match Game bunch is the way fiction and nonfiction overlap. For example, Charles Nelson Reilly really DID have a MySpace page, and many of the (assumedly!) fictional members of this new literary cult befriended him. One may bounce around from "friend" to "friend" to discover more of their ongoing story. I suggest starting with this account of Dick and Dolly Martin's tea-and-crumpet party. Gene Rayburn claims to "blog" from heaven. How many are the real deal? How many are in on the joke? What is the joke? Is it a joke? Would Borges be too strong of an allusion here? To get the full effect I recommend befriending (as I did) "Donna Pescow," whose profile is set to private. (Pictured, Borges and Donna Pescow. Or they will be. Right now something is wrong with that button. But imagine how awesome this "post" would be with hilariously contrasting photos of Borges and Donna Pescow! Yeah!)

Dr. "M.'s" TV Korner: Dr. "M." Recommends

"I know the FBIL won't believe me," writes Dr. "M.," "but I thought of that film and then forgot to include it in my list. D****it, I sound like one of my students. 'That was just what I was gonna say.' 'He said what I was gonna say.' And so on... The mention of George H. reminds me that I am freshly addicted to Dancing with the Stars. (He was on it last season for those who don't know.) That Marie Osmond--what a card. I am rooting for the Cheetah Girl. Or is it Grrrrrrl?" In answer to your question, Dr. "M.," we don't know what a Cheetah Girl or Grrrrrrl is, sorry. We are also curious about your designation of Marie Osmond as a "card" and would like to see some evidence to back it up. We remember her old TV show, on which she seemed pleasant but demure. Also, perhaps you could explain the appeal of Dancing with the Stars in greater depth, so that we will buy into it or be tempted to watch. Finally, we think you owe us some reflections on what was going on with vampires and werewolves during the Reagan years.

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

Then there's this.

The FBIL's Annotation Korner

I am sure you all remember what a great job the FBIL did following up on the Tater Mitt story. Today he writes to remind Dr. "M." about an item that would fit right in with her recent column. "How about the granddaddy of campy 80s vampire movies, LOVE AT FIRST BITE, starring George Hamilton as a very tan Count Dracula?" he asks. Good call, FBIL! You just earned yourself a regular feature. If you apply yourself, your work will soon stand proudly beside such other efforts as "Today's Weather," "James Whorton, Jr.'s C-Spandemonium," and "Bookmarkin'! with Jack Pendarvis." Dare to dream!

Dear Bird Correspondent

Welcome to a long overdue new installment of Dear Bird Correspondent. Today, the B.C. responds in an impressively rapid fashion to our most recent queries. "Sure, birds have personalities!" she writes. "I wouldn't call blue jays mean, but they're kind of bold and bossy. They will attack a cat or a snake or an owl or anything they think might be a predator, but they're less pugnacious than, say, mockingbirds. They're related to crows so are pretty smart. If I've translated your woos correctly, I think you have a great horned owl. They say 'Who's awake? Me too.' A great horned owl will totally eat your cat. But a blue jay will give an owl hell, so you should advise your cats to make friends where it counts."

The Bird Correspondent's TV Korner

Much as our TV correspondent sometimes takes a break to talk about food, or our movie correspondent may dip into a dusty volume of poesy, our Bird Correspondent, Sheri Joseph, would like to take a moment to talk about television. She writes in to say that she noticed three references to Buddy Ebsen on TV shows last week. One involved the existence of a scandalous videotape of Mr. Ebsen. That was on the show Dirty Sexy Money. "House did a whole mini-thread in which Dr. H tries to get job applicants to diagnose what killed Buddy Ebsen," writes the Bird Correspondent. "I can't remember the other! But I know I counted three in a week. I was like, what's going on with Buddy Ebsen?" Well, Bird Correspondent, we can only put your question out there for the contemplation of our movie and TV correspondents and hope for the best. Meanwhile, looking out our attic window right now, we see two squirrels chasing a woodpecker - not the kind of woodpecker the Bird Correspondent helped us identify before, but a smaller, browner kind, which reminds us. We want to ask the Bird Correspondent about the personalities of birds. Is "personality" too strong a word, in the B.C.'s opinion? Yesterday, one of our cats was looking out this same window at two enormous blue jays, which upset the cat. I seem to recall that blue jays are mean. Is that a fair assessment? Also, what did the B.C. think of the intelligent gray parrot who died recently? We meant to ask at the time. Here's a "link," in case the B.C. missed the story. Finally, the other night Theresa and I think we heard an owl right outside our window. It went, "Woo woo-woo WOO WOO woo woo-woo." Was that an owl? It was too verbose to be a whip-poor-will, which we used to hear in Alabama all the time.

Is This Weird?

Here's something I saw on TV just this very minute: a promo for Fox News. First the logo was made to look as if it had been produced graffiti-style with spray paint. Over a looping beat, the words "fox news dot com" were repeated by the digitally stuttering "sampled" voices of Brit Hume, Bill O'Reilly and Shepherd Smith. In between, there was an approximation of "scratching," so that it sounded like this: "fox-wicky wicky news-wicky dot com wicky wicky wicky wicky." In the meantime, the graphics changed into a turntable. I believe this to be a strange appropriation of hip hop culture, or maybe it's normal.

We Heart Rejections

"I've discovered that eating uncured bacon results in an insatiable desire for salt," McNeil reports. On an unrelated note, one of his short stories has been rejected by the RED CEDAR REVIEW. McNeil says that if you must be rejected, RED CEDAR REVIEW is the way to go. "It's a form rejection, but signed in what looks like actual ink by the assistant editor and the managing editor," McNeil says. "They try to make you feel better about everything, telling you how much scrutiny the story was under by how many readers, and putting it in perspective by mentioning the large number of submissions they receive. It's thorough and well worded. Not painful at all. I want to start reviewing rejection slips for the 'blog.'" McNeil thinks back on his tussle with the Maryland Grape Growers Association and wonders why everyone can't be like the RED CEDAR REVIEW.

Dr. "M.'s" TV Korner: Werewolf Resolutions

Dr. "M." has answered the call! She's back with a brand new "TV Korner," including some thoughts on supernatural TV shows, peppered with enough movie references to have me updating the recent "blog"trospective for the rest of the afternoon. There's a lot on her mind, so we'll turn it over right away to the elusive and allusive Dr. "M.": "Remember Jason Bateman in TEEN WOLF TOO, fresh from his stint on The Hogan Family?" she begins auspiciously. "There seem to have been several werewolf flix in the late 80s. Then there was that Jack Nicholson movie--was it called WOLF? And was he supposed to be a werewolf in THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK? [No. - ed.] Of course I imagine all of that started with that werewolf in London movie. I wonder if McNeil's daughter might be referring to Harry Potter and the characters of Remus Lupin and Fenrir Greyback (is that the evil werewolf's name?). As for vampires, the 80s also witnessed the explosion of vampire camp-/comedy--including one of my all-time favorites, ONCE BITTEN, and another favorite, SATURDAY THE 14th. I think the newest phase of vampires and werewolves involves a rewriting of the stereotypically ravenous, selfish beasts as selfless, conscientious do-gooders who keep their personal pain to themselves and manage it, like others in the world, by self-medicating, whether that is through imbibing a special potion created by Dumbledore or finding blood through other means than neck-biting. Similarly, those [current television] protagonists with supernatural powers, like the Ghost Whisperer or Hiro Nakamura or Journeyman, first learn to accept their powers, then use the powers for good. The powers in turn come to signal an abundance of innate goodness which is meant to give us hope during a time of war (and a bad housing market and all the other **** that George Bush has caused in the last 8 years). [We didn't say it! - ed.] The answer to why so much supernatural stuff right now... Simply put, it's a sign of the times. We are not doomed; the future is not set; there is always hope that individuals will use their powers to make a difference; evil will always exist but it can be contained and suppressed. Optimism, people, optimism. And that is Dr. M's Monday report... Seacrest out."

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

After resting on Sunday like Someone Else we know, McNeil is back with a new episode of MGMIEET.

Title Goes Here

One other thing I wanted to mention about that Times article: it was titled "A Person Could Develop Occult," which, as far as I can make out, is a "pun" on the line "a person could develop a cold," from the song "Adelaide's Lament" in the Broadway classic GUYS AND DOLLS. Strange, I thought. Despite the appearance of the Salvation Army, and Stubby Kaye's number about riding on a "little boat to heaven" during the revival scene, there is very little supernatural content in GUYS AND DOLLS. It reminded me of when Tom Bissell's book THE FATHER OF ALL THINGS was reviewed in an article titled "Nam and Pop." Of course, the book really was about his father and Vietnam. So looking back, maybe I was too hard on that article's title. Which brings me to the fact (which I have perversely avoided bringing up here so far today, though the "blog" is nothing but a tawdry organ of self-promotion) that I wrote one of the book reviews in today's edition of the New York Times. There, I said it. (Pictured, Stubby Kaye, in the very scene.)

Bumper Sticker II

Hey, remember when that bumper sticker hurt my feelings by calling me fat? Well, today I saw one that said, "The Trouble with Baptists Is They Don't Hold Them Under Long Enough." And I thought, Wow! The driver of this car wants to drown my mom and dad! Here is a humor "tip" for my fellow liberals. Drowning my relatives isn't funny! In fact, drowning in general has seldom been mined successfully for humor. Hope this helps!

See?

I told you. Dang! The NY Times scoops me again. The writer even mentions Bewitched, My Favorite Martian, and I Dream of Jeannie near the end, as I sort of did. (Also, my reference to camp was intended to bring DARK SHADOWS to mind; she mentions it explicitly. Finally, we both used the term ghost busters, though she made it one word.) I swear I didn't see the article before I wrote the previous "post." Could the coincidence be... supernatural??? You know how the "blog" has eerie powers that no one can understand. In any case, I still want to hear from Dr. "M.," who has surfaced recently only to complain about William Hurt's neck. Television viewers need you more than ever, Dr. "M."! And I didn't entirely buy the NY Times writer's answers, which were nearly as pat as my earlier thoughts on werewolves (no offense! The article was interesting and enjoyable). I brought up this whole supernatural TV problem to Theresa the other night, and though she is getting a Ph.D. in American studies from Emory, she was rather stumped. "It's more than just cashing in on LOST," she said. "But it's hard to say when we're this close to it." Theresa would like to wait a couple of years before jumping to any conclusions. (Her chapter on Patty Hearst, on the other hand, is becoming deeper and richer every day, the story having had time to percolate or brew or steep or something in the cultural imagination.) I feel that I should DOUBLE SWEAR as to the coincidence. I have been thinking of "blogging" something about this, McNeil's daughter's question spurred it, and only then did I see the exact same idea THIS VERY DAY in the Times. Good gravy!

Speaking of Werewolves...

We are surely not the first to notice the recent uptick in the supernatural content of network television shows. (McNeil's daughter's question put us in mind of this.) We need Dr. "M.'s" expertise on this matter! Just off the top of our head, there are people who commune with the dead, people who bring the dead back to life, numerous ghost busters and demon hunters of the Kolchak variety, superheroes, time travelers, vampires, immortals, angels, and cyborgs galore. A boom of this kind has not been seen, perhaps, since the early sixties glut of witches, Martians, genies, talking cars, and humorous or campy families of monsters. Why? Why then? Why now?

Bookmarkin'! with Jack Pendarvis

As loyal "blog" readers know, I am an expert on the free bookmarks given out by the great independent bookstores of the United States of America. In fact, we've gotten word that Turnrow Books in Greenwood, Mississippi, plans to include a "blurb" from the "blog" on the next bookmark they produce. As America's foremost bookmark critic, I am pleased to announce a real "find" at Off Square Books. (Off Square Books is just down the block from Square Books. It's where they keep graphic novels, magazines, used books, calendars, and novelty items. For some reason they also have several copies of the fine late-period John Huston film FAT CITY for about six bucks.) Yesterday at Off Square I received, along with my purchase of SHORTCOMINGS by Adrian Tomine (excerpted, like Bechdel's FUN HOME, in THE BEST AMERICAN COMICS 2007), a bookmark made explicitly for Off Square Books. I believe that in the past I have received the regular "Square Books" bookmark there. The new "Off Square" model is longer again by a third than the classic "Square Books" bookmark, making it perfect for the graphic novel format. Nothing against the old version, which is still offered at the main location - in fact, one could hardly conceive of a better companion for a mass market paperback, though it might easily become disoriented and lost in an enormous, unforgiving hardcover by Norman Mailer, Melville, or James Joyce. But the "Off Square" bookmark, while replete with whimsical graphic touches (it works almost as a parody of its more modest and elegant cousin), is a bold, assertive bookmark that can stand up to the weightiest volume. Made of high quality, thick cream-colored paper with emerald print. Four stars.

Dear Werewolf Correspondent

A concerned parent has written in... okay, it was McNeil, he's the only one who ever writes in. His daughter had a question: "[My daughter] mentioned that she has noticed an increase in the number of werewolf movies out this year (3?)...and we were wondering if there were any rumblings in the blogvine as to why....also, she has noticed that if there is a story about werewolves, oftentimes the author will feel compelled to include vampires for some reason. Is there any reason the blogmaster can think of why this might be so? I'll hang up and take my answer on the blog." Tell your daughter that the "blog" has not noticed an increase in werewolf movies, though we will take her word for it. Vampires always seem more popular, which baffles us. After all, the vampire seems rather nonchalant about his or her monstrousness. The vampire seems to think highly of himself or herself and dress in a flashy manner. The vampire appears to get a "kick" out of stirring up trouble with a bunch of shenanigans - floating outside someone's window, for example. The werewolf, on the other hand, is just some poor dude who can't help himself. In fact, he (in his human guise) is sometimes unaware of his werewolf status. And if he is aware, he usually feels just awful about it. We have always had a soft spot for the werewolf. The werewolf is divided and nervous. So... Maybe the country feels werewolfy right now? I have no idea what I'm talking about. As for why vampires often end up in werewolf movies - if this is indeed the case - I can only assume it is because vampires think they are so cool and sometimes their attitude rubs off on movie producers. Like, "Let's stick some vampires in there! They're cool! Werewolves just make everybody sad!" (Pictured, Oliver Reed in CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF, a typically tragic werewolf picture. He's even a werewolf as a little boy in that one! It makes you feel pitiful inside.)

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

Here.

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

Enjoy.

Arts, Briefly

Joey Lauren Adams has asked me to perform selections from Tennessee Williams with her on the Thacker Mountain radio program. We have tentatively settled on the climactic row between Maggie and Brick in CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF. Don't worry, I'll be Brick! Also don't worry because we know it will be funny... that's the point. We also tossed around the idea of STREETCAR: I practiced screaming "Stella!" last night. I thought I sounded like Jerry Lewis. It was opined by others on the scene that the effect was more like "Jerry Lewis and Jimmy Stewart had a baby." More on this breaking story as it develops. In other news, I'll be assisting again with the Hideout Bar's Christmas panto. This year's theme is a closely guarded secret, but I can reveal that Jon Langford and Kelly Hogan will be the other writers, and that the entire production will once again be under the unflinching eye of the formidable Sally Timms. (Arts, Briefly is not affiliated with the New York Times column of the same name.)

A Donovan

I want to be fair to the Donovan who did play tonight, and not define him reductively as not the other Donovan he possibly could have been but wasn't. This other Donovan rocked the house with his trio. He's just a kid, and his younger brother (maybe 12, I guess) plays a phenomenal bass, while Donovan McCain (for such is his full name) picks guitar or mandolin with such fervor that the crowd tonight erupted in spontaneous and inevitable cheers several times in the MIDDLE of a song. That's right, they couldn't wait until the end to start cheering. And their second guitar player is pretty great too. So to conclude, the other Donovan is NOT just not THE Donovan, if that makes sense.

Two Things Every American Needs to Know

1) I was right. It is not THE Donovan. According to a Square Books spokesperson, it is "a kid named Donovan who grew up around here." 2) Tonight's episode of Thacker Mountain Radio will be broadcast from the Nutt Auditorium.

Donovan?

Hey, everybody, tonight is the 10th anniversary of the Thacker Mountain Radio Show, which is put on by the good people at Square Books. According to the "posted" schedule, Donovan is singing on the show tonight. I'm pretty positive it can't be THE Donovan (pictured), but I'll let you know. Because that's right, I'm honored to be reading on this special occasion from the recently completed novel. But the really good news is that Barry Hannah will do a reading. Donovan or no Donovan, THAT'S why you need to come out.

P.S.

We have no problem with William Hurt. We mention this because McNeil has written in to complain about Hurt's voice. It was not our intention for everyone to start "piling on."

McNeil's Gold Medal International Emergency Exit Theatre

Our sponsor.

The Disappointments of Dr. "M."

It's not just Sally Field with whom Dr. "M." has a problem. Witness the note we received from her last night: "Why can't I stand William Hurt? He drives me bananas. Is it the perpetual crook in his neck?" she asks rhetorically.